The computer is in the kitchen, and her Dad apparently found out via her Xanga account that the boys spent the night. I deleted the Xanga account.....I was always leery of it.

I know she's screaming for my attention, I really try to give it to her. We talk a lot, I listen to their music and dance around and they make fun of my dancing....I just took her to get her nails done. I have limited funds, and that is another reason she is citing that she wants to live with her Dad. He has the money to go to aeropostal and abercrombie and buy her clothes....I don't.

I've tried to talk to her about what's going on, but she simply says she's not happy and what would make her happy is living with her Dad.

She says she's wanted to live there for a long time, but stayed with me because she felt I needed her. I said "Needed you for what?" She said "Ya know, just to be here for you". I never wanted my kids to feel that way...that they need to be some kind of emotional crutch for me. I said "Lauren, I love you more than life itself, you are my baby and I'll always love you, but I don't "need" you to watch your sister, and I don't "Need" you to be strong for me, I only need you to be happy." She said "I think I will be happy with Dad".

I'm so crushed, I can't even fight him in court for it because he would SO win (not to mention she's old enough to choose). He would win because for the last year and a 1/2 I have been highly unstable. I was hospitalized for being suicidal (That was a year ago), I had to be in a Intensive Outpatient Treatment Program for months. I've moved 3 times in a year and a 1/2. I'm working on my 4th job in a year and a 1/2 too. Meanwhile he's Mr.Stability, owns his own home, married for 8ish years....etc. etc.

He's really a good guy, it's not that I have moral issues with him, it's that I never thought I'd be losing my daughter.....I just assumed that she'd live with me until she went to college. That's how it's supposed to go, right?!?!?!?!

I want my fricken life back....I can't believe all this is happening.

As far as worrying about my husband's eternity....I can't help it, I love him, I don't want anyone I love to go to he//!! I can't actually think of a person that I'd wish that on. I want him to know the Lord like I do, it's such a wonderful thing. I pray for that a lot.

I don't know, I'm very distraught about all of this.

God Bless,

-Caren

Sooooooooo????? What are you gonna do about it? Gonna finally (hopefully) stay dark and get this thing to stop? Or let it continue to drag out by continuing contact?

Even if your daughter ends up going over with him awhile...it isnt her he is after. It is you! So, when you gonna go into Plan B?? I'm still waiting to see that awesome Plan B...the total darkness.

As Mimi bounced around for awhile...and then finally got it...so can you. But you are gonna have to do as she did and finally say ENOUGH! And do this right.

You know where I stand on Plan B Caren. How about finally giving Plan B a shot! It'll stop all of this mess and let you relax and concentrate on you and your household.

In His arms.

Caren,

You keep trying to get him to get the message. That he needs to come back to his family. But over and over again you see him hear those words and pretty much cough in your face. How many times do you expect to do this same thing over and over again before you realize he's not going to respond differently to you? You are doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result each time.

I know you are an action person. You see a problem and you want to do something to fix it. The hard thing about plan B is that the best thing you can do is nothing... stay silent. No response.

He may seem like he's hurting. But he actually has just learned new ways to push your buttons. It's going to escalate as long as you repond to this nonsense.

Mortar-

Mark is Lauren's step-father, she wants to go and live with her biological father.

I have some questions Mortar, because there is no more OW....he isn't in contact with her and he believes that I am not talking to him because I know how to *push his buttons*.

If there's no OW, no withdrawl then am I doing the right thing? I mean I don't even know which end is up anymore.

I am so upset, I cried all night last night about my daughter, couldn't sleep all night thinking about it. I have been crying all morning this morning, I had to finally suck it up long enough to come to work......but just thinking about it makes me want to cry again.

I talked to Lauren's dad this afternoon, I said "Were you planning on telling me about your plans to have Lauren move in with you?"

He said "I told her that the offer was on the table"

I said "Well she is stating that it's a forgone conclusion"

He said "Well I am going to pick her up tonight @ 5:30 for the weekend and I'll talk to her"

I said "She told me not to call you last night to talk about it because Tracey (His wife) didn't know about it yet."

He said "Well we're having problems...nothing to do with Lauren, but we are"

I said "What the heck is going on?"

He said "We're just having some problems"

I said "Well Lauren is planning on moving in with you in the very near future"

He said "I'll probably be living with my Mom"

HOW IS THAT BETTER?!??! Now he's having marital issues.

Has the entire world gone crazy?!?! I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I need my husband! His problem is that he doesn't feel like he's in love with me any more, and that he's not sure the problem is fixable. It's no longer another woman.

I'm so distraught I can barely stand it.

God Bless,

-Caren

How can you be absolutely sure that there is NO OW? What does it matter what HE THINKS? This is about what you will or will not put up with. This is a man who talked told his young daughter that her M was out "getting a piece...". That was not only abusive towards her but highly disrespectful of you.



How could being in contact with him be RIGHT? He needs to APOLOGIZE to you...come to you begging, pleading, on his hands and knees, asking for your forgiveness..saying how sorry he is about how he has been acting and how he has treating his own child....



BULL CRAP, Caren.

I understand that you NEED your H but you will not REALLY HAVE him UNTIL YOU DO THIS PLAN B.

We've told you this a zillion times, Caren. YOU NEED YOURSELF!! YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU!!

Caren, I know all this is tough on you and it seems like you're getting a lot of 2x4's....you know its cause we care for you. We are not here to just tell you what you want to hear...MB friends are telling you what you NEED to hear. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> (even if its the same thing over and over)



Its great that you talk with her...don't vent to her about Mark. Neither one of the girls needs to hear that. Do fun things with her but don't be her friend...be their mom. They need you to be the adult...make the tough decisions and give them a safe home...You have come so far and have been brave....you CAN do this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


These are your words...its great that you recognized this. You may not have wanted them to feel like this...but Lauren does. THIS IS YOUR WAKE UP CALL. Your DD14 sees the chaos and wants out. What are you going to do about it?

ANSWER: Stop the chaos=plan B

You said you think A is over and you want to be with your H. What do you think would happen if you went back to him RIGHT now. How has HE changed? How are his actions making you feel safe? How is HE creating a safe place for your girls? Why would your M be better now then before you left?

You said it before---you can't control him...don't let him control you!

You really can do this...we believe in you...we pray for you...IT IS TIME YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi Caren,

Just bumping this up so you can give us an update from the weekend.

How are you?

Hi all-

Well, Friday night I went and babysat at the church....they had a couple's night, and since it's blantantly obvious that I'm not a "couple" that asked me to run the nursery.

Saturday was uneventful. Brooklyn went with her friend all day and Lauren spent the weekend with her Dad. So I was all alone all day Saturday. Brooklyn came home about 9pm and wanted to stay the night with her friend she'd been with all day. She said "I don't want to be here"....which made me feel so much better...NOT.

Sunday morning Brooklyn and I got up and went to church, but I felt terrible. Light headed I was having heart palpitations, and my blood pressure was being all whacked out....it was at one point 149/124.....and being as I have some medical training I knew this was nothing to screw with. I was also having a little trouble breathing. So I ended up going to the fire-station and they transported me by ambulance to the hospital. I was there for like 6 hours. They did EKG's, they did a chest ex-ray, they drew labs for cardiac enzymes twice, they gave me a breathing treatment, they gave me 2 nitro pills under my tongue and then slapped a nitro patch on my chest which gave me a screaming headache. My heart rate was all over the place, but all the tests came back negative. They ended up saying it was probably a panic attack and gave me an ativan.

They tried to give me morphine for my headache....but I dislike morphine...it DOESN'T get rid of headaches...first of all.....and it also makes me feel really stoned and out of control, and it makes me puke. So....I said...how about we get away from me with the morphine...can I please just get some tylenol??? So they gave me some tylenol.

My sister stopped by Mark's shop and told him I was at the hospital and why.....he flew down there and sat with me the entire day and then he drove me home. He called me twice last night to make sure I was okay, and twice today.

They set me up for a cardiac stress test...supposedly today....but when I called central scheduling for the hospital they said they didn't have me scheduled, and they scheduled me for the 30 of March.....that's 3 days after I start my new job....that's really not going to work.

So that's how my weekend was....

I feel like someone beat the crap out of me today.

I had a horrible night, I couldn't sleep at all, for some reason my calf muscles felt really weird.......like tight or something, and I couldn't get comfortable, so finally at 1 am I got up and took a hot bath and finally got to sleep.

So, I called my regular MD (I have no insurance, so my doctor visits are $100 dollars a pop) to see if he would call me in a refill on my Xanax. I had been out of them for 3 days, and the hospital seems to think that's what it was. I've been on Xanax for 7 years for panic disorder....but it's NEVER happened like this....usually it's a breathing thing....like I can't catch my breath...but nothing else.

So I told the doctor, that I was starting a new job the 27th of this month, and would have insurance 30 days after that.....so he wrote me 2 refills and wants to see me after the insurance kicks in.

So that's how my weekend went.

So, why did Mark run to the hospital???? Guilt??? He seemed genuiunely worried....I didn't really have time to analyze it...I was a little busy.

He said "Caren, it probably was stress....with the stuff that's going on with Lauren, and the things with us......"

So anyway, that's how my weekend went.

God Bless,

-Caren

Gosh, I hate to disagree with a doctor, but Xanax is not a good treatment for panic attacks. It works, but can be addicting. There are much better meds for panic attacks. I had them bad for 10 years, got on meds and never had another one.

So are you going to continue with PLAN B?

I agree with Believer...

I would question taking Xanax for that long...

You didn't respond to my last post to you so I'm guessing that you may not be wanting to hear from me..

But I do wish you well...

Sorry to hear about your hospital visit, Caren. You really need to get out of the drama, and going dark is the only way I can see this happening.

Mark went there to see you because he cares about you, and sure, maybe some guilt too. But this is in no way a sign of him seeing clearly. My WW would take care of me very lovingly while I was sick or in pain, then she'd call the OM while getting the groceries...

Yep, Sundog.

I thought about saying something to this effect to Caren..but I wasn't too sure that she would listen to me...

Mimi-

It's not that I don't want to hear from you...not that at all, just wanted to give the weekend update.

I don't know what I'm doing right now, I can't really concentrate on anything except how crappy I feel.

I ordered Dr.Phil's Relationship Rescue Book.....I just want something else to read.

I need the name of that book you were quoting from, about men, if you wouldn't mind.

I'm also setting up counseling appointments with my minister.

God Bless,

-Caren

I hesitated talking about this book Caren because it applies to NORMAL MEN..not WAYWARD HUSBANDS...

Please do not apply this to your Husband as he is now...

I'm having problems with you not addressing what your WH said to your daughter...

That was over the top..for me...

I couldn't let him around me..sick or not.. until he apologized for that...

The book is: For Women Only: what you need to know about the inner lives of men by Shaunti Feldham.

Caren,

I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well.

I hope you feel better.

Caren -

Hope you are feeling better too. Get strong & come back & WOW us. O.K.?

Kim

Thanks for the well wishes....feel a little better this evening.

Thanks for the name of the book Mimi....I understand what you're saying about what Mark said through Brooklyn.

Thanks All and God Bless,

-Caren

Are you still hanging in there? I've been following along and just wanted to drop in and give you some support!

JJ

Thanks JJ,

Yep, hanging in there...doing the best I can.

The doctor wants me to stay home from work one more day, so I am going to go to Jobs and Family Services tommorrow and try to get some emergency assistance.

My pay has been less than normal due to the gentleman I take care of taking a turn for the worse, and his wife wanting to stay home with him.

I haven't even paid the rent this month. (The church is helping me out with that...I have 1/2 of it).

I'm having serious financial problems.

So hopefully I can get something going....I only need it for about 5 weeks, because my new job starts the 27th...but of course, the withold a weeks check, so I won't have any cash for a while after I start.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren - financial troubles really complicate issues. I'm sorry for all you're going through. Always try and keep up with events in your life. It's awesome that the church are helping you pay the rent. TT