Neverthesame,

I ALWAYS appreciate constructive criticism...it's just that SOME people on the board don't know what "constructive" actually means, apparently. lol

I would disagree about your notion that I project many of my childhood hurts on my H. The only reason I included most of what I put in my original post is to give a more robust picture of what my life's been. Apparently I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, or I wouldn't have such a long track record of disappointments in the same area. Does that sound reasonable??

(1) I'm working on this one. I need to forgive him, but I'm having a hard time letting go. It is something that I'm actively working towards, though.

(2) Reasons I got married?? I was "in love." There wasn't another reason, really. It wasn't wealth, status, charm, etc. We had so little time together while dating and while being engaged (he moved 1000 miles away 8 months after we began dating and then we only saw each other on college breaks and in the summer for the next 16 months).

(3) Again, I'm working on the forgiveness part...even starting to read a book on it. And the reasons I've been hurt by him is because he caused them...it's not some manifestation of a childhood pain.

(4) Things are getting better...I don't HATE him anymore, but I really don't like him and can't imagine staying married to him. I guess only time will tell. We make GREAT friends when we're not lobbing DJs and LBs at each other...but I want MORE than just friendship. I can get that ANYWHERE.

(5) I was in IC...left counselor but am still seeing psychiatrist and am on anti-depressants.

(6) So are you saying that divorce is unethical??? I'm just trying to see if I'm understanding you correctly. And, trust me, I do understand that doing the right thing isn't always the easiest choice. And, for me at least, the easiest choice is to just stay with H.

I felt absolutely no attack at all from you. Thank you for your insight. I know I keep saying that our situation is different from others', but perhaps it's not as different as I think it is.

Crystal

Aussieswife,

Thanks for the suggested reading!! I'm working on a book called "Choosing Forgiveness" by the Sandfords. When I get done with it, I may pick up your suggested reading. Who knows? I may have already forgiven at that point and won't need it anymore.

Forgiveness is very difficult for me because it was never modelled in my life as a child. I only figured out what forgiveness was all about a few years ago...meaning that forgiveness is about healing the offendee and not letting the offender off.

Thanks again!

Crystal

Crystal, I don't have any advice but just wanted to give you some encouragement.

First about the job. I also was a stay at home mom with three boys when my M hit rock bottom and I was so deep in my depression, I didn't want to carry on. Going to work was one of the best ways to treat my depression. Things slowly started to get better. I think that just having something to take my mind off of things really helped but also to feel "needed" by my employers and by my family as in the $ I contributed. It really has helped me alot.

Second, about TD being an attorney. I work for attorneys and for the most part their job really isn't that time consuming, esp. not the associates. It's only every once in a while that they have to work more than eight hours a day. They all have families and have plenty of time to spend with them, plus, they got $! So you shouldn't worry too much about it.

Scaredmomof3,

Well, I got through the first day of work without making a total fool out of myself! lol Actually, it was pretty cool because, since I've done this type of work before, I was actually able to add some insight to help the other new hire (who's never recruited before, especially IT).

I think the job will actually be good for me. I was telling someone today that I feel like my brain has been disengaged for so long that it CRAVED attention. Now I have that with my new job. I actually had a "happy" day today, which is a BIG thing for me, given how deep my depression has been. Maybe having a job, feeling more "productive" (not as though being there for my kids isn't productive or important) will give me some new perspective. I'm not going to guarantee that it's going to change my perspective on TD, but maybe, in some way, it will change my opinion of ME. I could probably use a big dose of that right about now...it's been LONG overdue! And when I place that first applicant with the client, what a sense of personal accomplishment that will be for me. Ten years at home with just my kids was driving me crazy. I love them, but I wasn't cut out to be the SAH mom type. Luckily the kids are older and in school...and I actually ENJOYED hearing about their days this evening at dinner.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Crystal

P.S.--If I may ask, what area of law do the attorneys for whom you work practice? And, are they litigators?

I'm so happy for you! I figured you'd enjoy it, I was the same way. It's crazy because a lot of people say they'd love to be able to stay at home with their kids and that was kinda my thinking for awhile until I screwed up and then sank deeper and deeper with depression. Then when I got my job things immediately seemed to get a little better and it's slowly gotten better ever since. I really don't know much about the legalities of my attorneys, I know that between all of them they handle a little bit of everything, yes, I'd say they're litigators. They do everything except personal bankruptcies and criminal cases.