I got another couple of bizarre e-mails from my STBX.

She again says she is going to get me fired. And of course I will be hearing from her attny.

The second one is actually several reply's. Essentially I asked her what has she done in the past 3 weeks since she asked me to come home? It has been a year and she has done nothing I had asked.
She continued contact repeatedly with OM.
She lied repeatedly.
Quit counseling.
Refused to change her phone # for 9 mnths.
Created several secret emails.
Heavily LB'd
CHanged her mind daily about reconciling.
Whenever the divorce was near she said she would really do something.

All she does is promise, but actually does nothing. But I asked her what she had done in the past three weeks, besides cost me about $5500 in attny bills and threaten to try to get me fire several times. Oh yeah, and say it was my fault she was unfaithful.

She answered, with ...

Three weeks ago she loves me and wants me to come home, a week later she wants to get me fired from my job and blames me for her affair.
She has GIVEN ME till the end of the week to ask her to come back to me.

Tell me honestly ... what do you think?


Tell me honestly ... how do you think a WW would act if she wanted to save her marriage?

Does she think that threatening my job and costing me money and basically having her moods change daily makes her attractive to me, or deposits units in my Love Bank.

I'm posting this because she is reading it.

.

wow.

I am an expert at fogese from speaking to the ultimately fogged out xh of mine several times a week.

and I can't get what the woman is saying.

she doesn't know what she wants.

she put a time limit on YOU deciding to take her back?

FOG BABBLE RIGHT BACK TO HER IN A SIMPLE EMAIL THAT SHE CAN RECONSTRUCT IN TEENY LITTLE FOGGY PIECES SO HER WACKED OUT MIND CAN GET IT...

dear wayward wife of Mr. Joad:
I agree with all you said (fog babble back). It is what it is. You helped it become this way. I agree. we need to set a limit. I am in agreement with you on this. Hon, it's great that you are wanting this and I think that a week should be sufficient for YOU to break up with OM and come home. That's my decision. Why do you think I have all the answer? that is all I suppose (using her words right back)to know. If you know the answer, which I just gave you, then do it.

very truly yours,
Mr. Joad.

this email will make her scratch her head. you are agreeing with her...yet you say the opposite. worked great wtih my xh. still does.

Hi Tom,
It's strange to be posting on your thread! As you're well aware, I'm no expert here; however, I do have some WW experience <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> . I was completely insane when the A ended, and nothing I said or did at that time would have surprised me. The only confusing part of your wife's responses is that this didn't happen months or weeks ago for you... it's been so long! There's no way she can think clearly until she has NC and has been away from him through withdrawl (probably the least fun I've had in my recent memory!!). I hesitate to comment or give any advice; I haven't been around here long enough. I'll give my two cents and you can take it with a grain of salt (it won't offend me - you know how well I take advice myself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ). Living like this must be torturing both of you. She either needs to commit to trying to save your marriage, meaning NC and all the other steps many of us are struggling through (that working on your self thing is a real #**$!)or you need to somehow get on with your life. Experienced people here may correct me on this... I just know that I couldn't live the way you are for so long. I can't say how much I admire you for trying as hard as you have and being soooo patient! Whether she knows it or not, she is a lucky woman. Many people never experience love like that in their entire lives. The sick-to-your-stomach, can't sleep, eat, or enjoy life, anxiety-stricken, depressed feeling you get from living through these times can't go on forever. I hope she is willing to commit to giving everything she has to try to save her marriage. I know I was ready for divorce even if I never saw the OM again, and now the sun is beginning to shine again and I'm feeling so hopeful. Good luck!

Thank you NS, but I don't know if I should be admired or thought a fool of. She forced me out of the house 15 months ago to be with her internet OM.

She has committed in words half a dozen times, but never in action.

Tom - I think you answered your own question -

"I walk the recovery path too, ... but I walk alone"

Hi, Tom.

I think my tag lines sum her actions up nicely.

What I would like to hear, is her liturgy of resentment that is fueling her bad behavior.

Maybe she would be willing to post and enlighten.

All the best,
Gimble

I don't think so. Personally, it sounds like she is not ready to give up control of you. She wants you there "just in case". I'm sure she is confused, but right now it is more about controlling you & keeping you on a line for her. Obviously, if she really wanted to reconcile, she would be completely, 100% on board with all your requests. You are not asking for anything extravagant, but just something concrete that shows she is really willing to put this marriage back together, help you recover, forgive & trust again. Without those things, you cannot move forward. So, she knows EXACTLY what she needs to do to repair this marriage because you have given her the road map back to you. It's up to her to follow it.

I certainly hope she chooses the right road, because she is likely going to regret it later when it's too late.

Very simply put TJ, the WS still can't tell which end is up and you expect her to lend you support, care and love?!?!? YIKES!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Nope, best to keep clear from her path of wrath. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

If she asks why don't you come back after she has been sooo generous (most think they are great, generous or good - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ), tell her her mood swings scare you.

BTW, let your management know a WS is on a revenge kick..... so just heads up in case they do get a letter or phone call.

Yea, best to just let her blow off her steam and expose. If you must say something, let her know you know she is babbling.

take care,
L.

Tom:

So, you and your stbxw are still 2th hoping for a better past? (paraphrased and plagiarized from Pep)

"Does she think that threatening my job and costing me money and basically having her moods change daily makes her attractive to me, or deposits units in my Love Bank."

Frankly, why do you care what she thinks? ...which brings up another quote of Pep's: "what you think of me is none of my business." You are DIVORCING. Except for childcare and whatever the courts decide you may or may not have 2 pay in spousal support, you are severing your ties. That means not asking pointless 2uestions like "What have you done lately 2 make me want 2 come home?"

"I'm posting this because she is reading it."

Good. stbx Mrs Joad: Why would you want your stbxh fired if your kids support and potential spousal support depends on his salary? I've heard of dumber things in my time, but I honestly can't remember when.

Post, don't just lurk. I don't cotton 2 manipulative lurkers.

-ol' 2long

unguarded honesty ????

I think she's NUTZ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

she is unbalanced emotionally and is totally unreliable

and it is not right for you to ask her to be fair or reasonable--- I don't think she's capable at this time

will she ever be rational again???

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

stop looking for someone she is not able to be

she resembles a used vehicle right now

as is

no warrenty at all

probability of a future breakdown ~~~> very high

Well as a FWW I agree with almost all of the above Tom

Her behaviour is what you would expect if there was daily or regular contact..

SHE GOES BACK TO DAY ONE EACH & every time.

There is no hope if she has ANY contact with OM - even so called 'harmless' contact.

Perhaps I'm being stupidly optimistic here, but it looks to me like her fog-addled brain is TRYING to open the door to reconciliation. She said she WANTS you home.

She's not willing to give up contact w/ OM. Right now, that's not what she can do. Unless her mood-swings are too dangerous to your sense of self-respect and emotional well-being, if you want to battle back and restore the marriage, then being with her and meeting her ENs even when she's being a royal pain is perhaps the only way.

What do I know... Not too much.

All I would suggest at this point is narrowing down your demands to giving up contact w/ OM and getting back in counseling (preferrably w/ MarriageBuilders). These may be more than she can possibly give you, but having 2 requirements is less daunting than having half a dozen.

This depends on what you want and are willing to go through to get it. It sounds as though you're just about ready to D, and moving back in might necessarily delay a D if that's the way things eventually go.

TJ, my prayers are with you.

Tom ... am I thinking of someone else ~~~> is your WW the one who made false accusations against you???

Not like her.

Since you asked for opinions, I think making any further emotional investment with this person would be dangerous and painful!

TD,

U may want to go and read some of TJ's previous threads. This WS isn't ready to come home. She still wants TJ to jump when she says jump.

It isn't about being sorry, feeling remorse, repentant or anything positive. It is still all about the WS and TJ don't need anymore of that schtick. Right TJ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Sarge, are you thinking of Mr. Sleepless-in-Seattle? Spousal rape allegation, WW works for the U.S. State Dept. in France...

Tom, I wouldn't presume to assess your wife's mental health, but it does seem very difficult for her to resist intentionally trying to hurt you. All WS cause their spouses to suffer and don't appear to care, but the things they do are all incidental to their affairs. Their actions are often shocking, but not often gratuitous.

Your WW goes out of her way to harm you.

I wish she wanted to be better. I wish you would get away from her altogether. I'd like it if you didn't have anything to say about her because you didn't know where she was "AT".

GC

Yeah, I guess so ... but didn't Tom's WW do something really nasty (and false) that nearly got him fired???

memory is going .... pass the ginko ....<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Pep, she did call the HR director where I work. She was keeping a secret "friendship" with a co-worker of mine. He told me about it, but denied any inappropriateness (he was going through a divorce and said he sought help from my Wayward Wife and she was "helping" him) I told him I'd appreciate if he stopped contact with her and also some of my other co-workers here told him that he should stay away from my Wife. I was told she often met him at the house of another co-worker. That co-worker told her not to come there anymore and visit with her "friend" In additon, I was told by another woman that they were definitely more than just friends.

My WW told me it was none of my business what she did with Judd and not to talk to anyone about it. She called HR and complained that I and my friends were harrassing her "friend".

In short, the HR dept. dismissed it. And everyone wondered why this "friendship" was so important to my WW.
She wanted to keep it a secret and by her calling HR and starting an investigation into it now everyone knows about it.

BTW, they continued in secret for awhile until he says he stopped taking her calls. He says she was always pestering him.

Tom,

Ya know, I've had this strong feeling I have seen something like your wstbxw somewhere on MB before. More than one such person, actually, but I was thinking it was recent.

So I looked a bit and I think I found it here:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rch=true#UNREAD

It sure does sound to me like your wstbxw has whatever Lucks' stbxh has.

Especially read, near the middle of the thread, about Asperger's syndrome.

I'd run the other way too.


With prayers,

Yes she does. I have mentioned it to her on more than one occassion. If she is the relatively "nice Mrs. Joad" she will say she doesn't know why she did it, or that she shouldn't have done it. But then the next week or even next day, she will say "and you wonder why I treat you that way" indicating that I somehow deserve her cruel treatment. I just wish it would all stop.

She has still done nothing. I give up. Only words no actions, I don't know who she is anymore.

But I'm not going to worry about it this week. I'm going to a party tonight, and I'm finally going to Gasparilla on Saturday. I live in Tampa and haven't ever been, mainly because I had an anchor who never wanted to do anything.