I can't believe i'm posting on the Divorce Forum... I'd hope I never had to be here other than just lurking, cause i know that for me to be here, things would have to be pretty bad in my marriage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, I posted this on the EN Forum , since that's where i'd ussually go, but someone suggested i post here and that I might get a bit more support... I just wanted to vent, so here it is:

It's been almost 3 weeks now since H told me he was going to leave me at the end of the month.

Ever since then, my wolrd's taken a neverending spin.

It's so hard to keep everything from falling apart, trying to protect the kids and control my emotions without having to deal w/ H's behavior on top of that.

The night he told me he was leaving, he also said thta sometimes that's what it takes for a couple to figure things out, and that the situation doesn't have to be permanent. I told him that knowing him, I knew that in our case it woud be permanent. He said "probably... but who knows."

We had agreed in keeping this whole thing as civil as possible, for the kids sake, if nothing also.

Things were civil, untill we told the kids... now that just about everyone knows that wwe're splitting up, his atittude changed.

He has no respect for me, and acts in complete desregard of what's appropriate for him to do now or not.

I mentioned he's been going to this dating service site. There his profile reads that he's looking for women for dating but possibly for a long term relationship... He's still at my house... moved to the basment, but has not left yet.

I asked him to at least have some respect for me, and wait a few weeks till he is out of the house. He told me that, by respecting me, i get to dictate him and tell him what todo, that I can forget it.

This was 2 Fridays ago(a week and a half after deciding to leave). On that saturday, he went to a get together that his dating website was having, and got sombody to take a picture of him with this woman (who , by the way, is old enough to be his mom if had him in her teens... wich happens a lot around here).
She's sitting on his lap, with her arms around his shoulder, and they're both laughing and having a goodtime.

He'd left that night around 8:30 and came home after 3:30am.

Then this past Friday, he left again, this time withoug saying anything( around 9) and when i got a hold of him after 10, he told me he had been looking at furniture at a store, and was on the way home but thinking about going for a drink again.

I told him since he'd gone out last weekend that this weekend he should be with the kids and i'd goout. Specially cause the kids had ot seen him hardly at all, and our 9yo was upset because of that.

He said he would have the whole weekend to spend with them.
And that he didn't like me telling him what todo, so he wasn't sure what time he'd come home. That the alternating weekend thing wasn't on yet. I told him that since he was doing everything as if we're already separated, including dating and moving to the basement and not caring what happens to me, then we might as well start the alternating weekends as well.

he said he would see if he'd come home right away... well, he came home at 2:30am.
Again last night, he left around midnight and came back just before 2am.

When I confronted him about this dating site thing, he said he knew about it a couple of months ago, but that he only sign up recently, cause we're splitting up.

I can't understand why he'd lie like that, since his profile says he's been a member since June of 2005... wich is when he first decided to break up, and gave me 3 months to find a fulltime job and move out.

I kept my part time job, dropped the babysitting job and got a second job after that, and started to pack my stuff.

About a month and a half after telling me he wanted me to leave, he said we should give it another good try before we called it quits. So I said that for me to consider that, he'd have to agree to resuming our MC, and the very first thing to do was, to get his mom to move. He said he'd talk to her.

Sombody here made some comment about how H would never be able to get his mom out of the house, and that she was willing to bet that in 6 months his mom would still be here with us... this was last September.

I finally got him to talk toher, wich he made her believe it she had to leave because of me... Like I was the only one unhappy with her in the house.

She cried and complained that she could not afford to move...so he dropped the subject.

Everytime I brought that up, he'd say that he didn't want to talk about that yet, and that we'd deal with it later.

Starfish suggested i join weightwatchers, wich I do... I'm losing the weight (slowly, but losing it). I was going to the gym with him 3 to 4 times a week up till kust before Christmas.

We had started dating every Friday night. then we stopped just before Christmas as well.

Then Star told him to give me a hand with the house work and for him to ask his mom to help out as well, since we all worked now, and I shouldn't have to do the house work mostly on my own. he said he would.

About 2 weeks later and he still ahd not talked to his mom, and wasn't helping much either.
He was told to spend more time with me and the kids and less in front of the computer, wich he tried doing it for about 3 or 4 days...but then stopped.

Now, to tell me he decided he didn't want to try anymore, when the whole time he had a membership at this dating service, and tried to prettend he wanted to work on the relationship...that takes me off... he wasted my time as much as his... on top of that, he le me to believe he actually wanted for things to get better.

no metter what I did or was willing to do...he had already made up his mind about leaving me... this was all a game to him... cause this way he could tell people "at least i tried..."

Everytime he looks at me, I see hate in his eyes... he looks at me with such dispise... I avoid him, and I can't wait for the end of the month... I want him gone.

I'm the mother of his kids... I think I deserve a bit better than the way he's treating me.... but, whatever... 8 more days till peace I haven't felt in many years. Life will be good again.

Till then, I have to walk around TIRED all day cause for the past 3 weeks I have not been able to get mre than 3hrs sleep. Althoug I am tired, i can't fall asleep... my mind is racing, and i have to get up and find something to do till I'm almost passed out from been tired. Then I can sleep, but it's already 3:30 or 4am... and I have to be up around 7, 7:30 to get the kids ready for school.

Anyway, I just needed to vent... people at home don't know all the details.

Hi mom walks around depressed about it... throwing up, from been upset... taken almost a whole week off work cause she could not handle been at work from been upset, so her boss sent her home and gave her special leave... She has said many times to me how hard ths is ON HER cause it feels like her marriage breaking up all over again...
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> She can't understand it... she's so upset... it feels worse then her divorce, because my kids are so small...

Meawhile, my kids are back at school 2 daysa fter findng out... I'm back at work, and so is H...but she can't work. she's back now, but always upset, and said one of her the girls at her work is giving us a table and chairs because she knows what a hard time MIL is goign through... grrrrrrr...
Yes, it's ALL ABOUT HER... it has always been... I told H more than enogh times to have his mom's head checked, cause I honestly believe somethign is wrong with her. but that's ok... I don't have to worry about that now.

Gotta find the few goodthings about this and focus on them...that's what i told my boys to do, and it's working for them... so I should follow my own advice.

K, my chest feels much better now that i got that all out... if you made it this far, thx for reading.
__________________________________________________

Hey Star... down on my weight again... I'm losing about 1lb a week, even throuh Christmas... wish I had joined weight watchers sooner... I don't feel deprived and the weight keeps going down... slowly, wich is better for me anyway.

thx again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi Pam:

Congratulations on your weight loss. Great to hear that you've found something that works for you. NO matter what happens, don't give up!

This is purely speculation on my part, but I've thought for some time that Slap was having an affair (or at the very least an emotional affair, online). All the signs are there---spending way too much time online, the sudden desire to leave, the almost immediate dating (before he's out of the house? GAWD.) You're the mother of his children-he should have given you much more respect. There's another woman in the picture somewhere, Pam. It's VERY evident to me.

He was always trying to justify it in his mind that he was young when he met you, he was a virgin before you...all that bull was just a smokescreen to convince himself that what he was doing was ok. I could tell even when Star offered to help you that he was only doing it to say that he tried, but he really didn't try. It was all to ease his guilty conscience.

Maybe he'll come to his senses. Maybe he needs to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Your children will thank you for being civil and not making this dramatic when they're older.

Until then, I suggest you work on yourself and don't get down about this situation. Keep up your weight loss (because it's good for your HEALTH) and think positive about all the improvements you've made in your life. Don't focus on the negative--everything will work out.

When I made the decision to ask my H to leave, it was a very difficult one. I'd taken on the role of Mother to him and I felt that I was abandoning him. I wore that guilt on my sleeve for at least a year...when I realized he was doing fine without me, I realized that all the guilt and worry was just a waste of time. You'll come to that conclusion as well, Pam.

I wish you all the best. Remember--there are tons of programs for single moms and the more you can educate yourself, the more options you'll have in the workforce. You're a survivor--you don't need him. Be successful and be a great role model for your children!

Pam,

wtg on the weight loss.

I think Slap has had his mind made up over this for a long time. I won't speculate about current or previous EA's but as aerie posted, all the signs have been there for quite some time.

The sitch with his mom has been a lead weight on your marriage since the day she moved in. She can't be too concerned or she would make every effort to remove herself from the triangle.

No one wants to tell a parent they have to leave but sometimes a man has to do what is best for the survival of his marriage and family.

I lived in a similar situation during my marriage. Not live-in inlaws, but close enough. The situation definately contributed to the demise of the marriage.

I can't help but feel that your marriage never had a chance with his mother living with you. I hope I am wrong. Good luck to you.

I heartily agree. The signs have been there for some time. I think your H is an unhappy man, who is looking outside to find happiness....and I don't think he will find it there, at least not for long.

Congrats on the weight loss, and on your moving forward.

Hugs--

Kathi

Pam,

I highly suggest that you seek legal counsel. Protect yourself and the kids. At the very least, understand what your legal rights are in a situation like this. WH has legal responsibilies to you and the children.

WH seems to be in an emotional fog. He does not know whether he is coming or going...whether he wants to leave or wants you to leave.

Your days of 'venting' are over. You need to take actions necessary to protect yourself and the kids should WH decide to put you on the street.

You can only depend on yourself at this point.

Hey, Aeri.

"Congratulations on your weight loss. Great to hear that you've found something that works for you. NO matter what happens, don't give up!"

Thank you. I won't give up. Today was the last day of my pass, so I signed up again for another 10 weeks.

I was afraid to step on the scale today since it's been a bad week for me. But to my surprise, my weight was down again, so I'm happy about that.

I'm about 5lbs away from my 10% goal, so I'm pretty excited about that. I should be getting a little gift from the WW lider then, but I want to get myself something nice as well... just haven't decided what yet.

"I've thought for some time that Slap was having an affair (or... emotional affair, online)...the signs are there... too much time online, the sudden desire to leave, the almost immediate dating (before he's out of the house? GAWD.)"

Yes, the signs have always been there. I have cought him before talking to other women oline. He always minimized the screen so I would read it when I came in the room( he does that when he's talking to someone from MB as well... will spend hours chatting with this one person, althouh I don't see it posible for them to have an affair since she's so far away...but she's definetly fullfilling his need for conversation). Also he never wanted me to have his password for his e-mail account even though he knew mine (I changed it after that).

"You're the mother of his children-he should have given you much more respect."

But when I asked him for that, he suggested i was dictating him and telling him what to do... that's what he said. I told him that wasn't it, I just didn't think it was appropriate for him to begin dating while still in the house... he said that THAT was a matter of opinion and he happen to not agree with me. but if I wanted he'd move out right away cause a friend from work offered him a place to stay till the end of the month... I told him don't bother.

"He was always trying to justify it in his mind that he was young when he met you, he was a virgin before you...all that bull was just a smokescreen to convince himself that what he was doing was ok."

yeah, well I was young too, and he was my first as well... for all I care, he can use that excuse as much as he wants now... it doesn't matter anymore. When the fog passes, he'll kick himself for this.

The only reason I put up with all of this as long as I have, was because I did not want to see the look that I saw in my kids eyes the night we told them.

I'd put up with anything just to keep them from having to mature so fast about this kind of stuff.
The hurt my 9yo felt that night, I will never forget. I cried with him, not because my marriage was over (it was over long ago), but because I could feel his pain( I felt it years ago when this whole thing started), and his little heart just ached. I did not want H to see me cry, but I could not help holding my 9yo while he cried so hard, and not cry with him. My heart was broken.

I apologized to him for not been able to make it work, and I told him that someday everything would be ok again... "I promise you." He's dealing with it better now.

The 7yo doesn't quit get it. He's already forgotten all about it, unless somebody brings it up. But when moving day comes for daddy, 7yo will really understand, and I think only then he'll be trully upset.

"...even when Star offered to help you that he was only doing it to say that he tried, but he really didn't try. It was all to ease his guilty conscience."

I agree.

"Maybe he'll come to his senses."

He will. It might take quit sometime, but he will.

Maybe he needs to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side.

Yep. And he will miss me (even thou he thinks he won't). And he will hate me for existing, cause now he's gotten used to having me around, but doens't want to miss me and it's all my fault... then he'll try and get with another girl right away.. and hope that will take care of it.. but it will only work for a little while, then he'll catch himself thinking about me, and trying not to say my name when talking to his new woman. then he'll start wondering if he made the right decision. etc... bottom line is, he will regret it... eventually.

Your children will thank you for being civil and not making this dramatic when they're older.

I just want to minimize the pain and damage they'll suffer through all of this.

work on yourself and don't get down about this situation.
I'm really trying.

Don't focus on the negative--everything will work out.

Thank you. I'm 100% sure things will be just fine.

When I ask my H to leave, it was a very difficult... I'd taken on the role of Mother to him and I felt that I was abandoning him. I wore that guilt on my sleeve for at least a year...when I realized he was doing fine without me... all the guilt and worry was just a waste of time. You'll come to that conclusion as well, Pam.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm not worried about him, since it was his decision to leave me. I never asked him to go... so as far as I'm concerned, whatever dificulty he encounters, he brought it on himself and cannot blame me for it. I wish him luck, although I've been on MB long enough to know where this road he's taken ends.

I wish you all the best.
Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I appreciate that.

Hi ba109

wtg on the weight loss.

Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think Slap has had his mind made up over this for a long time.

You too, eh?? I think you are right.

The sitch with his mom has been a lead weight on your marriage since the day she moved in.

Yep, wich will be 7years sometime next month( when they move out).

She can't be too concerned or she would make every effort to remove herself from the triangle.

When she first found out (back in June of last year) she said if she knew that moving out of the house would help us work on our marriage, that would move the very next day.

So in September of that same year, when H said we should give it another try, and I toldhim he had to get her out first... he told er she'd need to move ni order for us to work on our M, and she got all misty, and said she could not afford to move out, and that she thougth things were better between her and I since she stoped butting in and interfearing with the way I raise the kids, blab blah blah...

H dropped the subject, and never brought it up again with her... so she just didn't bother saving any money to move out. Now she's gonna be with him for one month, saving the money she could have saved months before... so she can get her own place, cause she knows H doens't want her living with him for more than 1 month... she could have done this sooner and given us a shot at making things better... then again, who knows... she'd move out and we'd still brake up... but at least she'd shown she gave a [email]d@mn[/email] about her son's marriage, instead of going around telling me and other people that SHE is going through a hard time cause my kids are suffering and they are so young... if she cared that much... why did she not move out when H asked her, so we could try and avoind putting the kids through this???

Whatever... 7 more days till peace of mind and heart. It's almost over now. I'll be able to actually looking forward to coming home after work again. Instead of dreading the athmosfear, the looks, the tension...etc. LIFE WILL BE GOOD AGAIN.

I can't help but feel that your marriage never had a chance with his mother living with you. I hope I am wrong.

You are not wrong. All the things he asked of me, I might've not succeded at all of them, but at least I tried. All I asked of him was that he got his mom out of the house so we could work on us. He couldn't do that. But it doesn't matter anymore. He's leaving me, but at least she's gone too( and so will all that added stress be gone as well).

Good luck to you.

thank you.

Hi Kathi,

I think your H is an unhappy man, who is looking outside to find happiness....and I don't think he will find it there, at least not for long.

And I agree with you 100%.


Congrats on the weight loss, and on your moving forward.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you. And Thank you.

I highly suggest that you seek legal counsel. Protect yourself and the kids. At the very least, understand what your legal rights are in a situation like this. WH has legal responsibilies to you and the children.

We've agreed on an amount he's going to give me every month. I don't want to get Judges, and Lawyers involved cause it would be too much of a headache and that much more painfull for the kids. I'm hoping he keeps his word as to how much he's going to give me, wich is going to help with the rent... I don't wanna have to take it to court if I can avoid it.

I don't really know what's the best thing to do here. As long as he keeps his end of the deal, I can ask for more hours at work and keep it together here, for the kids. I don't want them to lose the house we're in, as well as their friends and possily have to move them to a new school... at least not yet.

If I can, it would be best to let them deal with all of these things for at least a couple of months, then i can consider moving... don't want everything to change for them at once. the separation will be change enough for them, for a while.

"Your days of 'venting' are over. You need to take actions necessary to protect yourself and the kids should WH decide to put you on the street."

I hope he doesn't go there... puttng me on the streets, means putting his kids there too... and if he tries to take them from me, now that would not earn a lot of point for him with the kids... he loves them too muchn to risk losing their love and respect like that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> This blows.

Pam - I'm happy for your strength right now, sad for you and your boys because of the actions of their father and their grandmother.

You will need legal counsel - consider that Slap will be consistent in his inconsistency at keeping his word - his infidelity and selfishness will translate into the care of your boys, so while you don't want to get judges and lawyers and courts involved, if you don't you need to be working for a lot more money because Slap isn't going to pay a dime toward the care of his children. Not a dime - he doesn't have the strength of character to keep his word, even to his children.

Hi Pam,

Yes, congrats on the weight loss. I swear, it's the hardest thing in the world to lose weight, especially when it's been a yo-yo thing for years. I know!

I agree with the others who say he'd "checked out" of the marriage long ago. I think it was a lose/lose situation for you. Had you lost every single ounce of weight, he would have found something else. He was/is UNHAPPY IN HIS OWN SKIN. The hardest thing in the world is to look *within yourself* for the root of unhappiness. Many men, especially, struggle with true and deep self-reflection.

You, OTOH, have proven your strength! You've looked inside. You've done things you didn't think possible before. BE PROUD!

PS: I've always thought Slappy had a good heart, and was his own worst enemy. Several years ago, he reached out to my H and me. I will remember that, always.

Pam, look in your local papers or with the churches to find a "separated/divorced" support group. Being around others in your sitch can be very helpful.

And just so you know, separation could lead to sign. weight loss. (I only wish I had kept mine off).
Good luck to you. You don't necessarily need a lawyer to determine how much support you should be getting from Slap.
You can likely go to a family court to get info without filing. (I know you are in CN and laws are different).

Also, look for a kids support group for the boys. www.rainbows.org or www.divorcecare.org can help you.
Buy the book Mom's House/Dad's house for easy solutions to issues. Set a parenting schedule and stick to it for everyone's sake. Consistency for the kids is important.
Good luck.

Hi Pam,

Your situation is pathetic to say the least. For a man who wants all the wonders, Slap hasn't been willing to put forth the effort on his own side. I agree with new_beginnings - he's unhappy in his own skin, and his unhappiness will follow him.

If he's interested in living separated at this point, he should be taking responsibility for himself, and his kids, on the same schedule as if he were already out of the house. But... I didn't expect him to keep his own word about not dumping you and the kids. He feels he owes you nothing, from what he's said, and you will probably get that.

I think it sucks. He moved you to Canada away from your family and your support, gave you none of the acceptancy you deserved, and now he's dumping you. After you caring for his mother and busting your buns for him, as well as all the time he's spent rejecting you, you most certainly do deserve better from him.

You deserve time without HIS mother in your home to make a marriage work, but I'm not sure he's ever going to give your marriage that chance. He checked out a long time ago, and hasn't been willing to check back in that I've heard.

You do need to find out what your legal rights are and make sure you take full advantage of those. You are in a foreign country, Pam, you need to have every opportunity you need to support yourself and have support for your children.

Blessings,

Jan

I was going to just let this slide. I suppose though that I'm feeling more than a little irritated by this.

I don't know how many stories I've shared over the years about some of the difficult jobs I've had over the years. The hours I've worked and some of the tasks I've had to do.

In BC there were days I would come home still drenched from sweat from being in a struggle with a drug addict who became violent in withdrawl. Or when we first moved here, how I used to sometimes have to work 48 hours at a stretch.

One of the worst examples was the time I had to remove this deceased man whose body was rotted and melted and falling apart in the bathtub. The scene was so awful, the Police officers who were there with us told me that if they were me, they'd sooner quit than do what I did.

I absolutely did feel like quitting and walking out the door, but I didn't. Instead, I just thought about how this was going to put food in my kids mouths and that I didn't have to like it, I just had to do it.

And it wasn't just that one day. There are lots of other examples that I could share.

So you can take what you think you know about my strength of character and shove it. That goes for you too, Jan.

What bothers me most is not what MB people say, but the fact that you know these stories, Su. You saw me come home aching and exhausted from incidents at the hospital. You saw me at the washing machine, repeatedly washing my clothes to wash the smell of that guy out. You saw me come home in BC drenched from walking home 2 kilometres in rainstorms from the closest bus stop to the house night in and night out. You know how hard I've worked for you and these boys for the past 10 years.

Despite the fact that our marriage is over, if anyone ever suggested to me that you don't love those boys, or wouldn't care for them, I'd tell them that they were wrong.

I'm disappointed that you would not extend me the same courtesy. Hurt feelings or not.

Some strannger thinks that I wouldn't give a dime to feed those boys and you let that slide?

Actually Pam probablly hasn't had a chance to respond yet as she seems to be posting later in the evening when she has the time to politely answer each response.

Also, I don't know how she can honestly defend your character as a parent or a husband at this point because you are no longer the stable husband and parent that she could once depend on.

You are no longer dedicated to the marriage. How can she know that you are dedicated to your children? She cannot rely on your past history as a parent anymore than she can rely on your past history as a husband.

Divorces can get bitter and children are often placed in the middle and used as pawns. If you are a good parent and want to remain a good parent then your actions will prove it. You don't need Pam to defend you.

At this point Pam can only look at you and wonder what will be your next action.

Slap - you don't have the strength of character to give your children the one thing beyond money that they truly need to be happy and successful in life - a father who loves their mother.

Instead you treat her with contempt and disrespect.

So if you won't give them what they really need, how in the world can Pam count on you providing for their other needs?

The world revolves around you now, or you'd at least have the decency to act like a man around your sons!

edit to add:

Slap - I would love to be wrong in your case - the way to do that is stop acting like a teenager who just got the keys to the car, has no moral code and is intent on getting laid at every opportunity - your sons need a grown-up male role model - not this fraud you want to perpetrate on your way out the door.

Considering that the objective here is saving a relationship and not kicking someone in the teeth - I think I need to clarify something.

Slap, I understand you can be a caring, concerned individual, dedicated to your work and intensely involved in the human side of need fulfillment. I have no doubt that if you so choose, you have the character, the stamina, and even the dedication to fulfill your responsibilities to the boys and Pam. My opinion is based on statements you've made about how you wish to make your choices.

Neither of you have made choices that are beneficial to your marriage, or put each other above other interests and concerns. You readily admit that your job comes before your family, frequently (to the point it sounds like bragging) and complain in the same breath about Pam spending time chattering with friends instead of thinking about your needs.

As a friend to you both, I've seen both of you step out of the marriage, and literally check out of your lives together, blaming the other one, instead of making any effort to support each other and put the other's feelings first and foremost on your priority list.

You can be angry with me. Doesn't make a bit of difference to me - I don't have to live your lives. But what are you doing about your relationships with your boys - either or both of you. If your marriage is over, fine. End it. Be angry - end it with all the animousity you can muster - doesn't matter to me. But who is there for your children?

Pam wants her evening/weekend out on the town. Slap wants his evening/weekend out on the town. Every other weekend is great! Works well, but who's minding the kids?

Are your boys going to see your involvement in your jobs as being the concern and care they need to fulfill their lives?

Are you happier out on the town every weekend getting your needs met by a different woman or man every weekend? If you're still the one in your skin - I'm betting not. Oh, it's high time on the town tonight, but what about Monday morning? When you look in the mirror, is anything better?

Life is made up of choices. Good ones or bad ones. I've made some bad choices in my life - and a lot of good ones. You have to do the same. In the end, you have to decide for yourself if the choices you make today are the ones you'll want to look back on tomorrow.

Pam, you can make a difference yourself, by making a diffent choice and being more supportive of the things Slap does right - even now. The same as he can. Both of you have choices to make - make good ones.

Just for the record, I'm not getting my "needs" met by anyone right now, despite what she thinks.

Are you suggesting that I am having sex with other men?

You know about my family situation.

Did you mean that to sound as cruel as it sounded to me?

Please re-read the post. Maybe if you get your head out of the fog you could see that clearly. The post in general was geared at BOTH you and Pam, not just YOU.

And that part was geared to pam.

Ok, this is getting ridiculous.

First of all, Mark, I did not see the post that kaylaandy sent.

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I did respond to ba109's post about how we had come to an agreement on the child support thing, and that between that and me asking more hours at work, that I'd be fine.

You're not a bad father. I know that and you know that. And the kids know it too.

I did get a bit scared when somebody suggested you'd get me kicked out of the house... cause the whole idea just threw me back... and it sucks to even think about that. But Iknow that no matter how much you hate me, you would not do such thing, because even if you don't love me, you love our kids, and you would not put them throgh that( plus I like to think you are a better person than that)... I did say something like that in response. then I left, and the only time I was here today was when i got home from work, and I posted about my friend who almost died today form that accident.

I haven't spent much time worring about my situation today, cause I feared for her kids having to grow up without their mom... I've been upset about it all day.

I decided to come and check on this thread now, and find a big fight going on. That was not the intention.

that been said, i'm sorry somebody suggested you're bad father. If there's anything I admire in you, is how in the middle of all this, you're trying to make the kids feel safe.

You did not have to get an apartment across the street from us, but you did so the kids can feel safe. They can see your place every time we come home from school, and they can see it from their bedroom window, too... that makes them feel better... to know you're gonna be close by.

i told them to find anything good in this whole situation and to focus on that... and having you live so close by has been one of those positive things for them both.

OS jokes about how if you make anything for supper that he doesn't want, he'll just sneak out the bathroom window and come over have supper with me, then go back afterwards.

the fact that he can make up jokes at all involving this situation, tells me he's learning to find ways to cope with all of this, and he's gona be able to help his little brother too, with that.

Now Jan, the thing about us wanting to go out in town, etc... I only gave him a hard time about it been my weekend, not because I wanted to go out and have fun... I just don't need to see anymore pictures of him with some woman on his lap, from whatever event he might've gone to... DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND FOR THAT.

Just cause the marriage is over doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to see him spending hours on the computer talking to these women, and then leaving and saying he's going for a drink.... of course I'm gonna think he's gonna meet up with some of them.

Like I said,i just can't wait till the end of the month... then he can do whatever the #ell he wants, and I don't have to know about it. and in this case, what I dont know, cannot hurt me.

As for, "who's gonna take care of the kids?" I WILL.
I have arranged at work so that they won't make me work anytime the kids are home with me.

The days that Mark has them, I'll work extra hours, cause i don't have to pick them up from school.

The weekends i don't have the kids, I'll be working at BOTH jobs on Saturday, wich means I could be home as late as 11pm... so i'm not gonna be going out then.

Sunday is my only day off.

I'm not in a hurry to get into a new relationship. I'm gonna find the positive things to focus on.

QUE SERA, SERA.

Now, i'm gona go try and get some rest, cause I had a really dificult day (week), and I really don't need the added stress.

Good night all.