I read on here so many times of MLCs and then find the person concerned is 30 or 40.

I seriously, seriously do not consider that an age when someone has an MLC. They may be discovering they are adults with all that that entails, but it is not an MLC.

I am 51 nearly 52. I am rapidly nearing menopause. THAT, or the late 40s, is when you have an MLC. Men at 50 look back on their lives and see retirement approaching, see "old age approaching, wonder what the heck they did with their lives. So do women at the same age. I'm sorry but you just can't do that at 30, maybe a little at 40, but 30, give me a break.

At 30 it'd be very unusual, but current research indicates it can begin as early as 38 for men. We're talking about a hormonal component here. It doesn't have to be a full-blown andropause or menopause: as soon as the hormones begin playing up it can have a SERIOUS effect on your mental and physical wellbeing. (Also, keep in mind that menopause isn't the start of it for women. There is also perimenopause which can start many, many years before menopause proper. I entered peri a couple of years ago myself. Before I got checked out, I thought I was going INSANE.)

I agree RT, but I did say maybe 40ish. But 30!!! Oh to be 30 again. Maybe not, I had little kids. I'd say I was perimenopausal now and probably have been for about 4 years but I have NO symptoms whatsoever. None.

Funnily, I'm in an extremely satisfying job, my marriage is great (obviously after a great deal of work) and I've never been happier. I'm still waiting for the menopause axe to fall. LOL.

If you're in perimenopause you'd be having symptoms. So don't stress about the menopause "axe"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Could be a way down the track yet.

My H is 40 and I definately know that he has been in MLC for at least 2 years. It really depends on a lot of factors. We had 3 close friends die who were close to our age (1 in a car accident (my H still has a note this man wrote him over 4 yr ago in his brief case), 1 due to cancer, and 1 was misdiagnossed and died 5 days later from septic shock) Our DD at the time was giving us problems (16 yr old) telling us she was bi sexual, running away and cutting. A very stressful time to say the least and my H did not handle any of it well. I probably didn't either.

We married at a young age and our DD was already here. I have studied this alot because when I got the ILYBINILWY speech I found a site that said that most MLC men say this.

I really don't know if I can make it through this roller coaster but I am going to do my best to try.

I am also perimenopausal - The night sweats are the worst and now the Prozac that they gave me is not working for this. I do feel sorry for my H sometimes when in the middle of winter I have to have the ceiling fan on and another fan on. I did find a pillow called a chillow that helps some when I use it.

I too do not believe that someone at 30 could be going through this. I think at that age it could just be depression. When my H went to the Dr. at 39 and told him about his high stress job the Dr. said it's not stress you have depression and then did nothing for it. HELLO. I am going through ****** over here maybe someone could convince my H to get on something. Even his mom told him that it runs in their family and he should get on something. NO. So the ride continues.

Sweet P, at 40 I'd have said I understood what an MLC was too. But 50 is a whole new ball game.

ILYBINLWY can happen at 20. I'm sure your H is thinking about his status in life because of what's happened with his friends and it could well be early MLC. If only your H would take something for his depression. It's been said on MB that we all recommend AD's too often but for genuine depression they're a life saver.

I do feel for you going through perimenopause at 41 but, hey, you'll be on the other side before I've even started. A mixed blessing for me but my doctor, bless her, said don't hurry it. Be thankful you're not there yet. I just want it over and done with. My mother had a terrible time and I'm not looking forward to it.

I think there may be something to someone that starts adulthood (Meaning having children early...etc, etc) having MLC earlier.

At first I would have sworn that my WH was in early MLC (@ 35) because the signs were all there, he bought the crazy muscle car, the workout set, started talking about being old....ILYBINILWY the whole 9 yards, and I had myself convinced that's what it was to begin with, but lo and behold WRONGO....

But he did start having kids at 17 (I did also, just not with him) and so it does seem as though a lot of life is behind me (I just turned 38 today), I know that sounds weird, but it's true.

For whatever it's worth.............

-Caren

I keep begging my Dr. for her to take it out. I don't need it anymore and every month it gets worse. Now I am getting numbness in my legs every month. I am going to ask again in March since in Dec. when I saw her for a follow up pap 2nd time she said I won't have to see you again for a year and then they call 2 weeks later to say abnormal cells again. One more pap and then more invasive treatment. This is after I had something where they stuck 2 probes into where nothing fits and 2 mammograms and a breast ultrasound. (my mom had breast cancer) Of course that was hormone induced so guess who can't take anything for menopause. This year has sucked royally. Not only is my H a big D, but I have had numerous medical problems (could it be stress) and had to get bifocals UGH. I am getting old.

I am positive MLC is my H's problem. He is classic. This person that lives in my house is not the man I married. I really don't know the alien that had invaded his body. He has actually grown stuff on his face that my youngest son and I have threatned to take off. He is driving his convertible that I insisted we get. UGH. Buying Ipods. Who knew I would be raising 3 teenagers. It is our Oldest Sons 15th birthday and he went out with his brother or his friend. Wasn't sure who when he left. Probably OW, but oh well. MLC is a b----!!!

Sweet P. I had a hysterectomy umm let's see I think it has been 4 years ago now. I had a couple abnormal pap's then they did laser surgery and blazed off the majority of my cervix. Then 5 years later, it's back, I get another abnormal pap, and they call me in to have another colposcopy and I told the Doctor, "You know what?? I'm not going through this BS every 5 years....if the colposcopy comes back pre-cancerous again, rip it out!" and that's exactly what happened.

They did mine vaginally, and I was right as rain within weeks.....and no scar...BONUS, lol!

I DO NOT miss my period AT ALL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And I still have my ovaries.

Hope your husband visits planet earth again here in the near future hon (maybe he'll bring mine with him...lol).

God Bless,

-Caren

Swwet P, the family bought my H an Ipod for Christmas last year. He's 56 and thought he'd hate it when he found out what we were getting him. My son downloaded every CD he owns onto it and he LOVES it.

Aliens invade all WSs bodies.

I still stand by what I say. I think 35 is when you realise you're not a teenager or a REALLY young adult any more. 40, yep, you can see it all on the horizon but it's not there.

But, ho boy, when 50 hits. Then you have a half a lifetime to look back on. As I say, not me. I'm happy in my skin. I realised that because I have the opportunity to finally get my degree (for free) because I work at the university. But, after a lot of thought, I've decided "who needs it". That's what's so great about being middle aged.

Sweet P, don't start down that track of "I'm old, I need bifocals." There's a lot more life left yet. I started doing that at 40 without realising how YOUNG I was. And I still am.

My mother is 76 and has seen more movies than I have in the last year. When I call her and ask her if she wants to come and have dinner she says "well, I'm going out tonight - perhaps another time."

Kiwi- Your mother sounds awesome. Actually I really don't feel old at 41 I get hit on by 25 yr olds. I actually laughed and tried to pawn them off on my DD. But now she has a pretty hot one herself which I found out by virtue of my spyware that they have done it. OMG I thought I would actually be happy when and if she was ever with a guy but I am not.

I plan to be just like your mom. My H asked me one time when I said I hadn't changed and he said I know do you plan on still going out when your 50 and I said God I hope so.

Caren- Please let my Dr. feel the same as yours come March. I can't take it anymore. If it gets more invasive than the last one I know that I will try to pull it out myself. What ever it was it hurt really bad and I had asked my H to come but of course he had work to do. When I called him crying after he said "you'll be okay" Let me stick 2 probes up your penis at the same time and then tell you it is okay. UGH.

I think it is time to start a man haters club.

As I spoke to my H's Dr. and a neurologist about my H and the possibilities of MLC....I explained to them all of the factors in my H's life and what I see. They both treat my H for various things and so are already familiar with many of the factors in his life.

"MID-LIFE" is not a given age. Since they day I met my H he shot me the reality that he would be very lucky to live to see 50 or 60. Most ppl that deveolp diabetes at age 7 dont live to be 90 or 100 like many many ppl do nowadays. My H has medical complications that he knows will be coming, like developing kidney trouble this year, and high blood pressure. My H has to fight for his life daily and continually combat anything that might cause more complications. Many ppl in my H situation have lost their vision and feet/legs, have to go on dialysis, need kidney transplants, etc.

So at the ripe old age of 30, as my H looks in on the kids as they are sleeping he starts to cry...he hopes that he will still be here when they graduate from high school, he hopes that he gets to walk our daughter down the isle when she gets married. He hopes to see our kids have families of their own, and that one day he gets to hold a grandbaby. He hopes to be able to grow old and enjoy everything he can in life.

Now I look in on my kids and hope the same thing. But I dont have a medical problem looming in front of me. I just have to worry about getting into a bad car accident, or getting a deadly illness, or something else horrifying happening to me. My H has his disease plus all those worries too.

For my H he has had a shortened life looming on his doorstep since he was 7. 30 may just very well be MLC time for him at least.

Hoping and Praying every day for a cure.

The thing that bugs the crap out of me is that regardless of the age of a man when a MLC happens, he has greater "opportunity" to replace his partner. Often with a younger woman. My exWS denies that the OW's age had anything to do with his interest and subsequent affair with her. The ex was 47, and the OW was 21..same age as ex's oldest child. They met at their AA meetings. There are lots of women there in their 30's and 40's.

I told him that other than having an affair with my mother (whose dead!) or a sister ( I have none!)he couldn't have chosen an affair partner that could have hurt me more. There are many things I can change or compromise on...my age isn't one of them.

I recognize that this is a societal thing, but it saddens me as I really do love being married. I love having a companion, friend, lover. I miss touch....deep kisses, enfolding hugs...making love. No amount of activity with my female friends can be quite the same. And at almost 51, the odds of finding another partner are lessened. But, it only takes ONE!!!

And now my exWS is raising a 3 year old with Down's Syndrome, conceived during his affair with the OW. Guess that's one advantage of being an older woman!!

Hi KiwiJ:

I am 32--almost 33. After my As and the tangled web I have created, I sure feel like I have messed up the rest of my life!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

All of you guys have implied 30 is young--so advice would you give a person at my age?

Did you see this?

Hey there -
I dont think that your age is too young, I have a 30 yr old WH that I think is fitting the bill for MLC pretty damn well.

Did you look at that fortysixty website. I know it is linked somewhere in this thread.

I dont have much advice for you since I am no expert, but there is a wealth of good information on that site as well as MB. Maybe that site will help you better find the advice you are looking for.

Sweet P,

I found out hysterectomies are elective surgeries. Your request should not have been ignored. You request, they do. Took me five years to find that out. Find an OB/GYN who respects this. I wouldn't wait. I knew before they did that there was something wrong. Waiting for them to get with the program is not your only alternative.

As for MLC...non-hormonal kind...we are complicated beings and our minds do not mature as we would like. I think what looks like MLC can be a mental one only and happen anytime that someone is living in a false self.

My 2 cents.

LA