I didn't think I would be posting again, but here I am. My wife and I are divorcing after 1 1/2 yrs of seperation. I had a 6 month affair that came out alomst 2 years ago. I have changed considerably and attempted to save my marriage. However, she continued to want a divorce. I signed and sent all paperwork this week and had told her I needed her out of my life because it was too difficult. Well, she sent me some misc. paperwork that I got today, which prompted me to call her and we talked for about an hour. She stated she was angry at me for not wanting her in my life because she has always seen me as a friend.
Futhermore, it appears her desire for a divorce stems well beyond the affair. She feels that there were many things about me such as my need for praise more than she could give that she didn't notice until after we married. She feels we are better just as friends because two people should not have to change who they just to make a marriage work. I asked what she wants and she responded I can tell you what I don't want. She stated she didn't want to wonder what happened to me 5, 10 15 years down the road. She continues to say she enjoys talknig to me and hanging out with me but just doesn't believe we are compaptable in marriage. We share the same interests and life goals, we differ in how we give and receive love and im an extravert while she is an introvert. But, I guess I never imagined a marriage could slip away because someone doesn't believe they need to change with the marriage. She also stated books and therapy won't work because it just isn't for her. I wasn't sure if this all sounded reasonable or not. I am aware that we will be divorcing and nothing will change that, just don't know how muc hof a friendship I can or should keep and am just frustrated. If anyone has any thoughts to share please do.

Do you have children together? If you do, it would be in their best interest if you could remain friends.

If not, then I'd say, it's up to you if you're comfortable with remaining friends. It does sort of sound like a mixed signal. I am friends with my X, and I'd rather it be that way, then to feel continuous anger.

Anyway, I wish you the best!

Jennifer

Hi Danny,

'I' would not allow an outside person to dictate how I lived my life. Would you allow this behaviour from an ex-girlfriend? They dont get to dump you then demand that you stick around for their jollys!

I think you'll have a hard time moving on with your life if you remain in contact with your exW. I'm also thinking the future Mrs. Danny would not look favorably on such a relationship. Your stbexW wants the benefits of your relationship without having to contribute anything. Of course this makes sense to her, but I'm surprised that she seem to have very little sympathy for your position. She knows you'd like to continue the marriage.

It's totally your choice. She can ask for anything, but you certainly do not have to agree. Again, from one of my previous posts, I think she needs to miss you... Your Plan A did not follow with Plan B. - Dru