Geez as I was reading this I thought it was a NO BRAINER.

Maybe that will help her reach bottom a little quicker.

Ritz

Caren,

Maybe your daughter can get tested at school. When my DS was younger, the school psychologist and or social worker tested him for ADHD. I don't know if your school district has these resources but it would be worth a call to the school to ask, wouldn't it?

I've actually been through the ADD thing with my 20 year old....she would have to be seen by our family doctor, and he would give me a form for the teachers to fill out, and they need to see her grade card, and then I would have to take the forms back to the doctor....and that would be if I wanted her to be on ritalin or the like, and I'm not sure I do.

I am going to check into that *Attentive Child* vitamin before I do anything.

As for my sister. You're right, that's probably what I should do.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren, neglect IS abuse.

Amen.

Stealing from them, pawning their things, not providing a sanitary environment - is abuse. 17 years old, wetting the bed? This is the sign of serious emotional trauma. Please get those kids help Caren.

Your sister's home sounds awful. Her husband is equally responsible for the domestic mess, surely?

Caren, you have your hands full at the moment. Take care. TT

I meant physically abuse them. I know it's not right to live the way she does.

As far as the 17 year old wetting the bed, she's 300+ lbs, and the doctor's think that has something to do with the bedwetting....not sure of the logistics of why that would be.

But you're right....I need to do something. I've been having trouble sleeping at night thinking about it. I've talked to my Mom and Dad, but they are on a fixed income and they're both in their 70's with health issues, they're not really in the position to take custody of the kids.

I wish I was in a position to do a little more for them, but I'm not, not financially, and I don't have any room over here.

I have the youngest one, Madison, spend the night just about every weekend....but her kids ALL sorta stink...I mean like make my house smell kinda stink. I know it's not their fault, but it doesn't change the fact.

I give them clothes ALL THE TIME, and their clean when they get them, but they wear 'em (possibly more than once) and then they must get thrown into the giant laundry pile in the basement.

Yeah, I think that my BIL should shoulder some of the responsibility for the condition of the house. I mean he works full time, and my sister is a SAHM (Loose translation since she doesn't actually ever STAY AT HOME). But he makes really good money...I mean if she won't do it, and he won't do it, why couldn't they hire someone? She's not spending any of the household income on drugs, because he won't let her have access to any of the money. He goes to the grocery store with her....etc. etc.

Brooklyn told me tonight (out of the blue). Mom "Madison had to wait 4 1/2 hours for her food" I said "What?" She said "Her Mom left to go get her something to eat and didn't come back for 4 1/2 hours." I said "Dang, she must have been really, really hungry by then...."

One time she paid me $150 to clean her house. They had left for vacation 2 days prior to me going over there, and I went in and the smell about knocked me over, and there was a pizza box on the living room floor that had been there 3 days before when I'd come over to talk to her about cleaning. There was enough dog hair on the kitchen floor to make another dog, and she puts her pans she cooks with on the floor and lets the dogs eat out of them....it's so gross. There was also a bowl with like strawberry shortcake or something overturned on the kitchen floor....I literally had to scrape the counter with a razor blade there was so much gunk on it. She told me not to worry about the bedrooms, and frankly I was afraid to go in them, but I had cleaned the kitchen and the living room and was making my way to the bathroom, and I went in there and there was 2 inches of black water in the sink and the tub......they'd been gone 2 DAYS....so, I couldn't clean the bathroom. When they got home her husband was mad that I hadn't cleaned the bathroom, I said "Ummmmmmm I'm not a plumber..."

I don't know, maybe CPS getting involved might make her straighten up and fly right. In any event I got the phone number for them, so I'll have to call and see what I can do.

*sigh*

God Bless,

-Caren

caren,
I've never posted to you before. But I have kept up w/ your
threads since you moved out last time.
If I'm correct your sister's kids are 17,14,9?
Mabe you and your family could talk to them about helping around the house? It may not be fair to them but any BS
can tell you life is not always fair. No one shuld live like that.

I was thinking the same thing at least teach them to do laundry.

I think it's to the point that they don't even care, they're so used to it, and if your parents are okay with the filth, then you probably are too.

I don't think they even have chores....I personally think they should get rid of the animals...2 dogs and 2 or 3 cats...they can't even clean up after themselves....and the cats must not use the litter box because the house really really smells like cat urine.

The 17 year old is so overweight she can barely walk around, she gets out of breath just walking up steps. It's really sad. And the 14 year old, well I'm not sure what exactly is wrong with her, but she's not right.....she has the mentality of maybe a 8 year old, you can't even talk to her she'll listen to you for a minute then she starts zoning out, and to put the icing on the cake, her Mom was letting her date a 19 year old boy last summer. I really ripped into her about that. She's also killed a few small animals. She squeezed their parakeet to death (She was probably 11 or 12 at that time) and she killed a baby bird in the yard too. I said "Cristi! You need to take her to a psychiatrist or something.....that's not right....I mean serial killers start out by killing animals!!!" The youngest one (the 9 year old) has a problem with lying, she lies about a lot of stuff. She's the one I let come over for the weekends, and I don't worry about her being around Brooklyn or anything, because Brooklyn calls her out on it. She says "Madison, that's not true...you're not supposed to lie..."

It's so messed up. They've ALL got problems. Their paternal Grandma has been trying to get my sister and her son to let the 2 youngest ones come and live with her....but they won't do it. But they do spend almost the entire summer with her. But there again, it's not fair because she doesn't want to take the 17 year old, she's not her biological grandchild, so she kinda leaves her out. Misty's (17 year old) Dad isn't really in the picture, she sees him maybe 2 or 3 times a year, he's married and has several other kids, and I don't think Misty would be happy there.

Ugh, I came home sick from work, I think I have the stomach flu. I'm FREEZING!!! I have on 2 sweatshirts and I'm still cold.

I'm gonna go try to lay down for a while.

God Bless,

-Caren

P.S. Brooklyn talked to her Dad last night, and I guess he is planning on having her for the weekend.

This family's situation sounds like a train wreck, Caren.

How do you think you could help?

GC

Oh gosh, Caren, your family is as dysfunctional as mine. I could go on and on about it, but needless to say I'm the ONLY one in the whole family without a drug or alcohol problem.

I say have a friend of yours call CPS. Do you know anyone that would be willing to do that?

The stories of the stealing and such- I've been there or at least seen my mom go through that with my brother. She was ill with emphysema and on oxygen 24/7 and he'd wake her up in the middle of the night and be like, "Give me $300.00 or the drug dealer is going to burn down the house" It's awful. I'm so sorry.

It's time for TOUGH love. Call CPS. I blame her husband for about 3/4 of this, except the drug use. He could clean up and help those kids, he should be ashamed.

GC-

Heck I don't know what to do. Her husband has always been strange, but the older he gets the weirder he gets.

None of us have talked to him since she's gone to rehab 2 times......and she's still running around all day, but she's telling him she's going to meetings, so I guess he chooses not to see what's really going on.

My sister has my Mom believing that her husband is evil....and Mom doesn't like him anyway, so my Mom blames him for her drug use, because he's so evil and controlling.

He's evil because he won't give her any money. (He has been controlling the money for several years now because she spent 3 house payments on drugs and they almost lost the house)

I don't like the man, I think he's strange, but I'm not particularly fond of my sister these days either.

She called me yesterday morning....I assume to borrow money, and I was at home, and she tried to call like 3 times, and I didn't answer, and I finally answered the last time and she said "Oh....I didn't want anything". So you're calling the crap out of me, but you didn't actually want anything?!?!?

I'm still debating on calling CPS, I talked to my DD20 about it and she doesn't think I should. She says the oldest, Misty, says "It's better than being somewhere else" (She talks to her a lot)

UGH!!! I had a dream this morning, right before the alarm went off that I walked into Mark's work and he and his co-worker and OW were sitting around a desk towards the back of the store and he didn't know I'd come in and was just talking away. I walked up and he said "Oh hi honey" he was in a rolling chair and I shoved the chair with my foot and told him I wanted to talk to him. Then for some reason I didn't talk to him....the next thing I'm talking to OW on the phone and she's telling me they never stopped seeing each other, and they've been getting along fine. But then she said "I'm going to call Jamie" I said "Who's Jamie?" She said "Oh it's my friend, she'll help me break up with him."

I woke up so Pizzed off. I know it's just a dream, and I have a feeling it has something to do with watching the stupid Dr.Phil show yesterday.....I had triggers going off like crazy watching that. And I have NEVER dreamed about this.......Not during the entire 16 months I've been going through this crapola.

I remember thinking while I was talking to her that I was going to file on him.

Brooklyn is also going over to her Dad's for the first weekend this weekend. When we were separated before he'd only take her for 1 evening every other weekend, now his plan is to take her for the entire weekend. Brooklyn is already saying "Mommy.....do I have to stay the WHOLE weekend?" I think the answer to that question is yes. I think she's probably going to be bored out of her mind, and complain and possibly call me and try to have me come and get her. But I'm the one who has put up with her crying and her stomach aches......it's his turn.

I think it would be good for him to see how much she misses her Mommy......see what our family being separated is like for her.

I'm going to miss her terribly, and I don't know......if she calls me to come get her....should I?

*Sigh* I'm so tired of all this B.S., I just want my family back!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren -

Hi - sorry things are stressed for you lately....doesn't sound like a good sitch at all with your sis. Those kids need to be able to function in life. At this rate, they won't ever be able to take care of themselves.

Hope you are feeling better. Things will get better, one way or the other!

Take Care!

Kim

Kim-

I was just reading your plan B post about more letters from your WH....I think that's hilarious.

I wondered if I shouldn't send a note with Brooklyn when she goes to her Dad's this weekend regarding the fact that he either needs to start paying me child support, or I am going to go to the Child Support Enforcement Agency (Which means he'll have to pay for DNA testing of our daughter because we weren't married when she was born).

What do you think? I could seriously use the money, but it does take like 8 months to get child support in that fashion, but I can't really afford a lawyer at this stage of the game.

God Bless,

-Caren

He should already be paying you CS.
It dose not look good that he has not already offered.
Plan B is all about showing him what D would be like ,and him paying $ is a big part of that.

I remember last time you moved out you were in big trouble w/
your finances? You are doing sooo much better now it seems like you really have your life together.

I think you should send a letter w/ your DD short and to the point. Seal it in a envelope tho so that DD can not read it. I know you do not want her to be in the middle of this mess.
Ask that he respond in the same way and not go through your DD. This is adult business and not some thing a child should be stressing about.

monny
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Agreed Monny, that's what I'll do.

Okay, now I'm all freaked out about the wording (thanks Pep..LMAO!!!).

Mark-

I am going to need to see something from you in the way of child support for Brooklyn. I would need at least $50.00 per week, which is approximately $100.00 less than you'd actually be paying if I went to the Child Support Enforcement Bureau.

I have spoken to the Child Support office and they informed me that since we were not married when Brooklyn was born that there would have to be a DNA test, which I can only assume would be our financial responsibility.

-Caren

God Bless,

-Caren

Pep...anyone?????? Is my note okay?

-Caren

Caren -

I definitely agree that you need to send a note about $$ for Brooklyn if he is not giving you any voluntarily. I don't think I would bring up that you have spoken with Child Support.....Just me. I would just keep it short - tell him how much you expect from him per week. No long explanation. Short & to the point. IF he doesn't give you anything, then I might go that next step & let him know you have talked to the agency.

Kim

Thank you Kim.

So how about this:

Mark-

We need to reach an agreement on weekly child support for Brooklyn. I think that $50.00 per week would be reasonable.

Thank You,

-Caren

I say $50.00 because he would have to pay somewhere in the neighborhood of 70-75 if I go through the Child Support Enforcement Bureau.

God Bless,

-Caren