Hi there,
I'm a wife who has problems with my husband. He has not cheated on me but has done things that could lead up to it. He has e-mailed women, e-mails that only single people should be writing. I've read it and was heartbroken.

He has been sending pictures and recieving pictures of other women online. He has got on websites such as.. adultfriendfinder.com and findawife.com. I am just devestated. When I found all this out we fought about it and I walked out. I was gone for a few hours then he came and found me and he promised he would never do anything like that again. I believed him and after a few months I was starting to get over it.

Well just a couple days ago I caught him instant messaging other women. He lied saying he didn't know who that was and he doesn't know why he was signed in under a different' name then his normal one. And when I asked him why he was talking to this person he said he was just "curious" But his name was on the information describing himself on the e-mail account. So I left him to go back to work and didn't come home. He called me later and asked me to come back so we could talk this out. Well I did and he told me the "truth" saying it was him and that he was talking to these women.

I am just so hurt. He says he told them he was married but I had a conversation with one of the girls pretending to be him and he told them he was single and his girlfriend just cheated on him. He said he was so sorry and begged for my forgiveness. And swore this would never happen again.

I don't know what to do. I'm so hurt. I love him so much and I don't want to be without him. We have a 5year which he had before we got married. And I love her to pieces. I know I would lose her too. But it comes down to I don't want to be without him, but I'm having a hard with this. All the little bit of trust I had is completely gone. Everything he says I think he is lying. I want to get over this. I've already been on a depression medication and now I'm looking at finding self help books. But I need more help. Please.
Thank you so much
Deborah
Desperate to make this work

Hi,

Your situation is much like mine. It was internet/email EA (Emotional Affair). I understand the hurt and confusion because I lived it for a while too. My wife would lie and lie, and each time she sounded more and more sincere. She said it was like a drug to her, like a fantacy world. And if I had not done what I did - she would have met him and the EA would likely have become a PA (Physical Affair).

There is a program you can buy called E-Blaster. You can buy it on-line and install it on your computer in minutes. Your compure will run like before, and the program is 100% undetectable, but you can - with your password - see EVERYTHING he does. Every web page - every search - every email - every chat - every password - every everything!!! I installed it on our computer and watched as my WW's (wayward wife) relationship with OM (other man)became more and more intimate. Right up until they were planning a meeting. All the while she was lying to me about how often they were in contact and what they were saying to each other.

She NEVER ADMITTED anything until I produced the written transcrips of their chats.

I believe this software saved our marriage, as it forced her to come to grops with what she was doing. AND it is still running. It's been three years, and I only check it once in a while - but she knows I can check it anytime I want.

Trust but verrify!

WOW! I wish I knew about this program earlier! So how does it run exactly. If it's undetectable how do you find out what the other person is looking up?

Thanks for the help!!

After it is installed it copies EVERYTHING. You can only access it if you hold down certain keys all at the same time. Then a little window opens up and asks for a password that only you know! Then it gives you a very detailed report of EVERYTHING that is going on on the computer. If you want you can have the report sent via email to an email account so you can check up on it at work over the internet, or when you are away. You can even have it send you a copy of emails in real time as they are being sent.

It is only - like $49 or maybe $89, I don't remember - but not too much and worth 1000 times that to know what is going on!

I would not delay!

Good luck and keep me posted!!

Thank you so much! I am in the process of buying the program. You've been a great help. I will keep you posted. Thanks again.

I do have another question though. If you were to catch your wife again doing this what would you do? Would you think you leave her? I know it's hard to answer that but I'm just curious.


Deborah

I can tell you what it took for me to realize how much my innocent internet activity was hurting my W. I saw no harm in it, never meeting with women, never caring for them. To me it was harmless, to her it was an Affair. Which sent her looking for admiration elsewhere, resulting in a EA/PA. Also wanting to D me.

When I knew she wanted a D, and was not just a heat of the moment request, it scared the S**t out of me. I became the husband she deserved to have from the beginning, and wanted to be the person she deserved.

By that time she was 3/4 gone. Wanted to be with this person who told her she was beutiful, crazy for putting up with an idiot like me, etc, etc...

Anyway long story short. Ever heard of the kids program (SCARED STRAIGHT)? After realizing the damage I caused her, and that I was soon to be D. What was really important became very clear!

It was unfortunate that it had to come to that before I woke up. But better late than never. We are both very scarred from it all, but still together and working very hard to improve our marriage.

He might need a good scare. Do it now before it's too late. More than just verbal threats. Sit him down, calmly explain (again) it's not exceptable, and you will not remain M to a man who (you fill in the rest).

Also, If you get hard evidence. Keep it secret, do not let him know how you got it. Do not give away enough info that he will realize you have the computer bugged...

You are in the drivers seat here!

No I wouldn't leave her, I love her. But if I didn't have this program to keep an eye on her - I think my suspicion and doubt would have worked away on me, it would have eaten me up. I am a very suicious person by nature, so it's nice to check every now and then and see that nothing out of the ordinary is going on. If something started, I could react before it became to damaging.

Never say never. I would try to keep this info to your self - but it can become very frustrating. You know the ansewr to the question - but you ask it anyway. Then WS lies & lies to you about it. You express doubt of his truthfullness, but he just denies and denies. swearing with all hhis heart. You may become SHOCKED at his sencerity! You may think that if you hadn't read it with your own eyes you would completely believe him. And you may get to a point where you simply CAN NOT continue without busting him, because without D-DAY the EA will not stop! So - yes try to keep your secret as long as you can - but accept that you may have to show him the evidence some day, and show him that you know he has been lying, and tell him how the words he gave the OW hurt you so bad, but not nearly as bad as the lies.

Be Well - you are not alone!

Mugs

The funny thing is when I caught him IM a girl he lied so well! A few weeks before that I caught him online when I was at work and I logged on (that's how we keep in touch at work) and he was on. He swore he never IM anyone. Not anyone at all. I asked him again a week ago and he swore again. I believed him. I didn't check up on him. I walked in on him talking to her. He had a list of about 20 women. I LOST it. It was under a differen't e-mail address then that I'm used to and I literally took the mouse out of his hand and looked at his e-mail profile and there is his name and birthday. For an hour after that he denied it. Hours later he finaly admitted it.

But my point is he lied beautifully the few weeks ago. I believed every word that came out of his mouth. Like you said I would hvae believed him if I hadn't seen the proof right there in my face! He even swore on "his daughters life" he didn't create that e-mail. What I liar he was.... is