My wife and I have been married for just over a year. It has been tough, we are both finishing school and are still young. We have been together for about 4 years. She gets very angry easily. Earlier today she needed me to take some pictures of her for her graphic design class, she had to put her piture into another picture with someone famous. I helped and took some pictures. She put them on her computer and there was a window in the background that put some bad light in the picture. She started to get angry and stormed off. Then she started slamming dishes down in the sink, and I told her to take it easy and stop throwing stuff. Excuse my language but she then said, ****** you. This is not the first time she had said this to me. She doesnt mumble it she says it very loud and angrily. I went up to her, grabbed her shoulders and said "you do not talk to me like that" I raised my voice a little but otherwise there is no way to get anything across to her. She pushed my arms off and said she can do whatever she wants or something like that. She then left, slammed the door and spun her tires when leaving. Its been about an hour since she left and I dont know what to do. She will come back but I dont know if I am any way in the wrong or if she is just that out of control. I need someone elses point of view and what to do. I would like for her to see what other peoples thoughts are on this. I really need someone to talk to but dont feel comfortable talking to my parents because they get along so good with her. Please help and tell me what I should do, I always feel so hurt by the way she treats me. The past couple weeks have been so great. We've been doing a lot of stuff together and have been having a fun together such as snowmobiling. Sorry Ive been rambling on but I'm confused.

I had a serious relationship once with someone who did the same type of things. He had anger issues, which I realized after time, had nothing to do with me.

What you need to realize is that your wife is not in control of her feelings during her outbursts. She has a lot of anger inside. She may not even know why she is so angry herself. She may need counselling to determine the reason. As for yourself, try not to take it personally. When she gets snappy with you, just walk away. It is better if she takes her anger out on things rather than on people. You may not realize this right now, but over time, this type of treatment is really going to destroy your trust in her. Because you will be taking it personally, as an attack on you. Don't let this happen. When she comes back home tonight, don't seek her out to ask if she's okay. Wait until she comes to you, at which point she will probably apologize. When she does apologize, tell her that you are concerned for her well-being and that you are being hurt whenever she snaps at you. At this point, you might want to suggest couples therapy. This would be your chance to get her to seek counselling, with your support. The therapist will then determine that she has anger issues and want to deal with them.

All my best.

She does often say that I'm the only one there so she takes it out on me, and doesnt mean to. But its hard to sit there and have your spouse talk to you like that. Another thing that really bothers me is that she usually wont apologize. Whenever she starts acting that way I tell her to relax, take it easy, its not that big of a deal or whatever. Another thing I'm afraid of is that she will hurt herself, taking off in her car in a rage could be bad. Thanks for the help, it is good to here that she doesnt mean to take it out on me, she tells me that when shes calm, and that she doesnt mean to hurt me. But I have a hard time being the one it gets taken out on.

I have had a lot of anger issues over the years and just recently have been able to start learning how to control them. For me I didn’t really cuss or scream, but I did have more of a physical response by hitting things, breaking things or driving fast. Obviously I was upset about something, but usually it was something very minor. Like I was simply frustrated with a task or couldn’t express myself to my spouse like I wanted to in my mind. I let the feeling build up inside and worked myself into a rage. My wife not so affectionately called it “the Hulk”.

In your case she may be under a lot of pressure at school and with this project. She has let frustration, feeling of doubt and fatigue build up and you just happen to be the person that innocently pushes her over the edge. Based on your description you did nothing wrong and it sounds like she overreacted. If you can, try and talk to her about why she is angry. I always knew why I was angry and acting that way, but I lacked the ability to control my impulses. Try to help her identify the particular feeling or situation that causes her to have these outbursts. Then with time she can learn to control the anger until it has passed or the situation is worked out. It isn’t hard, but you have to force yourself not to give into the anger. That sounds very much like Star Wars and the dark side, but it worked for me. 

Good Luck,

The Hulk 

Wow, just reading your story reminds me of myself. I am the wife who burts out angry things at her husband and runs off whenever I can't handle my anger. Reading it from your perspective I feel awful for my cruelty to him. I too have been accused of rarely apologizing and I find myself justifying my anger with things like "he pushed my buttons" or "he shouldn't have said that to me, its his fault I flew off the handle". How awful when I write it out. I sound like I am not taking responsibility for my anger and dealing with it instead of letting it burst out on the very man I love with all my heart. I hope you work things out with your wife.

PS> My husband and I LOVE snowmobiling together!!!