((((caren))))

Kids need parental guidance. The parent has to be the one to make the rule and stick to it and protect the kids. That does not mean avoiding trouble in life, but helping them deal with those troubles and become confident in their own decision making. DO NOT beat yourself up for moving the girls from an emotionally unhealthy environment. Call your pediatrician and get a reccomedation for a counselor. For Brooklyn and Lauren to talk to alone and with you. After a few visits when the girls feel more safe...consider allow Mark to have sessions with the girls. Do not put them in the middle. You need to stand up and be the MOM...you are brave, you are strong, you are loving and you are dependable. You can do this.

Caren,

I am in agreement with those that think this family meeting involving your WH is a bad idea.

You plan b will restart, and you'll be back at the beginning again. Your WH will once again see that he can penetrate your defenses, giving him satisfaction and no reason to agree to your plan b terms. Brooklyn will get false hopes that things are getting better, only to see them return to the current situation. She wants to see you guys together, not meeting once and then back to the same old mess.

He may have been a good man, and that good man may still be lost in there somewhere. But the man he is right now has used your daughter to get to you. He has deliberately abused her emotions with his mindgames aimed at you. This is not a rational man when he's doing this.

Caren ~ you are your marriage's worst enemy.

This will not help your daughter. It will hurt her more.

This will not help your marriage. It will hurt it more.

What exactly do you hope to do here?

This is you engaging in manipulation and control dance with your husband, and this is why you have not made it further into recovery.

DON'T DO IT CAREN! You know it is a bad idea. You knew it even before everyone here told you. Don't do it, it's not good for you, your marriage [color:"red"]OR [/color] DD.

Good luck to you, HANG IN THERE!

Hello all. I hear you.

The teacher sent home all the missing assignments (Except math, that's a different teacher and I'm contacting her tommorrow). I sat down with her and we did tonight's homework and 1 of the 3 packets of missing work that were sent home.

I decided against the Mark discussion and just did the work with her. You're right, it probably would've gotten me exactly no where.

I get really distraught.....maybe you've noticed.

At this juncture, I have no insurance, so I can't take her to a counselor. I would really love to, but I just can't do it right now.

Lauren has been talking to the youth minister at church about things and that seems to be helping a little.

I think I'm going to approach the minister about counseling for me in the near future. I also want to look into Bible study.....or, I think there's a meeting once a week for the "A Purpose Driven Life" book.

Thank's for all your help/support.

Crisis Averted.

God Bless,

-Caren

P.S. OH.....by the way, sorry I didn't post anything else earlier....I've just been so depressed. I just let Lauren get on the computer and didn't think about getting back on until a little while ago. Sorry, didn't mean to leave you hanging.

sounds like you did good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Confused-

It seems like I have to monitor my diet closely on this forum so I can tell if I need more fiber....in the form of 2x4's LOL

Yeah, I'm okay......you guys just have to talk me off the ledge every couple days <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren, wasn't it you who started the gym last Sunday?? If so, how did that go?

Jennifer....well that was me that was SUPPOSED to start at the gym last Sunday, but my friend ended up being otherwise engaged, so I didn't end up going.

I just weighed myself tonight, I am down to 115 pounds and I'm 5'6 1/2" tall. (I'm not TRYING to lose weight, by the way) I'm actually already pretty toned due to the line of work I'm in, but I was gonna go for ripped abs....they're not too shabby now, but I was thinking maybe abs like those bowflex commercials...lol.

So, is working out going to make me lose more weight?? I am in danger of disappearing completely if that happened. Does it make you gain weight because you have more muscle mass??

By the way....I don't look sickly, and I'm not anorexic or anything, I do eat, I swear to you....but the infidelity diet that I was on a year ago made me lose like 25 lbs. Now I've lost 30 lbs....eeek.

God Bless,

-Caren

You know, I lost 165 pounds in ONE day, and his name was B****!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Talk about a "crash" diet, but hey, the weight stayed off!! (That part of the weight! It was only dead weight, anyway!)

You know, I go to the gym, but I'm going to lose weight. I do the treadmill for cardio, and the weights for toning. However, I don't lift too much weight, because I don't want to get bigger!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

You seem pretty fit. I have a ways to go before I have to worry about the ripping my abs!

Yeah, the infidelity diet really BITES! Unfortunately, I "bounced" back!! So I obviously didn't maintain the one positive part of that diet! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Well, hang in there! And DON'T blow away in the wind! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jen-

LMAO!!!!!!!!!! Oh sheesh, that was great!!! I needed that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As for


LOL!!! I'll try, I'll hang onto a tree or something.

God Bless,

-Caren

Okay....so I guess I should attempt this whole sleep thing again tonight, although I've heard that it's highly over-rated <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Night All <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,


-Caren

Give generously, for your gifts will return to you later...It is a wonderful thing to be alive! If a person lives to be very old, let him rejoice in every day of life, but let him also remember that eternity is far longer and that everything down here is futile in comparison.

Ecclesiastes 11:1, 7-8 TLB

Caren - the worst moments in my separation were when my girls broke down over things. All three went to pieces when my WH moved out into a serviced apartment under the guise of 'midlife crisis'. At that time, we never knew about the A. What an awful night. We all slept in one bed and cuddled but just typing this reminds me of how sad we were that night. Later my youngest twin had an absolute meltdown when she discovered (by listening in on the phone extension) that WH was having an A. All I could do was to hold her and let her cry her heart out. When the other twin discovered the A, I had to drive her to hospital. She's asthmatic and the panic attack that ensued had all the symptons of an asthma attack. WH still doesn't know about any of this. One day, perhaps, but really it wouldn't have served any purpose. He was so up his own a*se at the time that nobody else mattered.

Although Mark spoke badly to Brooklyn last week, I think they have a good relationship. My girls don't call their dad unless they have to. It's his fault because his guilt makes it easier to pretend they don't exist. He interacts with them every second weekend but it's hardly a healthy relationship. So long as Brooklyn is not acting as a gobetween, I would encourage the communication to remain as open as possible between her and her dad.

Do you regret moving out or are you confident you did what was right for you and the girls at the time?

Sorry I was tough on you today...

I can understand how hard it is to see your baby hurting...

Hang in there...

TT-

Thank you for your story. I appreciate it a lot.

Yes, Brooklyn and Mark are extremely close, she needs him a lot. Talking on the phone with him just isn't the same.

I purposely fostered the relationship between them, because he doesn't have much of a relationship with his other children. I have done things ever since she was a baby to make their relationship close and special, and he loves her with all his heart.

Do I regret moving out.....yes and no. I don't think that it would have done me any good to stay there, I think he would have stayed stand offish and never realized that he does actually love me. I think another affair would have eventually happened. So I'm glad I moved out, but I regret it a little as he made the comment to me that he was BEGINNING to get his feelings for me back (althought that could've been a line).

Actually I guess I don't regret MOVING....I regret not discussing it with him. I don't know....the end result would have probably been the same.

Mimi-

That's okay, you know me....you know I need a kick in the pants when I get that way.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren-

Just wanted to lend my support. There have been drastic changes in my kids since my WH left. It is one of the worse things to witness...your children in pain and not much you can do about it, but be supportive, love them, and reinforce that the rules are always the same (even when we are hurting). This has been one of the things that has affected my feelings towards WH--this is not the man I married, he would never hurt his kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, hang in there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Improving-

Thanks for the support. I appreciate it.

My Mom just called to tell me that my Aunt died this morning. I feel really bad for my Uncle. He has had several failed marriages, but he really found the right one this time.

It's especially sad because he and his wife flew in from California to participate in our wedding. My Uncle performs marriages in California, and he, in addition to the minister did our wedding ceremony.

We weren't really very close, because they lived in California and I only saw them once a year or less, but I really did like her.

Also, the gentleman I take care of is on his way home from the hospital today. He's not better, he's still aspirating so therefore he WILL get pneumonia again, but he's been so sick for 12 years, and decided that he doesn't want to be in the hospital anymore, and he doesn't want them to do anything more to him except dialysis. I believe he signed a DNR order at the hospital. He told me he is ready to die.

I find this VERY hard to accept. I have really become attached to him, and since I'll be taking care of him during the day while his wife is at work, it's possible that he may die while in my care, and I can't imagine not doing CPR on someone who is in cardiac arrest. It just goes against everything I would want to do. I am also unsure of the procedure for something like that.....do I call the squad?? I mean EMT's can't pronounce someone...but maybe they call the coroner? Then I would need to clean him up, because I can't imagine his wife having to deal with that.

His wife just called me and wants to know if I can come over and help her clean up the house. She said "I don't know how else to say this, but when his time comes people will be visiting and I haven't been able to clean the house in a long time and I could use your help if you're available."

So that's what I'll be doing this afternoon.

God Bless,

-Caren

How depressing, today is my first day back taking care of the gentleman I do homecare for (At home...he's been in the hospital), his wife seems to think he's going to pass away within the week.....sheesh.

I called a friend of mine that I go to church with, because last week she approached me about a job opening at her work (She's a supervisor). She said it starts out at $10.00 per hour, and that there are benefits, etc. It would end up being less than I make now, since I'm being paid under the table. But I explained the situation to her with my current job, and she wants me to come in for an interview this week anyway. I can't wait to have benefits, I need to go to the dentist SO BAD!!!!

I'm freaking out about going to work today, that's all I need is for him to pass away and me be the only one there.

*sigh* Pray for me, that I can handle this.

God Bless,

-Caren

Imagine a life without pain, without the need for machines to keep you alive, no more IV's, or rollovers, or waking you up in the middle of the night to check to see ifyou are alive, no more laboring to breathe or eat or speak. A release of pain, and being able to talk with God, not in prayers, but face to face...who wouldn't? When our body is so pained, and is going to give out, it is time...

Caren -

Hey - how are you? How were things today?? I caught up on your sitch just now.... Let us know.

I wanted to make a quick comment on your thoughts about moving out too. You know if you had prewarned Mark that he might have talked you out of doing that - Second guessing ourselves though is just something us BS's do. I really believe that if you stand firm in your Plan B that Mark is going to eventually get it.

How many days now?

Kim