{{{{{{MrLU}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry for your pain. The emails, contact, and truth that you've discovered. You already owned your part in the self-inflicting wounds.

I was the same.

It was me riveted, gaping at the car wreck of my life. I couldn't get enough. You're not alone.

Please hold to your solid reasoning...they all say that crap within days. That is the most obvious drug factor involved. Heroin gets you hooked fast and hard...love doesn't. Love includes reality. A's don't.

It is infatuation.

Now...remind me why you didn't file first? Why you aren't counter filing right now? Do it yourself...you need custody. You had her believing she had to choose him or her kids. What happened to that?

I am confused.

Plan B works best when you are right there and unaccessible. She is violating your boundaries--no APs around your children. Period. Have your partner pay for your attorney. You've earned that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Do what it takes because OM is poison to your children...you know what having an AP live with them means? They will grow up believing they can be replaced like underwear...that they are disposable unless they are perfect...that is what your wife is teaching her sons.

Please take action, not from revenge, but that valiant kind you're so good at. She's on drugs, you're not.

Big hugs and prayers and KNOW that you're are where so many have been and will be...you can do this.

{{{{{}}}}

LA

P.S. Talk to your son's counselor about the effects the OM living and assuming your role without authority over your son is affecting him and your other son. Get it in writing.

What is AP LA?

LA,

This whole thing is wreaking me financially. I was ok with money up till a month or so ago and business slowed. Now, im digging through the couch for loose change.

I did not file because i do not have the money. I have not received any paperwork so I do not even know if i can counter-file untill I do. I just have emails and her confirming she signed D papers the other day. OM is paying for her attorney, I was i was fortunite enough for him to pay for mine too.

Partner, help with lawyer. Getting my wife back would be easier.

I will call the counsoler today.

Thanks

I think it’s time I say my peace on your thread. I, for one, am glad that you read your WW’s emails, for now you know what you are really dealing with. If you are ready to MAN UP, I suggest you start playing hardball for the sake of your your children, your sanity, and possibly your M. I recommend the following actions in the order listed below.

1. Save all those e-mails and keep them somewhere safe. You may need them later for court.

a. Do not tell WW that you have access to her e-mail. You want to keep your access to information intact.

2. Go to a lawyer TODAY and ask him to file for FULL CUSTODY of your children in the next 24 hours. It is imperative that you get to court before she does. Whoever goes there first has a slight advantage over the other. Be sure to use it.

3. Ask the lawyer to file a restraining order against OM so he does not have any contact with your children. You may not win this, but it will raise the stakes for their relationship and let them know that you are serious about protecting your children. Do it regardless of your chances of success and irrespective of what your lawyer says. You will either get it, in which case your children will be somewhat protected, or you won’t, in which case you would send a loud and clear message that this “butthole”, as OM described you, will not put up with crap.

4. After your visit to your lawyer, go and write a Plan B letter. After your lawyer has filed and you have set up a set custody arrangement with WW, give her the Plan B letter.

a. Note that at this point, you no longer tell WW your plans or negotiate with her about anything. It is clear that as of now she does not give a damn about you and has been playing you for a fool. Thus, you need to do what you need to do without bargaining with her on anything. From this point on, unless she is ready to meet the terms of your Plan B letter, you have nothing to discuss with her. She can contact your lawyer if she has any questions about the custody and divorce proceedings.

b. Your Plan B letter should include at least the following conditions
(1) No Contact for Life
(2) IC and MC
(3) Willingness to be an open book
(4) Full STD tests. (Be sure to do this!)

5. Read Gramm’s thread and see if you can find the link that Mortarman gave him on how a man can go about to get custody of his children. This information may be very useful to you in the not so distant future.

These should do for now. You have a lot on your plate and it is time to step up to the challenge…for your children, yourself and possibly your M.

Best.

P.s. I know you are currently having financial difficulties. But you must find a way to protect yourself legally with this. I assure you if you don't, it will be much more costly to you than if you did.

UVA,

Thank you for your response. I have a 5pm appointment with my lawyer to discuss my options, temp custody, restraining order, etc.

Money, no idea what im going to do. I have a boat i can sell or put up, 18k bass boat, and a few friends.. but thats about it.

I will post back when i return from lawyers, this is one of my few outlets for this crap.

--

UVA!!! Thank you so much...I think it is a downright LB for you to withhold...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

MrLU...don't let money stop you.

You have family, relatives, friends, a bank, credit cards (you could get them quick)...don't let money stop you. Heck, you could trade in kind even...get creative. Lawyers need solid help with their networks or pc's...your life is worth this...I realized that a little late myself.

AP = Affair Partner (not Advanced Placement...though, if you think about it...nevermind)

Listen to UVA. Heck, you could stand in front of the lawyer who might turn you down with a sign and cup for donations...I'm serious about what you're willing to do, ask for, be granted...you're not locked up anymore. Be crazy and proud you're free to choose to be crazy.

UVA said RO, which is exactly what you need from a Judge. I got an RO once...menacing by a neighbor...didn't have to file anything. Maybe you could do this also, after asking a lawyer?

...I don't know the terms and was thinking injunction...I would love it if a judge could issue a No Contact Injunction to stop an affair, wouldn't you?

:::::

My inner child is having a wishful day, can you tell?

Will look for your post back tonight. Hang in, on and or out--just don't get arrested for it, 'k?

LA

I think, for the first time in a very long time... i am starting to really dislike this woman. near hate.

My attorney wanted me to get all our info, her info, boys info. She gave me a really hard time about it wanting to know why. SHe offered to drop this stuff several times if i just go forward with the disolution and not fight her. I told her no, i am definitly consulting an attorney over this matter.

On financial front. I made a deal to help me fund this project.

--

Takes a lot to get you to hate...which isn't the end of love, btw. I think it is your dusty self-worth, shaking itself off and standing up. The belief behind the hate. The hate is your inner child just sick to death of being lied to, told his reality isn't real, and other kids not being responsible for their own darn actions.

I'm in a mood, can you tell?

Is it 5pm yet?

I knew you could make a deal. Rely on more people...do you know why I give my grown son money for gas or shop to buy him food? Not because I believe he's incapable, but with him out of the home, well, I don't have any other act of love and I really miss that. You can take money from loved ones...you might be giving them the opening they've longed for to get to act their love.

Never know, huh?

When your WW wants to know your truth (why you need info), have a mantra, "I am committed to saving my marriage and protecting our children from your continuing adultery." What else can you say? No explanations...do not inform her of your whys or hows.

LA

MrLocked-

I'm so sorry that I didn't sign on before now.

I'm glad you got access to her e-mails....yes it was painful, but you needed that information. I agree DON'T TELL her about it. Print off the e-mails and put them someplace safe.

I hear that you are almost to the point of hating her.....you're going into the red in your love bank, time to Plan B her and do it FAST!!!!

File for that divorce, get temporary custody of those kids. And Plan B her.....oddly enough, it is a good thing that they can give each other undivided attention.....because that, my friend, is where it's going to begin to unravel. You see he's all mushy and loves her and can't live without her, because he gets only the good stuff. She's giving him the best of her, but when they can be together on a day to day basis......he's going to get the whole nine yards....and trust me, he's gonna fall out of love REAL FAST.

She's going to be conflicted....still have feelings for you.....unsure she's doing the right thing. OM isn't going to take to kindly to that.

I'm so sorry you're hurting. You've done a good plan A....now it's time for Plan B.....and guess what....she'll go into withdrawls from YOU!!!! OM is going to hate that....he doesn't want to fulfill all her EN's ..... he just wants the FUN ones.

You can do this hon, we're here. Stay put. Don't move. Another poster said it works better when you're right there...but unaccessable.....EXACTLY right....you are just out of reach <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

MrLocked-

Hon....how you doing??????

Update us please, I'm worried about you.

God Bless,

-Caren

Hey Caren,

Doing OK. Very long busy severy days, a TON has happened... But been very busy had not had time to type it up. But will.

Just wanted to check in.

Thanks for asking

--

MrLocked-

Okay hon, I'll be anxiously awaiting an update.

I know there are times I get too busy to post also.

Just wanted to let you know that I am concerned about you and am still here to help if I can.

God Bless,

-Caren

Happy St. Patricks Day!!!! Now post an update before I hunt you down and kill you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope you're doing well hon.

God Bless,

-Caren

ROFL...Caren is too funny.

Happy Pat's Day right back atcha, Caren.

You rock.

LA

Ha! Hunt me down I dare ya!

I will try and post late this evening. Weekend with boys, when they get to bed im gonna fire up the old laptop and grab a seat in the recliner and type a bit.

Busy with work, and personal crap.

--

Good to know, MrLU...you were SO close to being shaleighlied...not that I know how to spell that...but Caren can use one on you, I'm sure.

LA

MrLocked.......have you been sleeping in your recliner with your lap top for 3 days?? Your muscles are going to start to atrophy here before too long................


God Bless,

-Caren

***And don't think I couldn't hunt you down if I wanted too....LOL!!

Ok, an update.. Seeing that I have not posted in awhile there has been tons going on. Weekend before last alone would take several posts.

The short of the legal crap.... My attorney pretty much told me there was not a thing I could do about the OM around my children and that chances of me getting custody of my children will be very hard unless I can prove abuse, which I can not. WW is a good mother, most of the time. Due to my work, certain tax issues, and other financial issues my attorney recommended I try and get WW to go back to filing for a dissolution and drop the divorce and fighting. This could destroy my business, I am already hurting financially because of this and my home is about to be foreclosed on.

The first few days after snooping on her email was not very pleasant for me... but that weekend, and i do not know why, a lot of what I know/found out did not seem to bother me as much. I have not been walking around constantly thinking or wondering anymore. I don't know if its the Ad's, or just knowing the truth that settled me down. Yeah I still have a few moments now and then but the last week plus has been really good for me mentally.

That weekend was my time without the kids. I spent most of it running around and went out that Friday and Saturday. I had a really good weekend for a change, it was fun and had lots of laughs. I did not do anything I shouldn't be doing... but come Monday the WW sure thought so. One of the folks I went out with works with her and was talking about time spent with me. Yes, a SHE.

Oh man, WW went ape sh|t over this. She was throwing a major fit because one of the persons I went out with was someone that worked in the same building as her. Some of these people are my friends too, i did not feel I was doing anything wrong, so never thought anything about it. This was a week ago today (Monday)...

She spent most of that Monday crying and upset over my activities. She spent a good deal of time in thought and in accusing me of certain things. CACA. She thought i was 'dating' someone. Whatever. It has been the center of her focus for days.

Starting last Tuesday she has somewhat been chasing after me. SF, calling, invites to do things, come over.. etc etc etc. Basically trying to keep tabs on my every activity, who i talk with, what i do, who i do it with, etc etc. I cant even touch my cell without a 'who is texting you', 'who is calling you', etc etc.. Wow.. Its been nuts. Im not really certain on how much she is still involved with OM, still no no-contact letter.. but the time she spends keeping after me, there really has not been much time left for anything else.

So no, I have not went plan-b yet. I guess I am more confused with how she is acting now and how im feeling about everything. I still get some babble from her but she sure is trying to convince me that she is 'trying to show me she cares', 'she loves me', etc..... I did not do any of this to try and get a reaction out of her... i was just trying to somewhat get a little peace of my life back and have some fun for a change.

--

Naah, havent slept in recliner since weekend before last <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And HA! Hunt me down....I dont doubt for a second you could do it!

--

Interesting. It sounds like you doing some things for yourself is starting to bother her. But be sure not to get involved with another woman.