My WS tells me we are not getting divorced because of OW, he just didn't want to be married anymore. He has now been living with her for 6 months. He also says he is not interested in a long-term relationship with the OW and that he has never told her that he loves her. It seems most of the other WS at least admit feelings for the OP. Why would my WS say these things?

Most of the time the WS still cares for the BS, so they say some things to "protect" the BS. It's quite possible this is what he is doing. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you more than he already has. Also, without you showing additional hurt than it's possible he won't feel as guilty about his actions.

The mind of a WS is very confusing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Most WS's say the same thing. It's part of the script. Ignore it.


Yep. Heard that one too....seen it many many times in other stories here.


Because WS's lie. He doesn't want to totally alienate you so he tries to minimize (as if it's possible) the affair.

Chances are he IS telling her the things he is telling you he's not. He's lying to both of you. It's just about impossible to be having an affair and not be lying to everyone involved.

Have you read here much? Have you read Surviving an Affair? What's your story? This is a great place for support. Welcome to MB <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Probably because he realizes the OW cannot meet all of his ENs.

You mentioned you are talking to him. Are you meeting some of his ENs?

faithinme,

Yes, I have read SAA. I have been reading here for a while. It helps to know I am not alone and I know my situation is normal as compared to other affairs.

Here is my story:

I was with my husband for 5 years before we got engaged. We were, as most other couples here, incredibly happy together! We shared all the similar interests, we share the same circle of friends (Most of whom were his friends before me. I moved to this city to be with WS), and our familys were very close to each other as well. We got married in 2002, bought a house together and things were great. He is an attorney (I know, boo) and I am a financial advisor. So, we have good jobs. He took the bar 4 times and I stood by him each time. I was studying to get my designation over some of 2003 and all of 2004. October of 2004 is when I noticed him treating me differently. He was under a lot of stress because he had just made partner. He started going into work very early and coming home late because he would go to the bar with his partners to "destress". In January 2005 I caught him in a lie about who he was on the phone with. It was OW. I know her. She is 25 and a trust fund baby. Lot's of money and no job - no responsibilites. Long story short D-day was July 5th 2005. He had been going to her house pretty much every day before work and even on his lunch breaks. Obviously, he wasn't at the bar every night - he was with her. I filed for divorce in August and our court date for trial is May 17th. I have cried literally every day since he left, which BTW, he went straight from our house to hers.

Ahuman,

These comments were made by him some time ago. We have only spoken twice in the past two months. Once was on some finances and the other time was him calling me to see if we could settle w/o having to go to court. That is a whole other story. He would be better off if he would sign on my offer now. All I want is the car we bought (that is in his father's name) free and clear and a disproportionate share of the equity in our home. He totaled my car that was paid for after our separation. That is all we are in disagreement about. I had to hire a private investigator to get the truth so I know he doesn't want to go to court and have his dirty laundry displayed in front of his peers. So, it's a waiting game for me (our court date is May 17th). Meanwhile, I go home to our empty house every night in the deafining silence... that has been the hardest part. I wanted so desparately, somewhere along the way, to see some little itty bitty shread of compassion from him. But have seen none. This has been remarkable because we were so affectionate and good to each other. He knows how much I loved him. I understand (after reading from this site) but still don't understand.

"I understand (after reading from this site) but still don't understand."

So I hope you also understand, its not about you not being good enough and its not about him not loving you.

It must have hurt when he said those things. Maybe you end up thinking things like...Here he has betrayed me, and it wasn't even for someone he cared deeply about and plans to stay with for the rest of his life! But that's because he's the problem. Or rather, its about him not being able to deal with his own problems, so he escapes. After six months the reality of the OW sets in, so it means he can't escape any more....see what I mean?

I am sorry this is happening to you. Coming home to an empty house must feel a bit lonely and be a constant reminder.

It sounds like you have brighter days ahead without him around to hurt you any more!

Good luck to you. Hang in there!

Ahuman,

Thanks. I am trying to keep my perspective in check and I do have bright moments each day. I am blessed with great friends and a wonderful family as well as my health and I know that's what really matters.

I am so sorry for you. I know how you feel. My WW is acting as if her life is just peachy keen while she is leaving a wake of destruction in her path. The A and OM, job and new (bad) friends, have taken the place of everything that was once important to her life. It is simple something you cannot convey unless you are or have lived it as a BS. Hang in there there are brighter days ahead.