I feel very fortunate to have found this site and hope it helps me put my trainwreck of a marriage back together.

What happened?
About 4 years ago, my wife and I were seperated for reasons that I cannot even really remember. Nothing really "serious", probably just immaturity on both sides. I was living with a friend at the time (same sex) and at party being held there, the unthinkable happened. I cheated on my wife. All in all, we (myself and the third party)got together probably 4 times in the matter of about 1 month. The biggest mistake of my life. For sure.

My wife and I got back together, but the relationship was so "touchy" for a while, I never brought up what I had done. I have been packing this around for 4 years. Occasionally, it really bothered me, but I was learning to live with my mistake.

Our relationship has been in a much better state as of late, we have been opening up to eachother more, and there has been a much higher sense of respect around the house. Everything about her and the relationship have been amazing. Except for me, I had baggage. She was asking me about that time we were seperated, specifically, if I had "done anything".

I couldn't help it. I thought if I got it off my chest it would be a good thing. I also wanted to, after 4 years, be completely honest.

I told her.

As you can expect, she is not amused, and I have turned the marriage down another bumpy road.

I need her to believe it hasn't happened since.

I need her to believe in me again.

We are still together, and I am doing all that I can, but I almost don't even know where to begin. I can feel the pure resentment/jealousy/hurt/......even hate from her every time she looks at me. I want to fix the relationship, I hope she wants to as well.....

Any advise, I want my wife/marraige/life back.

I know I screwed up, and I wouldn't have told her if I didn't love her, and think wecouldn't get past it. But on a sick second note, it is nice to not have the baggage......anymore...

Hi, Andy...

I replied to your thread on the other board...

I really do admire you coming clean with your wife. You don't see that much any more. I would of loved for my H to come clean with me, but he didn't. Keep working on your marriage and hopefully she will see you are sorry and that you are the one who finally told her, not the OW. I wish you all the luck.

Andy,

You did the right thing. The road ahead will be very difficult, but your marriage can survive this. As a WS, do not be at all impatient with your BS. What she is experiencing is very normal for the BS and not matter how long ago the infidelity occurred, it still hurts just as thought it was only yesterday.

She also has the added pain of realizing that for the last 4 years, she has been living a lie.

I suggest that you and she seek marriage counseling to help you thru this and also pick up a copy of Surviving an Affair and read it together.

Good Luck to you both.

Who

Hi there: I am new to this website and saw your posting. I was unfaithful to my husband of 20 years 16 years ago. On Valentines day...of all days, we had had a few drinks, were having a great time. He asks me if anything had ever happened and I TOLD HIM! What an idiot. Things are terrible now and I feel ashamed and I know I hurt my husband deeply and on top of it we have 3 kids who are going to be devastated if we can't work this out.

I was wondering how things were going for you? It's been two weeks since our D-Day and I'm having a very difficult time dealing with what I've done to my husband and potentially my family and just want everything to be better again. I fear though that this is not going to happen.

How could I be so cold....?

See my "Ten year secret" thread for what it feels like to be the BS who finds out about an A that happened a long time ago. Not fun. Devastating. I have a physical pain in my chest as I write this. It has been two weeks since D-day for me too. From what I have been reading here, it could take 2 years...But we are on the road to reconciliation. Rocky for sure, but much better than the road to D.