So, my H is obsessed with a good friend of mine. I know without a doubt that she doesn't return his feelings. Some of you might think yeah right, but I'm positive as me and her have actually talked (and laughed) about it. An example, he finds excuses to call her up, she will talk to him but usually asks to holler at me after a couple mins. He's always trying to get her to come over and when she does, he constantly offers to do stuff for her (fix her drink, etc.) and every time he walks by her he has to pat her on the back or head or just some kind of physical contact, he's even popped her behind and he never ever shows me affection. Of course I've addressed all this, his feelings, whatever, and naturally he completely denies anything other than being friends with her. I know that she is not the least bit interested in him although she's not rude to him or anything. I guess my question is well, would that be considered an EA, should I be concerned, I mean I think it's just a crush, I know she doesn't return his feelings, should I believe him in his denial of any feelings other than friendship (it's kinda hard to believe this), should I do anything. I don't want to end my friendship with her because my H has a crush that I know she doesn't return. I really haven't cared.

But I think you have cared. You're posting your concern here.

I think you have a right to be concerned but not necessarily scared or angry. You've obviously lived with it for some time.

I think you need to find out how you can best get his attention on this subject. Maybe enlist her help (if she's willing), but you can't let him continue to think he can just put you off on this and you'll be mollified. He could take similar behavior outside of your home.

You apparently care a little, as you've discussed this with your friend, and you're posting about it on here.

That being said, if it makes you uncomfortable, tell him, tell her....tell her to tell him that she's uncomfortable with the *touchy feely* thing. Tell her not to accept invitations to come over if they're from him.

And also you may want to both fill out the Emotional Needs questionnaire on this site so you can be sure that you are both having your EN's met, because I can see there are a few of yours unmet (he's not respecting you enough to not flirt with your friend, and you said he never ever shows you affection).

Good luck and God Bless,

-Caren

She has told me that the reason she hasn't been coming over much is because she feels like she might be coming between us and she doesn't come over without making sure it's ok with me first. I don't think she would tell him she's uncomfortable with the "touchy feely" thing because she's scared of being rude but she does seem to be tryin to just avoid the situation as in she really doesn't hardly ever come over anymore and I can think of one time she was going to run down the street for some reason and H offered to go with her and right before leaving she asked me to go meaning H would have to stay with the kids and I took her up on it. When I say I don't care I mean that I don't get mad or anything. Yes I might feel a little jealous but only because I don't get any attention/ affection ENs, ya know. I don't think he'd be interested in filling out the questionaire. I also think the reason I don't get upset is because of what I've done.

the only reason I've discussed it with my friend is because it's so obvious and we "make fun of him" as horrible and childish as that might sound

Scared,


Sounds to me like a crush. Guess none of us are too old to be silly sometimes. This has to be tremendously awkward for your friend. Do you think she has confided to her husband the situation? If so, perhaps her husband could have a polite conversation with your H.

Who

I almost laughed when I read that Who, you'd have to know H and her Boyfriend. Anyways, they can't stand each other. Goes back to high school, I guess you can say, they're from completely different "groups".

So much for the polite conversation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

yeah, it's not gonna happen <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />