The most important thing to remember is that YOU don't have a problem with anyone. Your spouse has a problem with his/her parents. If there is anything that needs to be resolved, your spouse is the one that should handle it and handle it quickly. This will set the "tone" of your married life. If the spouse won't "handle it" quickly and correctly, then you have bigger problems than "in-laws".
I would suggest immediate counseling for you and your spouse to prevent future problems.
I agree. I had issues with my H's family for 20 years and we argued over and over about it. He would not set boundaries in any area and eventually I had enough and told him I was done. We don't see his family now and though this may not be a good situation it has it's positives and this is no longer an issue. It took me 20 years to realise I was the one always trying to negotiate without any help from H.
He is seen as the 'nice' one in his family and wasn't prepared to make any waves to spoil his reputation.
The last straw for me was when his sister and family came visiting unexpectedly one day when I was in the middle of an emotional meltdown and she sat and hounded me for hours to get to find out what was going on. I politely told her at least 4 times I didn't wish to talk about it. By the time she and family left, I was an emotional basket case and extremely angry to boot and when H got home expected he would be just as angry as I. He wasn't!
She then rang our home next morning at some ungodly hour, knowing she would get H and not me and had more chance of finding out her information. He proceeded to chat with her as if nothing had happened. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> In the ensuing argument he said "this is YOUR problem" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
I have now handed 'MY' problem to him, what I should have done in the first place, and feel a lot less stress.