Longhorn,he is in my workplace. Several offices down, I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear. I went to bed very late last night, spent a lot of time here reading and reading til I couldn't keep my eyes open and yet there is more. It is really startling to see how many people are going through this same thing.
MY H did call, said he will work on the wall tomorrow (it is a BIG hole) but he doesn't know if he'll be home tonight. Ok, a little worried, what is HE doing? Said his cell will be on if me or the boys need him though....
Domestic violence...he has never struck me but there are days his temper gets so hot. He breaks things, punches walls, many repairs, but never hits me. But my little guys, 4 and 6 see this and I worry what their male figure is teaching them. One of the reasons I was considering leaving, my little guys. How is this good?
I will direct him to this site, my post when and if things do cool down. I hope he is still willing to go to counseling but i know I need to help myself so I'm going. I will be finding the books and reading them and passing them on to a few friends as well when I'm I'm through.
TooSoon, I am ending it. I am really struggling with going to work and having to see him pass or on the other hand come close and not take leave me alone as my message. Believe it or not a bit ago I did quit my job but didn't stick to it, he convinced me not to leave. This is absolutely sick and i'm going to get healthy again. With or without my H. I hate myself for compromising all that I believed in for what could be the most foolish act in my entire life.
Sex with this guy? Never will happen, you guys helped wake me up and see what was really going on. I think I just needed a little push to find my courage.
Courage, going to need a lot of it over the next week or so.

LONGHORN!!! Thanks for sticking close by and helping me with this situation. All of you. I can't express my gratitude enough.

My bad. I did misinterpret where he was. I take it back, TooSoon. I apologize.

It's a good idea then to locate another job as soon as you can, and this time follow through. A new job is a breath of fresh air anyway, a new start. What a metaphor for reviving your marriage huh?

Getting healthy feels good. You're right, there are no guarantees you and your husband will get things back in place but you have a better chance than most. Get that counseling. Your husband needs IC for anger management, if nothing else, and MC for the marriage. I think his physical acting out needs to be one of your boundaries in the reconciliation. He can go to the gym and pound on a punching bag all he wants, but it's never appropriate in the home, period.

We'll be glad to chat with your husband anytime he comes to visit us, btw. He will be welcomed.

Smfry:

My wife said she was heading towards having sex. She visualized it. It takes longer from the friendship stage to the kissing stage then from the kissing stage to sex itself, acoording to the experts. My FWW began the kissing stage in mid Dec and I caught her early January. I was lucky to head the next step off before it happened.

Your marriage can be saved but you are going to have to help your husband get through his difficult time. Be patient with him, I know how tough it will be. If you show remorse even though you may feel justified at this point, it will help him.

Longhorn, not sure what I said that upset the applecart. Do you know how many WS's intend on breaking the relationship but don't. I said what I experienced and I let her know the damage so what did I say that was so wrong. My FWW's was identicle to hers. She clearly said it was a workplace affair and I acknolledged her confession. She has her mind where it needs to be to end the affair.

smfry: My wife was almost looking for a way to end the affair but even after I caught the affair, it still took awhile to end it. She still was in love with her OM and her OM fought hard to win her over. He tried everything he knew how to get her to divorce me. Be on gaurd for his most selfish actions to come out. He may try and make you feel guilty and he will try and manipulate you into keeping the "friendship" alive. Break all ties, contact, e-mail, calls, etc. Treat him as if he is dead.

You will experience Withdrawal and you will want to talk to him just one more time, don't go with your emotions. Let your husband be your ear, as much as it will hurt him, it will help him to know that he is the one you need to confide in. After a few months, you will begin to disconnect with the OM and you may begin to reconnect with your Husband. Help him anyway you can and be patient with his emotions, because he will be like a yoyo. Help him with the detail so he will understand the how and the why, etc. Detail will help convince him no sex happened. He will have doubts that it did happen, like I did and sometimes still wonder.

My motives in my previous post was not to slam you but to make you aware of the seriousness and the damage an EA can cause. With this knowledge, you may be less apt to go back to the OM at the expense of your family.

TooSoon

I need a breath of fresh air, believe me. Beauty of the puter, you can do job searches and apply on Sundays! Just completed an app.
Too Soon, I hear you and thank you. I don't doubt for a second the OM is going to try an hang on, he did before. This is when a new job will really help and I can't hope for one soon enough. WD, like a drug addiction. I'm fine when I'm home, it's going to work, that's where it hits me. After all there are feelings, as wrong as they are. A month's vacation, maybe i can schedule a few of those weeks, now!

Let us know how it goes at work tomorrow. Be strong and prepare yourself in advance how you will respond to any advancements from the OM. You might as well let him know it is over, it was a mistake, and you are going to try and rebuild your marriage.

Good Luck.

TooSoon

Smfry, I have just finished reading your thread and want to commend you for coming here and seeking help before things with OM have progressed any further. Also, your transgression (in just ONE day!) from a “foggy” WS in denial towards a “clear-headed” person who are willing to do the right things to correct her past mistakes & wrong choices is AMAZING and I want to congratulate you on that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As you will see from my signature line and the link in my signature, I’m a FWW who had an inappropriate friendship with a man at my work. Before I’ve discovered MB’ers, I’ve followed the same thinking pattern than you (denial, justifications & rationalizations about my “friendship”) and like you, I was also not aware & familiar with the term “Emotional Affair” and I thought there was nothing wrong with close opposite sex friendships. However, these website and forums was an eye-opener to me and today I feel very strong about NOT having close opposite sex friendships except where the person is a friend of BOTH the spouses AND the marriage and where BOTH spouses can share time with the person. It’s important to have strong boundaries in place and always include the spouse in any opposite sex friendship you may have. This is very imporant. Also, when you interact with someone of the opposite sex alone, never say and do something you wouldn't do with your spouse present.

The devastation and damaged caused by my inappropriate friendship with XOM was very painful & difficult, but I’ve gained much wisdom and have learned valuable lessons from it. You can read more about it HERE (just click on the link). It’s an old thread I’ve posted more than 2 years ago.

I also want you to read the following threads. It will give you more insight on how friendships often escalate into full-blown A’s and how easily opposite sex friendships (especially in the workplace) can lead to emotional infidelity if not cautious and careful. The 1st link also provide steps on how to help affair-proof your M.

Emotional infidelity in the workplace

15 Steps Of Unfaithfulness

Smfry, where are you? Please post and let us know how things are with you - we are concerned! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />