This came about last night as I was praying for my wife in bed. She's still talking to the OM, despite having implimented Plan A. Well, last night I recieved different direction on praying for her and have confirmed its validity with my pastor and father who is a deacon.

Up until now I had been praying for my wife's peace and have been asking God to really bless her and to show her His love, to which I believe He has. However, last night He had me change that. Now, I'm praying for her misery.

Before you stone me, hear me out. She has started school and has gone back to work and is using these as her little refuge away from me and the kids. She feels that if she engrosses herself so deep into these things, she won't have time to try and work it out.

I have prayed that these places of refuge become places she really wants to get away from. Not that I want her to quit school, it's just that her motivation is all wrong and she's using it against us. I've also prayed that her relationship with the OM becomes so miserable she has no choice but to leave him.

This may sound harsh and I really hate to see my wife in any pain or suffereing, but often times an addict has to get to the bottom before they start looking up. I have also asked for God to move his peace off of her for a time, in hopes that she'll miss her Daddy so much she'll run back to Him with open arms and tears.

Has anyone else gone this route yet? I'm usually the last to figure out all these cool things about God so I was wondering if anyone else has done it.


Thanks,

FN

No, actually, I haven't ever done that, because it would seem to me you're basically telling God what to do.

Why don't you pray that she makes herself right with the Lord? Or pray that God will heal your family.....but here's the catch... then you have to ACTUALLY give your marriage over to God. You can't try to control the situation, you have to let God take over and pray that he gives you the strength to obey his will, no matter what it may be.

You have to trust that God will do what's best for you.

I don't think you've reached that point yet, because you're even trying to control the method that God uses to repair your family.

Let Go hon, God knows what he's doing.

God Bless,

-Caren

Take control of your own life, trust yourself, don't blindly obey, no matter what...

This came about last night as I was praying for my wife in bed. She's still talking to the OM, despite having implimented Plan A.

nope
wrong
buzzzzzz

Plan A IS ALL ABOUT CONTACT WITH AN OP
Plan A IS ALL ABOUT INTERFERING TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY TO BREAK UP THE CONTACT.

Plan A HAS NO ACTION THAT INVOLVES A THING FROM A WS
Plan A IS ALL ABOUT MEETING THE NEEDS OF A SPOUSE ACTIVE IN AN AFFAIR.

why would you say she is still in contact inspite of implementing plan A...what does that mean...
are you saying you have been in plan A for a few months and have seen changes but there is still contact and it is time for for Plan B....

OR
are you under the belief that Plan A is something you and her do together..

ARK

I get what you are saying. I understand what you are saying. I pray that my wh hits rock bottom, I pray the my wh's eyes will be opened to the evilness he is involved in, I pray that God shows him something in Iraq that smacks wh upside his thick head. Even if there is never anything more between wh and I in a marriage I pray these things for him. My wh has been very unhappy for a very long time. I pray that he get the help he has needed for so long. So yes, I understand your line of prayer completely. mlhb

Hanzo-

Regarding your comment: "Take control of your own life, trust yourself, don't blindly obey, no matter what..."

Are you saying he shouldn't blindly obey God??? Are you kidding me?

God Bless,

-Caren

Fourth-

I just re-read my post to you, and it seems like I'm telling you how to pray, and I don't really want to do that, I just think that you need to let it go, trust that God will handle it.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account -Hebrews 4:13 NIV

God knows everything that is going on with you, he knows your heart, he wants you to be happy, just trust him hon.

God Bless,

-Caren

I understand and didn't take offense at all, don't worry. And yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. Trust me guys, this is still not a line of prayer I'm comfortable with myself but feel I'm being led to pray that way.

The Bible says that whatsoever you bind on earth shall be bound in Heaven, and whatsoever you allow on loose on earth shall be loosed in Heaven. This was how I was told to pray and am even still fighting it.

Yes, I still pray for my wife's blessing, and for her protection and for God to draw her back to Him, I'll never stop praying that. However, those things can't come to pass until she realizes what she's done. And at this time, that won't happen until she gets so miserable that she wakes up to it.

As far as my implmentation of Plan A, I told her about a week ago to stop all contact with OM. She said that at this time she didn't think she could but promised to tell him she would try. When she did, he admitted that he didn't have the same feelings for her anyways. Now, out of anger and a little spite, she's reluctantly resigning herself to working this out.

She's still in rebellion and fighting it tooth and nail because from her POV, she's comfortable in her situation. I'm praying, by the leading of God, that that comfort is yanked out from under her in order to bring her back to God, her children and me.

Is that a little clearer? Like mud huh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

And yes, I am trusting God to handle it, completely. I've had to fight myself in order to keep from trying to take charge of the situation. There are times where He's not even allowed me to speak, and other times where He's led every word I've said. This is one of those times where He's leading me in a new direction.

While God can do anything and everything, many times He doesn't move until we trust Him and pray. Which is exactly what I'm doing.


FN

Here's what I did...

I gave it all to God. NOT that I didn't take action myself to end the affair...but what I prayed for was simply that God's will be done in this situation.

If He wanted my marriage to be saved, then I prayed that He opened everyone's eyes to His will and guide us towards that goal. That He give us direction, and strength to get there. And I prayed for ALL of us...me, WW, and OM.

If He felt that it was best that our marriage should end, then I asked that He give us (me) the strength to let that happen...and take us down that road as well.

But ultimately, I simply asked for God's will to happen in our situation, and that He give all of us the strength and courage and guidance to reach His goal...for ALL of us.

I didn't tell my wife any of this at the time...she learned about what I prayed for AFTER she made her choice to reconcile our marriage.

Agreed, I've told my wife very little about what I pray, other than when we pray together before going to bed. I've had a bad habit of tipping my hand too often and have since learned to shut up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

FN

Hey FN,

We have similar situations. My wife escaped to her job and OM. Left me and the kids for awhile. If you have time, you can read my threads and see how similar it is.

On prayer...I understand what you are saying...and that isnt a bad prayer. Yo uare correct, as your pastor is.

My old pastor had a prayer that encompasses all of that, and really does keep my will out of it. He said, no matter wha tthe situation, we should always pray "Whatever it takes, Lord." That is a POWERFUL request. Basically, not only are you asking for His will to be done (which is what we are supposed to ask for)...but you are also getting out of the way by not trying to limit the Lord.

What if it takes the Lord allowing your WW to get in a car accident and become paralyzed, in order for her to get right with Him. Will you pray for that? Will you thank Him for that? What if that is the only way?

I am not directing these questions at you FN. Just trying to elaborate on what that prayer means. It is very simple...but very powerful.

So, I ask the Lord...even now..."I pray that you will do whatever it takes Lord for Mrs. Mortarman to come to you and to be what You have always intended her to be."

Just my two cents.

In His arms.

excellent as always mortarman... I am going to revamp my prayers a bit after that one! mlhb

Yes, I am willing to allow whatever it takes to get this marriage back on track, I just pray it doesn't come to something so drastic. I love my W and don't want to see her suffer for anything, but understand that when you allow God to move on your behalf, you never know what's going to happen to someone that's out of His will.

And MortarMan, do I know you from another forum? Oh and, 80mm or 120mm? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

FN

I was both 60mm and 81mm!! And no...I spend most of my time here. Although I have been on other forums from time to time on MB.


Just remember, Jesus asked "If it is Your will Father, please let this cup pass...but no matter, Your will be done." While I would not like something terrible to happen to my wife, I also do not have the knowledge that the Lord has. He may know that the ONLY thing that will save her from destruction is something terrible happening to her. If that is going to save her from destruction, dont I want to pray FOR that?!?!?

My wife got in an automobile accident last June. Her back is pretty messed up and she has spent a lot of time in pain. I dont liek it and I dont want to see her in pain. But thru my prayers and talking with my pastor, etc, I have now come to the realization that the Lord is using this accident to try to get thru to her. Is she listening? Not yet. Maybe it will take worse. Maybe she will lose the career she loves because of her back. Maybe she will have to end up in a wheel chair. I have no idea.

But, thru that prayer I mentioned, what I am saying is that if it is going to take her back getting worse, and her losing her job, and her in a wheelchair...in order to save her life and her eternity...then I am praying FOR that! I am allowing the person (God) who knows everything and who loves my wife, to do what is necessary in order for her to be saved.

This really is the way Jesus prayed.

Your WW, FN...may need soem very severe things to happen to her in order for the Lord to win her back. You must be willing to praise Him for those things, even if they are painful.

It is like taking your small child to the doctor. The child is scared of the pain of the shot. But that pain pales in comparison to the pain (and even death) of not getting the shot. So it is with this. That wheelchair I talked about above is a whole lot less painful than He!!. It also doesnt last as long.

In His arms.

When our son got kicked out of his sober living house for using --- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> --- my prayer went sompin like this:

God

push his nose deep into the gutter and make him as miserable as possible without doing permanent damage. Please don't let him die.

--- and God did just that ---

it was a blessing, his misery

some hard-headed people need REAL STRONG CONVINCING REASONS to turn their life around

When I first saw my WW, I prayed to the Lord to bring her to me, I had been completely smitten at first sight. He granted that prayer but it took me almost 8 years to learn the lesson of being careful for what we pray.

My prayers after DD were always that my WW would accept God back into her heart and soul. That lasted until I found that my WW's admitted past was a total fabrication and that apparently God had not resided within her for a long time. I am not being judgemental, just trying to relay the facts as I have found them,

Since then I have redoubled my prayers for her soul, and more importantly asked the Lord to guide me on the remainder of my earthly journey.

I know he won't fail me, hopefully I will not fail Him.

I like the prayer that never fails: God's will be done.

When we let go of our agenda, our prayers are more effective. The day I gave my marriage to God to do with as God wills, was the day I felt God really speak to me. It's not about our desires, needs, wants and demands. We can make requests but God will ultimately grant them.

I,too, have changed my prayer tactics. I pray for my WH, OW and my misguided inlaws. I don't pray for my marriage. Lately, I've told God that I'm very lonely and would like a loving, caring partner in my life again. If that person happens to have WH's name, great. If not...whatever the plan is. God's will be done.

My prayer is quite simply that God's Will Be Done, if that means saving my marriage, then great, if it doesn't, I don't have to like it, but I will accept God's Will.

I believe God knows what's in my heart, and I believe that he will save my marriage, it's something that I feel when I pray. I get a little misguided and twitchy if I haven't prayed in a while, but if I sit down and talk to God, I know that I'm okay, it's like he calms me down, and says "Caren, stop putting the cart before the horse, let me do my work on your husband", and I feel peace immediately. God is so great.

God Bless,

-Caren

Read Hosea 2.

I heard a sermon 25 years ago that has stayed with me all these years. I have been reminded of this over and over again as I have prayed for people who are in harms way. I have called on God to place a hedge of thorn bushes in their paths so that they can not follow the path that leads them to destruction and away from God.

I think this is extremely appropriate in praying for a WS. Placing thornbushes in their path that makes it impossible to move forward in their affair. The Lord uses this chapter to tell of Israel's rebuke and later restoration. The analogy used of a woman and her lovers is quite familiar to many of us.

Yes m'am I have done exactly that. I've read Hosea a couple times since this happened and I pray the hedge of thronbushes daily in my wife's life <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I had a close friend whose wife did the same thing a year or two back and he prayed this way as well. That's where I originally got the thornbush idea. Thank you very much for that confirmation.


FN