Sasha -- I just thought of a place that helped me a lot when I lost my baby. It's a bulletin board where I had been posting during the pregnancy and they have a section for "Grief and Loss" where I moved to after the loss. It really helped to talk to other women who had gone through similar experiences. A lot of them went through other traumas after their losses -- divorces, death of parents, loss of job, etc. -- and it was helpful to have a place to vent. Please check it out if you think it might be useful to you:

http://bbs.babycenter.com/board/pregnancy/pregnancygrief/3376/thread/2826501
http://bbs.babycenter.com/board/preconception/precongrief/3359/thread/2828511

The first one is a general board for women who have suffered late pregnancy loss, the second is for women who are trying for another baby after a stillbirth or neonatal loss. Both groups are very welcoming and understanding.

Good luck.

Sasha,

Many people in life aren't given good coping skills - and when things happen that are so overwhelming, a depression hits and they start to self destruct - alcohol, drugs, affairs...it's a lack of a good support system, being able to REALLY talk, and poor coping skills.

For me - it was the loss of my uterus at 27 that spiralled me - no where near the loss of a child - but it hit me hard...

You do need to see an IC - to help you greive this loss, get out of the depression, and start to put in new coping mechanisms so when life throws you a curve ball next time - you can handle it.

As for your husband...you need to come clean. Your husband may divorce you - and he may threaten that he will - but most people dont.

A week before I was caught by my husband - i even prodded him about his sisters affairs - he will still very adament that no matter what - if I eer had an affair - he would divorce me and take the kids - he had always said that since day 1 of our marriage.

Here we are 13 months post my d-day and 7 motnhs post an affair he had later...and we are doing really good.

We are happy again, and building our marriage bit by bit everyday...a marriage built on honesty. And my new skills in communication and coping have made me change - to the point that my husband reacts to me differently - he even says SORRY when he blames me for something - becuase I dont engage in the stupid fights we used to have.

It will take time..

But the first step for you is - COME clean...then bring him to MB - this will be a place of support for him...prepare for the fact he will be ANGRY - he will yell - you need to try not to engage - just tell him you are so sorry, you love him, and you want to make this work with HIM...keep reminding him - no matter what he says - okay?

Wow, I think I'd talk to a counselor if I were you.

I'm sure the best answer is posted here somewhere, but I'd talk to an EXPERIENCED marriage counselor.

Remember, the advice you receive from us might be experienced, but might also be a wee bit slanted.

Counselors have seen your situation many dozesn of times and know the most probably outcome depending on how you handle the situation.

Leave to a pro, darlin.

Good luck! And remember, nothing lasts forever, including the bad times.

In the meantime, let go of the guilt. You're making yourself feel guilty. It can only cloud your decisions.