I have a seriously nagging question. Months ago I had our phone numbers swapped so that OM would not have the house number and would have to struggle to find it. He has never called the house since. I asked my WW never to give him that number because I did not want to have the children exposed to him in any way and that, if they were, she would be on the fast-track out of here. I know she has never given him the number (and she says he HAS asked for it) because, if he had it, he would have called. Why wouldn't he?

Facts: She knows I recorded her calls early on but saw me destroy the recorder. She may think I am still recording her calls but, if so, it is just paranoia. She has no basis for it.

She says that, after I took all her cash away, she has had no ability to call him. I stated the obvious - that wasn't true - she could call him from the house at any time.

She reacts like that is a foreign concept. She can and will call anyone from the house but acts like it is unthinkable to do it. What does this mean? Why does she separate calling from public phones and from the house? Is this just compartmentalization or is there something more. Is it just the allure of the affair - the excitement of secrecy and hiding? It would help me if I understood it better.

(BTW I just changed the PIN code while writing this so now she cannot call. I will tell her the new PIN later but wanted to stop her in case she has a knee-jerk reaction to last night's NC call and wants to tell him she didn't mean it. I want to give her time to cool down, so to speak.)

"She can and will call anyone from the house but acts like it is unthinkable to do it. What does this mean? Why does she separate calling from public phones and from the house?"

Did your wife talk to the OM on the home phone while you were recording calls? If so, she probably still thinks you are recording. If not, perhaps talking to the OM on the home phone "soils" her home, or family, in some way. If the latter, it sounds like a positive sign to me.

Maybe. But I would wager that it is more about coming to grips with "reality"....it bursts the fantasy if she is home....or maybe she is just acting like it is a foreign concept to cover-up her actions.

You mentioned it would help you if you understood it better. Why?

I am a FWS--and half the time I don't completely understand the ridiculous things I did! Don't waste your mental energy trying to make sense of this.

Focus on what you do know and what you can control.

Courage to you.

Keep in mind that you ARE dealing with a person trying to kick a real addiction. It's not all about logic and rational behaviour. I would get another recorder and start recording the call from home again. Don't let her know about it.

You don't begin to regain trust in her by giving up your snooping devices. You begin to trust her when you snoop and see that she is indeed doing what she says.

Some WS's find an alternatate way to reach the OP. Does she have a computer she uses? If so, keep monitoring that with a keylogger to see if she's messaging him or emailing.

Good luck.

I had thought of a new recorder but I don't see the point any more. I know about the A. I have everything I'll ever need for custody if that should come up. I know she still wants to call the OM. What do I gain from recording?

I have gotten to the point where too much information is a bad thing. What she says right now is not real. Anything I could record would have no meaning. Me hearing those conversations only confuses me, makes me angry and tempts me to stray off the path.

Ignorance is bliss. No - I don't want to know what she says. It does more harm than good. If she does break NC from the house, I will know it and that is all I need to know.

Well you are definately different than I am. I get no comfort from being left in the dark, I prefer to know if she's in contact.

I'm confused about what you are saying. You don't want to record her calls, yet you say you will know if she calls him. How?

The only call I was able to record was that of my WW telling the OM that they needed to stop. That gave me a TON of value in terms of peace of mind.

Do what you will, good luck.

My situation is not exactly like this but, to put it in perspective: say you know your WW ias having an affair with OM and you know his phone number(s). If you see she calls him on your cellphone bill, there was contact but you don't know what was said. That is similar to what I am talking about. I can know if and when they talk any time I want. I just don't want to know what was said.

Fortunately I know far more tricks now than they do. I won't mention any people specifically but you all know where I live and the nationals hear live for infidelity and they have it down to a science using all the latest technology. Bet you don't see that on CNN!

I have a plan in place thanks largely to the support from many of you. NC is firmly a part of that plan. If she breaks NC, she knows what the consequences will be. I couldn't care less what they talk about because it will not affect the outcome one way or another. I need to focus on Plan A and dwelling over nonsensical conversations shoves me quickly in the direction of Plan DV bypassing Plan B entirely.

In other words, too much information is not a good thing IMHO.