LA-

We appear to be drawn to the same posts...LOL, I feel like I'm stalking you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I like to read what you have to say, you have some very good insight.

MrLocked-

I'm wondering how your night is going, I hope it is going well.

God Bless,

-Caren

LA, Caren,

I really appreciate you both giving my situation what seems to be so much attention. I cant tell you how much it is appreciated.

Caren, I made plans to go out with my sister. My family has always been close and that was something my WW has always been jeleous of. She cant stand my sister or my mother.

OM was at her home, so i did not stop back by. It was during DS10's party so I have no clue what time it went till. It was not a good idea i stop there, to angry.

WW called me about 9.45 and found out who i was with (my sister) and hung up on me. I text msg'd her after trying to call a few times, would not answer..

I text'd her askinv her to call me back , she responded 'dont count on it', I responded 'im not', her '???", I "what are you asking me".. that was it for night.

I got home bit ago voicemail said she was not sure if the family party was going to be saturday or sunday.

We will see.



Anyway, there ya go.

--

MrLocked-

How ya doing today?

I can't speak for LA, but as for giving your post so much attention, I'm happy to do it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (I'm sure LA is too).

I understand you not stopping by the party if you didn't think you could handle yourself.....good decision.

So now she's not sure when the family party will be?? Sheesh, how is she going to get anyone to come if she doesn't know when it is?

Has your WW always had a problem with your Mom and Sister?

As for the text messages.....she's just trying to *punish* you for being out and having a good time when you're supposed to be at home pining for her...LOL.

Hey, MelodyLane posted a site on another persons post. It's a peoplefinder search engine, and it gives possible relatives. I thought maybe you could throw OM's name in there and see if you can't find his parents or siblings and let them know what a stand up guy OM is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The site is: PeopleFinders

Check it out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have a good day hon.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren,

Doing good thank you for asking.

WW called this morning giving me grief because I continue to ask when sons party is. Still no idea. Crazy eh? Things sure are changing.

WW has always had issues with my family, the last two years they have been major issues with my mother and my sister.

My sis, WW does not like her lifestyle. She's a single mom who enjoys dating, going out dancing and having fun. Ok, what's wrong with that. She is single! Tramp, slut, etc etc. all i hear.

My mother, i never could understand why all the tension. She is the one person who has helped us more then WW's entire family together over the years. Been there for us when we had money problems, all our moves, kids, holidays, etc. I have always received grief from WW because I have a close/open relationship with my family. The last few years the slightest contact with family sparked off some colorful comment or other childish behavior.

Yes, I know she was trying to punish. Did not bother me one bit, i had fun. She knows it.

I have done research on OM's family and have some possibilities, but I have no way of knowing for sure if they are relatives. I found a couple I think are his parents, same small town. I suppose I could send a letter anyway. Just have not done so yet.

Take care

--

Yeah, might as well, if it's not them they'll disregard. If it is them.....it'll embarrass the OM at the very least.

Your WW calls your sister a slut?? LMAO that's rich!! Too bad it's a love buster to say "Well...what does that make you then??" LOL!!!!!

My sister in law is the party machine too....I don't have a problem with it. Same sitch, she's a single (Well she's always on again, off again with her boyfriend) mom and if she makes sure her kids are taken care of, I don't have any problem with it. I mean it's not the type of lifestyle *I* want, but far be it for me to judge anyone else.

So, we still don't know when the party is, eh? She just gonna call the rest of the family and say.....the party is........is........is..........NOW come over....LOL.

Sounds to me like we're working around OM's schedule.....

God Bless,

-Caren

Soooooooooooo did we have a party today??

God Bless,

-Caren

Nope. DS10 had his last BBall game today which I went to. Asked again still no idea. First BDay party I ever remember being in limbo.

Went out a few hours again tonight. No word about anything. What can ya do.

--

You've probably already tried this but have you asked your son if he knows anything about the BDay party?

Caren--

WW called me this afternoon told me party was at 4.30 at her grandma's. Havent seen her grandma since Thanksgiving. Went to do my laundry and at few minutes before 4 WW is buzzing my cell wanting to know where i was. She was going to her grandma's NOW and was not going to wait around all day for me.

Only one who showed was me, WW, boys, her grandma and her mom. DS10 seemed to enjoy it regardless. WW’s grandma was upset I had to leave wanted me to stop by and see her sometime soon (she lives around corner from me). WW’s mom told me to stop by her place sometime too. Hmmm…

I went back to laundry mat (sucks) to finish laundry then went down to pub with some friends to watch the rest of the nascar race. WW buzzed my cell and txt’d me at least half dozen times or more. Didn’t answer.

What it was is she drove by and saw my truck at the bar (we used to go there a lot) and wanted to drive me nuts. I talked to her a few minutes ago and she didn’t need anything, something about Tuesday. Was pretty PO’d I did not call her back yet. ******, one of her VM’s was “Who are you with that you wont answer the phone”.

You know I love this woman but damn, sometimes she sounds like a spiteful teenager. Anymore that seems to be the majority of the time.

Not much really more to say. Kinda a crappy day. Felt pretty down this morning but ok rest of day. Have not really seen or talked to WW and kids much at all this weekend.

--

MrLocked-

I'm glad that your DS had fun, that's what counts.

LOL that she was upset that you weren't answering her calls/texts. Been there...done that.

They get quite irate don't they?? How dare you go off and do something and ignore them?!?!?! You're acting like they aren't pleasant to be around!! LOL

You're doing good.....making her wonder what you're up to certainly won't hurt anything <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Okay well it's almost 3am, I went to sleep @ 10:30, but woke up at 1am....so I think I should at least try to go back to sleep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh....btw, I think it's wonderful that her Mother and Grandmother want you to *stop by*.....did they say that in earshot of WW??? I sure hope so, that can only reinforce that what she is doing is foreign and unacceptable.

Night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> zzzzzzzzzzz

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren-

When her grandma seemed upset I was leaving I made sure my conversation with her was loud enough to be heard. And her mom was standing right next to her when she said that. So yeah, im sure she heard <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope you got some sleep. I ran the entire weekend and was out very late both Fri and Sat. I passed out at 10.30 last night, woke up to SNOW (any down there?).. I hate Mondays!

--

I do have one question about No Contact. Im still waiting for the NC letter which she agreed to before weekend. I know this was probably just to shut me up, but should I continue to push/ask for it?

Contact now seems to be down, maybe it's went back to being covert (i do go by her place every so often, no beast).

Just crossed my mind. Not sure if I should leave it alone or push it.

--

Mr Lockedup, I hope you do receive this message. I am a woman with a good man as yourself. You two seem to really be allot alike. The only things I can say is, be positve, be stronge for the kids, but most of all BE HONEST with your feelings. No matter how hard it is, or crazy it is, BE HONEST. It seems to me that your wife thinks the grass may be greener on the other side. I really thinks she loves you, but just does not realize what she really has. I guarantee you, IF you date other woman. She will act a fool. If she has any feelings for you, other than friendship you will see it. She may want her cake and ice cream. Read her actions other than her words.You will really see the truth. You need to ask yourself......... DO I really want this marriage? If we do reconsile, can I UNCONDITIONALLY forgive her? Can I trust her? UNCONDITIONALLY means not bringing it up when you get mad or the situation at present reminds you of the past. If you can Trust her, forgive then you can love her. If not move on and don't take the baggage with you. Another woman would love to love you. Next go around, with your wife or NEW......... communicate! Always dicuss EVERYTHING! It really does matter and put yourself firsr sometimes.

Sourmilk,

Thanks for your post. Yes, I can say I really want this marriage and I can forgive. I have zero interest in anyone but my wife but I know she would go nuts if i were to start dating. Trust, well. That's something she will have to earn in my opinion. I expect her to feel the same about trusting myself as well. Im working on it.

Everybody,

Today sucked. Typical Monday, I did not do crap for work this weekend so have a lot to catch up on.

WW calls me this AM, she's very pleasant, i'm wondering what she wants. Wanting to know if I checked my email yet. Nope, busy. Checked, she needs money for a bill due the 1st (any guesses why she seemed nice). I just gave her a good deal of my check Friday, so there is not much i can do. I have bills of my own and rent too. I ended up telling her I would love to be able to help her out with bills, etc, its just really hard for me to do it while we both maintain separate homes. She did not ask anymore after that. Financial support was one of her bigger needs. Anyway..

I quit work after 5.30 or so and ran outside to talk with some neighbors. Ds12 called my cell wanting me to come over and fix something for him and his brother. Told him I would be over shortly. I got there and looked over the situation and there was not much I could do, needed some supplies and tools that I did not have with me. WW was in kitchen doing dishes and having the typical attitude/mean sounding comments/remarks I am becoming accustomed to.

A friend keeps texting me while im standing there. She gets upset at me, 'you don't talk to me that much'.. hmm.. Sure i do talk to her that much, more, be nice and you would be surprised... asking her why she seems so upset she responds 'you hate me'. (guilt!!!) no, i don't hate you not in the least. I shut off my cell and finished discussing me coming back and fixing the kids stuff and was getting ready to leave and she asked me to stay for dinner. I accepted. More plan-a time.

I helped with dinner.. We had nice sit down dinner (been awhile since we all had dinner together). Me and boys had some nice talking (nascar, baseball, etc), WW had an attack (breathing) and was not feeling well. I ended up doing all the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen (something I have always done but stopped for a very long time) and watched some tv with WW and kids before coming home.

--

I just did a few side jobs and got paid for them so have a few extra bucks. Wednesday I have boys from 5 till 9 or so in the evening. We normally hang here at home and order pizza or something.

I decided that maybe we will go out to Daemons, Wednesday half off kids meals and I hardly eat a thing anymore (lost almost 50 pounds since November over this crap). I invited WW to join us.

I knew she would turn down the offer, she has every other offer. I wont let that stop me from asking. She said she felt awkward having dinner with me there last night. And that she does not want take time away from me and my boys (by going to dinner with US). Wow, i think the boys would love it to have their family, out, together.. having a nice dinner or doing anything else VS what we have now.

I could always take that extra dinner money use for flowers as caren suggested.

Just wanted to rant a sec.

--

WW sends out jokes every day as she gets em from friends, etc.. in email. I have not exposed to a few people yet and found a few more targets in her email (one being a close friend). I exposed to her this morning.

Didnt even take 2 hours and WW had me on phone chewing my head off. How im making her hate me, after Monday this is the thanks she gets. She said she thought we were trying to make things right having dinner together, in same sentance she said she was doing it for the boys. Ok. I hear ya.

Should I not of exposed more at this point? I have a few more targets I could go after.

--

MrLU...

I just read this last post--have to catch myself up on your previous one...but I wanted to point you to AdrianC's thread "Last Warning" where dewt gives him some great exposure advice regarding exactly your WW's penchant for mass emails.

What he did, well, he says and you can view the results. Your choice. Personally, I loved it.

Now, how do you respond to a chewing?

LA

Pushing for no contact...or not to push. I'm not the one to answer due to my experience. I pushed and still didn't get one. However...

Couple of things...it would not go against Plan A to have written slip on the finances so she can see her possible future; what (now I forget) was posted on your thread...that marvelous article on divorce as an undiagnosed illness in America? Wow...I'm too tired, but on page 18...says divorce does put women and children into at or near poverty levels. Understandable. Part of the choices you make. I have a feeling that's why seperations come up mostly over infidelity...the idea of replacing your partner includes the fantasy of not losing what you got.

Or having to make do.

What I don't want to see is the criss-crossover of meeting her ENs in Plan A and the detriment of meeting the FS EN in an A. I see it as the one EN, the most obvious one, that shows a WS what not having you in their lives would mean...a small reality breaker to the fog. So you're handling this well. I would just like to see clear cut stuff for bills, what has to go (cable, movies, whatever) and the actuality of seperate budgets--because she's doubling your living expenses with the A.

That's my opinion. Not cutting off--always from your code (which you're awesome at now)...but do not get in the way of the consequences thinking it is part of Plan A.

I love you guys getting that family dinner...and yes, the family dinner out would have rocked. Especially since that was with your money, not hers. Seperate accounts, your part, her part...all that stuff. Now that's Plan A with FS!! (Taste of FS)

Also, this friend who keeps texting...same one you took to BBall game that time?

You know me...I'll throw punches all over until I finally connect with something...hopefully, I'm flailing with nothing, like your WW. I think your wife wants to make a comeback, MrLU. Keep it up. NC ltr...lovingly mention, your "I" statements, but not demands...often, and maybe think up ways of putting it as a done deal...

"I'm already feeling relief from my pain with your NC ltr. Thank you! Whew!" "I look forward to that peace of mind with the NC ltr, for the boys, also. Really enjoyed dinner with us all together last week."

Flowers are good...but I'd want a mushy note with 'em...hint hint. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

Thanks LA I will look over that thread. I seen it but have not fully read the thing yet.

On finances... they are totally seperated now, my money, hers, my bills, hers. We have seperate checking accounts. I pay her the support we agreed upon and if i can help with more I do. In the beginning of all of this she would refuse financial help beyond support... she does not seem to mind so much now.

What do you mean by "FS"? I know it means faithful spouse but it seems you are using it differently.

The texting was actually two people, my sister and a male friend. I was supposed to meet them for dinner. Can you guess why they were texting the crap outta me. Priorities.

She sent me a list of 'i need help with' items, all money. I sent her my own list, had nothing to do with money, things I needed help with too. I couldnt help myself. LA you probably know exactly what was on my list.

Mushy, im not so hot at. Trying. Was going to send flowers in AM tomorrow.


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FS as an EN...Financial Security. I can be dyslexic on it, but it's like SF to some women...was to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Fear-based, I was...so emphasis on the S...

You couldn't help yourself with your list...Probably was a lovely list. You're running your show, MrLU...no problem with it here.

I do mushy. I am fluent in it. I could be your translator.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's a learned skill. First step is to take that I-just-smelled-limburger look off your face when you say "mushy."

Hey, I did all my Honeymooners in rerun heaven...my fav was Lucy and Gilligan, too. Just that one classic phrase, "To the moon, Alice!" really encapsulates frustration for me...and all it's parts...

Don't let her know it was your sister and male friend. You can hold to your code...she just doesn't need that comfort from you. I'm with Orchid on that.

Keep her steady as she blows, er, goes, Gilligan.

LA