Slappy - when you decide to remove your head from your butt and read what I wrote instead of feeling guilty and trying to put your own narrow minded ideas off onto me - you're a big boy, you'll understand. I have faith that you are capable of reading past the fog. I even still have enough hope to TRUST that eventually you'll grow up and come to your senses. Until then, I guess whatever you want to read into my words, you probably will.

Pam & Slap,

Good luck with that game plan you're putting together. I'm thinking you might want to package it and sell it. I've heard the producers of Scruples are looking for new ideas.

Jan

That's really nice Jan,

Thank you for the support.

Thanks a lot.

Pam, Don't stop posting just because Slap feels his reputation as a father is impuned - but facts are facts - a GOOD father does what ever it takes to preserve a family for his children - that means a father AND a mother - and they work hard to love each other.

And that element of fatherhood Slap has failed miserably - intentionally and willfully - and that's what I struggle with the hardest to express myself in a civil tone about your situation.

You don't need me giving you grief about it right now though - I am so sorry for all of the sadness and grief in your life. The only thing I know for certain is that God knows you are stronger and more resilient than you know - but you will learn more about what He knows of your goodness and strength in the next few days, weeks and months!

Best wishes, prayers and hopes for you and your children (and for Slap - whether he wants them or not)

Kayla

"Pam, Don't stop posting just because Slap feels his reputation as a father is impuned ..."

I'm not, KA. I stoped because Jan's post really upset me, since only God knows what I'm doing to keep it together for them, and then for her to come here and make fun of what I thougt would be the best way I could handle this situation, really didn't help. She could have said she didn't think it was the best idea and make some suggestions, but sarcastic comments are not what I need right now. I'm doing the best I can, with what I have. My emotions are all over the place, and I'm going on 3 to 4 hours of sleep most days lately.

I had to work at one job yesterday from 9am to 1:30 pm, then rush to my other job for 2pm,and work till 7pm. After I was off, I went and got a few groceries that we needed, and then walked home. I barely walk in the door at 8:15pm, my 8yo greets me with "Oh, hi mom! So, can we have supper, now?"
H ALWAYS have the fed by 6:30 the latest, when I have to work through supper time, so this was not like him.

I look over and here is MIL sitting on the couch watching tv, and I say "where's H?" she says "he left about 15 mins ago" I said "did he say where he went?" , "no, he just showered, got ready, said he was going out and that 'Su will be home soon', then he left" she says.

I get angry, and call him on his cell... the voice mail picked up a coul of times, then he finally answered:

H: hello?

me: where are you?

H: at a club.

me: whay are you at a club whenit's almost 8:30 and the kids haven't had supper yet?

H: we had a late lunch, and they had a snack at about 5pm, so they weren't hungry for supper when I left"

me: how's that possible, since your mom said you left 15 mins ago, and I just walked in and the first thing 7yo says to me after 'hi mom' is, can we have supper now? Also, who are you there with?

h: I'm by myself. (as if...)

Anyway, he started to repeat himself about how they ate a late lunch, blah blah blah, so I hung up on him...
This is the 3 weekedn in the row that he goes out, and comes home really late. I gues he want so enjoy it now, since he wont be able to go out every weekend anymore.

I had to call him back, because our internet was down and the cable company was unable to help me over the phone. So, H said he'd take a look when he came home.
I asked him if he was at ANOTHER get together from that website dating service, and he said yes. A group had gontten together at this club, and he went as well.

He got home sometime after 3am. I was asleep when he woke me up "how come I can't reboot my computer?" I guess he thought I crashed it on purpose, cause I was furious... as if. It turns out he might've dowloaded a virus while downloading other things. So he's taken it to be fixed.

He's moving on Tuesday, and getting the movers to come get his stuff on Saturday, since him and his mom are both off.

Whatever... 2 more days and I don't have to give a [email]d@mn[/email] anymore.

He's on his moms computer right now( she's working evenings tonight), talking to his new friends frm that dateing service, as well as to his MB best friend, whom he seems to spend too much time chatting with for months now.. I guess they meet each others need for conversation, and venting porpuse.

Good for both of them. Wish them both the very best.

I've got enough on my plate right now, and don't need anymore of this crap. Life sucks right now. I wish I had a "forward" button to push. I know I'll be just fine, I just want to skip the steps that I'll have to take in order to get there.

Don't be surprised if you guys don't see me around here for a while after this week. But I will definetly come back, at some point.

Thank you all.

This "MB friend" wouldn't happen to be Carina, would it?

No, it's not Carina.

Pam- You can't depend on Slap for anything anymore. That is the one thing you have to get in your head. That part of the relationship is gone right now. It may feel better when he is gone. You need this time alone to get your thoughts together. You also need to sit down and make out a game plan for yourself. What needs to be paid and when, who you will have fix things that are broken, who can take care of the kids when you have to work and they are sick. You can't depend on Slap to be there. Even though he has been a good father to the boys things change with divorce. Especially when there is some hanky panky going on. Not saying he is having an affair but his life style has changed dramaticaly.

Another piece of advice is don't call him. No contact unless it has to do with the health or welfare of the kids. If you call him it makes you look desperate. Let him call you and even then no fighting on the phone. If the call isn't important tell him you have to go and hang up.

You and the kids need to start doing fun things you enjoy doing. Take time for yourself and just relax. The single life isn't easy but it isn't all that bad either. After the initial shock of it all I was actually very happy on my own.

The best thing you can do for your kids is to never bad talk their Dad. Always allow them to call him when they want and see him when they want. Let it be Slap who makes or breaks their relationship with him.

From this day on you need to start looking ahead and not behind. You can't change the past but you have control over your future. Do everything you can to better yourself.


JIll

You're right JIll, I do have to think of someone who can help me when something brakes down. AND I need to stop calling him unless it's about the kids, since even though the computer thing was about how OS could not connect to his game online, I should have left it alone till H came home.


Today I had to keep the kids form scholl... ys has a bad could and Os even worse.. seems like it's the flu. He was up past 4:30am last night, cause he kept coughing wich made it difficult for him to fall asleep.

The med.s ddn't do much to help him. plus he had a fever and headache. So he came into my room and laid on my bed, while I was on the computer since I couldn't fall asleep either.

I asked him how he ws feeling about daddy moving out on Tuesday:

OS: I'm ok with that.

Me: are you still very upset about it? do you wanna talk about that some more? Or have any questions?

OS: no, it's ok. I'm ok now.

Me: there's difference between been ok about it, and just wanting to hide you feelings so you don't have to think or talk about it. That's not good for you, cause then it makes you feel worse, and angry... you need to let it out.

OS: I know mom, but I already let it all out that night you and dad talked to me. I don't feel so bad about it now. It still bothers me, but I know it's gonna be ok.

Me: do you find easier looking for good things to focus on, and does it help? Like, having your own bedroom?

OS: yeah, it does. It will be nice to have my own room.

I gave him a kiss on the forhead and he tried to fall asleep.

My work so far have been good about this situation. Even though my hours have not gotten much better, they're ok with me staying home if the kids are sick. I hope they remain nice like thay are. It's a family business, so they seem a lot more understanding than some of the people at my other job, wich is a huge comporation (they don't always care).

Ok, I gotta go get some stuff done.