I don't know why he continues to surprise me, but I thought even he had limits. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

DD12 and DD5 came home from visiting with STBX and OW this afternoon. The girls were introduced to the OW without my knowledge or consent just before Christmas. There was nothing I could have done - the law states that STBX can introduce his kids to whomever he wishes, even though we are not divorced yet.

So, the girls came home, and we sat and ate dinner. DD12 said 'Dad wants to know if it's OK if we go down to visit Granny and Grandad (MIL & FIL) next weekend with him. He wants to go and visit great Granny and Great Grandad.' - Important note - Great Granny and Great Grandad (MIL's parents) have recently taken a grave turn for the worse health-wise, but the girls have seen them both very recently, over Christmas.

I said 'Will OW be going too?' and DD12 said 'Yes, I think so.'

STBX and OW would be staying with MIL & FIL, in the B&B they run. Obviously, the girls would be staying there too, possibly in the same room as OW and STBX.

Now, here is my take on things. I've been gradually getting angrier and angrier about this. STBX and OW want to use the potent combination of two innocent children and an old, frail couple to further validate their stinky affair. STBX knows that neither of his grandparents have much longer on this earth, God bless their souls, and wants the OW to meet them before it is too late. He will use his children, standing between him and the OW, to say to everyone 'My affair is OK. You must accept it. I don't care how much I hurt, offend and astonish other people, not even my dying grandparents, as long as my affair is accepted and normalised.'

Obviously, there is no way I am going to allow this. I can't stop them from seeing the OW on their visits to the flat, but I will die before I allow any overnight visits before we are divorced. I shall be phoning my atty on Monday to see what I can do to prevent this. I don't expect STBX to snatch the children and force them to go to their grandparents' B&B, but then I never expected him to introduce them to OW behind my back either. Just because I was gracious about that happening, he thinks I will allow this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

What's really annoying is that, if he'd pulled his finger out and got on with the divorce, we could be divorced already and there wouldn't be a problem!!! He hasn't even responded to the petition yet, after two months.

ARGGGGHHHH!!! SO MAD AM I!

Alph.

I'm sorry for this situation. WS do tend to do some horrible things. I hope you can stop you dds from going.

Just a few days ago I noticed that 2 WS posting here mentioned they wanted their BS to file. I guess that's another typical WS strategy.

My WH has never asked or talked about divorce. He has now introduced OW to his family and they have accepted her!

But just to show how alien he's behaving this 50 year old send his daughters a picture of HIMSELF (taken with his cel phone) EVERY DAY! apparently he usually includes a message too!

Alphin,

I do not know what state you're in, but if your H hasn't responded to the petition yet after 2 months, I would say file a motion for summary judgment on his cheatin' butt!

Get everyting you've asked for (with a possible excetion on the child custody/support stuff since in most states judges are required to give that stuff independent review).

When you talk to your atty, ask him (or her) if you can file a MSJ, and possibly ask him why he/she hasn't already done so.

Alphin,

Hi - I would be fuming too. I don't know how I would handle it if I found out that WH was exposing DS to OW. I think I would up and move - - - -

I hope your attorney is able to provide you some guidance in keeping the overnight from happening.

GEEZ. What a role model your H is being....I'm so sorry!!!!

Kim

Alphin, I'm sorry you're going through this. Law or not...there's people who have had it legally declared that the STBX or X could not introduce the children to romantic interests for x-amount of time. Are you in the States?

And a little off-topic from your thread, do you need (note, I did not say want) this divorce to go on now? Why don't you file a notic of default? I did not respond when my ex served me papers...when the time was up I just called him and told him to file the default, that way the divorce would move forward. We don't have kids together so I don't know if that changes things. Also, in some states if there is no activity on the case-file for a certain amount of time, they dismiss it and you have to start over.

Hi, CC! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Weird, ain't they? I just don't understand this. Divorce was all STBX could talk about when he first left, and now he's dragging his feet. Actually, I'm pretty sure that the OW is behind everything, she sure is the puppet master. I wonder if she will still want him when he's divorced? Guess the fun will be over for her then...

Hi, TD.


I'm in the UK, and the legal system is covered in cobwebs, it seems. Everything just falls apart over Christmas. I'll get onto my atty about it - I'm sick of waiting, I want this over.

Hi Kim!


Funny you should mention that. I am considering it, very seriously. My parents have offered to buy us a house down south! Another thing to mention to my atty - I'm sure that STBX can't stop me leaving if I choose to, but I want to be sure.

Why is he such an a$$? Doesn't he care about anyone but himself? Can't he see what he's about to lose?

Alph.

In a word, no.

My guess is he has a difficult time seeing past OW's open legs. That's the fog. His ability to prioritize and rationally weigh anything with respect to the relationship he has with you and his kids is totally gone.

I didn't realize you were in the UK. I've heard the family law situation is even more Byzantine and Draconian there, especially to the H. It may be that while he wants out, he figures there's no hope of getting a reasonable settlement through the law, so he has no incentive to actually move forward with the D. It may be that you're being more generous to him out of your own free will than a judge would be, so actually divorcing will make his life even worse...

Well, there ya go! That sounds like a plan to me!

Since you're in the UK, my discussion of legalities is even less applicable. By all means talk to your solicitor or barrister, or whatever you have on your side of the pond.

LOL! They are hard to see around, that's for sure. Let's say she doesn't trip about daintily on super model pins. She's a 'sturdy' girl, nearly six foot and with a certain charming 'shotputter' quality. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, he's terrified that he's gonna be broke after the D. I intend to make his nightmares come true. Since he left, I have become practically disabled because of an IBD flare-up and I figure he owes me big time. He is, in fairness, paying for the house and bills at the moment, and has since he left. But I want to come off welfare, and I want him to help me with that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I don't want any 'clean break' settlement. I want to walk away from court with a gift from STBX that just keeps on giving. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Sounds nice to me -----LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Take Care!

Kim

Burn their freaking house down.

Do I *LOOK* like I'm joking or being ironic ?

Your H is one of the top 3 assh0les on this site.

Alphin I do not know what your laws are over there in the UK. I can keep my wh from having kids around ow because I have them in counseling and she has said the kids are in no way ready for that. If he goes against her wishes and I take him to court about it he is done. He has had them around her at the fire house and when he gets home from Iraq I intend to fry is a** with that one. They are not allowed at ow's apt either so he has not had any overnights since the fall with the kids. I stand my ground firm on this. I will NOT have my kids learning their morals from a piece of trash. Wh tries to hurt me by using the kids. He has them around her at the fire hall just to piss me off. Not even considering what it does to them. Men like that shouldn't even be fathers. Your wh sounds like mine in that respect. Can you put your girls in counseling then have the counselor say the kids shouldn't be around ow until she says they are ready??? that may help. These wh's are a real treat to have aren't they? mlhb

Would mine be up there in that list Bob?

Alphin, can the girls stay with their grandparents? Is that close enough. I absolutely 100% agree I would not want them staying in the same B&B room. Ugh. And, I'm pretty sure the girls wouldn;t want it either. [censored].

Hi b0b.


An accolade I'm not proud of. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

How you doing? I lurk wistfully on Recovery now and then.

(((b0b)))

Alph.

Hey Bob, if Alphins stbxh is in the top 3 may I say that my wh must hold the number one spot in that! ugh! No, I am not proud of that either as TT said :-( wh's!!! grrrr.... fog headed freaks! grrrr.... mlhb

Hi TT.

Their grandparents own the B&B. All would be staying under the same roof, if not the same bedroom.

Hello mlhb.

They were in counselling, some months ago, but they were signed off. Unfortunately, they actually seem to like the OW, though I realise of course that it's very early days yet.

You can't prevent the OP from being introduced to the kids unless they have sort of history of abusing drugs or children. OW is a teacher, so I guess legally she's clean.

Alph.

Does MIL/FIL support the A?

Hi Orchid.

They didn't at first. But now, after almost ten months, they are accepting it.

They seem to think I should too - that I should let go for everyone's sake.

Alph.

Best quote of the day. Flukette and I are still laughing.

Take 'em to the cleaners. There is NO excuse for introducing the children to an OP.

Maybe bob pure has the answer. I like that one too.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />



GO FOR IT !!!!!!

Yes do!!...come and live down here with us soft Southerners!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, attempting to put myself in your shoes I would be very tempted to move...especially if your parents would be close and your ILs have rolled over to have their tummy tickled by OW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The first thought that came in my head when I read this thread was to say "No overnights until the divorce is final...then we can both have overnight visitors around the girls". This is probably unproductive and wouldn't make him sit up and take notice but he does appear to be so blinkered his Universe is just sitting on the end of his nose. It might come as a surprise to find Alphin has a life!

He appears to have gone for your complete opposite....shotputter indeed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />