I am seriously considering moving. I have been offered a job in the family business. I will be near my parents, brother and sister. It is 2 hours away from here.

I need to just move on with my life. I don't think I can continue on knowing that WH does not want the M. I have been in Plan B for 3 months(which I know is not long, but I do have some self respect here & am not going to put my life on hold forever.)

So, can I legally move? We are not legally separated. I don't have a lawyer & as far as I know WH does not either.

Kim

I don't know what state you're in, but the answer is probably.

HOWEVER, you need to watch out. The fact of the matter is that without a court-order granting him regular visitation, he cannot keep you from moving. But the same is true in the other direction... Without a court order granting you primary custody, he can take the kid for the afternoon and move to another state, and there's not a darn thing you can do about it.

The police WILL NOT do anything to stop either one of you if there is not court order.

So, if you plan on moving away, you can, but if you want to do so with some amount of security about your status as primary custodian of the kid, you should get something from a court. It certainly won't be difficult to meet the traditional standard - "Best interests of the child" when you say, "He abandoned the marriage, and I need a support system and it's only 2 hours away."

Do it right. You can probably get away without an attorney, but since this is fairly important, I would hire one just to make sure the ball doesn't get dropped.

I would make sure your attorney (should you hire one) knows what YOUR intention is, i.e. not to destroy the possibility of reconciliation, but to protect your rights and your kid's safety.

Good luck!

Thanks Tested -

I am in GA. So, you don't think I will have to file anything(separation) to do this? I originally had thoughts in the back of my mind about doing this during the summer. But now I just don't if I can wait. I need to get away from here.

The longer this goes, the more I think that my love is not going to hold out.

Kim

Kim,

Tested is dead on with the exception that if WH takes the kids and takes off he will likely incur the wrath of the judge when he necessarily does return with the kids. As long as you operate within the law you will always have the upperhand. I wouldn't advise taking off in the middle of the night as that demonstrates bad faith on your part to the court and just may make him feel justified to be a deadbeat dad. On the other hand, he doesn't need a month notice either. Again, get legal advice to strategize and to be prepared in case he tries to stop you.

Another consideration...many states have rules regarding how far away the custodial parent can move without having to demonstrate exceptional circumstances (which it sounds like you have anyway). But say the rule in your state is 100 miles. Well, a car leaving your home at an average speed of 50 miles per hour takes 2 hours to go 100 miles. Exactly the distance you indicated. However, is that 100 miles rule as the crow flies or is it 100 miles of roadway. Again, check with your attorney but I believe in most instances you measure the distance as the crow flies.

So whats my point about knowing the distance. If your parental support is located at about 100 miles away and that is your states limit make sure the place you plan to reside is at the 95-99 mile mark and not at 110 miles. Then you will be within the law and he'll have no basis upon which to stop you legally. No sense creating an additional legal burden when you don't have to.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

Kim, what would you do with the house? Would you put it on the market?

Thanks Mr. Wondering - I belive that it is 120 miles from where I reside now. I will check into the legality.....research the Internet for starters. If I do decide to do this, I will be proper about it.

Melodylane - as far as the house is concerned, I do believe I would like to put it on the market. However, that would mean getting WH involved. I could live with my parents for a while, but I would like to get the house sold & find my own place down there. That would mean selling this house.

My pay would also be cut initially from where I have been employed for 10 years and beginning in the family business. I have to "earn" my keep there....that might put a bit of stress on me financially in keeping the house payments current

Kim

Hey Kimberly,

Not sure if you remember me. I have replied to you occassionally, particularly when you first went into Plan B. I just moved to Ga from Ca. Wow, life is different here..

I have continued to follow your story. YOu are doing a great job at protecting yourself.

Hey Better -

Thanks for checking in again - What part of GA did you move to? I am sure you got a pretty big culture shock when you moved here.

I have visited CA - my BIL's family lives in San Francisco.

Well, Welcome to the Peach State!

Kim

near Augusta

Ahh - that area is beautiful. I know GA probably seems pretty flat & boring, but I really hope you will like living here. I am just outside of Atlanta -

I have been researching on-line & so far have not found anything about how far away I can move. I did find this:

At the beginning of a divorce process, or when one spouse moves out of the house, it is best to visit court on that day or the soonest day possible. The reason for this would be to resolve any very important issues such as children and child custody. If the children are in your care, then you should immediately file for child custody and child support. This is actually a precaution so that you will be awarded the proper amount of child support, and the court will recognize that the children are in your care. By doing this, you will most likely be awarded child custody at the very beginning of your case. Also, by taking this action, your spouse cannot successfully claim that the children had been kidnapped. The court would dismiss this claim if you provide the proof that you did file for custody and child support.

It looks like I can file for custody without a lawyer for the time being. I just need to go to the court house & find out what I need to do. WH moved out, so I should be able to do this.

Kim