It has been many months since I have posted here but I needed some objective responses to my feelings.
My WH and I have both posted on this website before when we were going through the early stages of the discovery of his affair, separation, reconciliation, and finally initial divorce filing. For a quick rundown - Dday 6/7/05, separation that day per my request, reconciliation 7/17/05, divorce filed 10/20/05 and been apart ever since. Have two children 7 and 3, 8 yrs of marriage, and my daughter, 11, from previous marriage.
Obviously my gammet of emotion has been unimaginable and felt like I had come to peace with my decision to divorce and move on with my life. Found out that WH had started another relationship with someone about a month after I filed for divorce and that just stung more. He had been wanting to reconcile and work on the marriage but I just couldn't open myself up because the pain was so intense inside of me. So, he was in this relationship with a new female, 28. I'm 33 and he's 34. He said that I told him to move on and had filed for divorce with no indication that I wanted to get back together. This is true.
Coming up on the final divorce decree, my heart was just holding on. I struggled with the concept of divorcing a man that I still loved very much but how to overcome and rebuild where we were. So, we opened up the idea. He ended his new relationship and told her that he had a chance to work on his marriage and had to take it for his sake and his children's sake.
Since then, we have been talking, going out on dates, and I suggested meeting with his therapist to see if our marriage can be rebuilt through MC. We went for our first session and I was optimistic for the first time in a long time. MC suggested that we give it a timeline to focus on because there would be sessions that are difficult and we would want to quit rather than feel it. I was ok with putting the divorce on hold and seeing where our life was.
We go back for our 2nd session Wednesday and have to bring our inventory of core needs, issues that we have to see improved, etc. Suprisingly, I feel very alone right now. His family is pessimistic and doesn't want to see the kids or him hurt and going through the roller coaster again. My friends will think I'm a complete idiot and think I'm making a huge mistake and he will never change.
For the first time, I feel like I am the one fighting for our love and future and everyone is against me. I am trying not to read that as I'm making the wrong choice and God is throwing all these red flags out to move ahead and leave it alone.
Need some thoughts from others who have been there...
Thanks,
BL
