I'm beginning to understand the need for this thread, and the need to centralize all my issues into one. Here goes.
My WW and I will have been married for fourteen years this May. We have two kids, D-9, S-3. I have been distracted by work, my service in the military, projects and various other things throughout our marriage and have rarely been home. This left my W to raise the kids seemingly by herself.
I have also had a major addiction that eventually took its toll on our intimacy. I asked for help over and over but she didn't think it was that big of a problem, that it was just something guys did.
Long story short, she became very disenchanted with our marriage over the past six or seven years. She'd make a move to leave and I'd swear to do better and it would happen all over again. She's the passive/aggressive type so she'd keep it all bottled up inside until she couldn't take anymore.
Well, a little over a year ago she got in contact with a friend from HS through Classmates.com. I say that URL with bitterness rolling off the tongue as you can probably tell. Anyways, this was the guy she stood up on a date to go out with me. One thing led to another and she eventually began to discuss our problems with him. He being the good friend that he was, met her needs in the typical textbook fashion.
In May of last year, I came home from a weekend drill to find her and the kids gone. They had moved in with her mother, who up until that point had been living with us. Over the period of about two months, I talked her into coming home and working this out.
She said that she still loved me but wasn't "in love" with me anymore. I'm starting to see a trend here among all the other posts. Well, we started to see our pastor for counseling and he encouraged us to keep working at it. No goals were set and it was very informal.
August rolls around and I get deployed to New Orleans for Hurrican Katrina relief. While I was there she tells me she needs to go home to NC for a break away from the kids for two weeks. Granted, we're both devout Christians so my W is the last person I would have ever thought would be having an affair.
When I got back from NO, she sat me down that very night and told me she was leaving. She moved into the downstairs bedroom and enrolled in a local beauty college. She needed to stay in the house until she graduated because she couldn't make it on her own.
At this point I started to moniter her emails and asked her to see a true MC too which she eventually agreed. Over the course of the next month I discovered that she had been emailing this guy in NC, I still sdidn't know the extent of it all yet and I confronted her with it the night before Thanksgiving. The reason I did was because the day before, I had filed for the D in fear that she was going to take the kids and split for NC. There was evidence in her emails.
She told me the OM was just a friend that she had been talking to and I believed it for a couple of weeks until we started counseling. She had a private session with the MC and he encouraged her to write me a letter and read it at the next session. At this time I figured what it was about and confronted her with it during that week. She admitted to having slept with him and having gone to NC just to meet him.
She said that she was in love with him and had hoped to be with him after a D. I was devestated but had been preparing for the blow for a few days. At this point, I had been on my face before God nearly every day and every moment I could get free time. I had renounced my addiction and started seeking advice from the MC who is also an addiction counselor, I've been free of it since Thanksgiving.
Two weeks ago I told her that in order for this to work, she had to stop talking to him and cut all communications with him. She told me that she didn't know if she could but would try. I asked her to promise that she would tell him what I had told her and she did. The next day when she told him, she gathered from things that he said, that he didn't feel the same way towards her that she did and this floored her. She cut school that day and pretty much cried all day long.
That night she told me that she didn't want to work it out and that she knew she'd be better off on her own... period. I sat her down and tried to talk her out of it, finally getting an angry commitment to try before we went to bed.
I have laid off the heavy discussions for a week, but laid down with her last night and talked some, getting the OM's city from her. We have no official NC because she still hasn't sgreed to cut off comms with him. I am writing him a letter, appealing to his Christianity, to be the better man and back out so her and I could work it out. He had told her that day, that he'd be willing to do that so we could.
That pretty much brings everything up to date, from here on out, it's all uphill <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
FN
