I think there was a reason I came across this website tonight. I've read all the articles and can identify with so many of them...as if it was written just to me.

I've been married 14 years. I've been in an affair for about 18 months. I'm looking at myself, and for the most part I don't like who I am anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore.

The affair has really put me in a state of confussion. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to make my marriage work. I don't know if I want to try to salvage the mess I've made of it. I love my OM. But, I know it's wrong and I have to get out. Just the thought of never seeing him again kills me. It feels like an addiction.

How do I start NC? How do I get through the low's? I just want to die. I don't know how I got in such a mess.

Confess to your Husband & bring him here. We can help you both through this difficult time. There is no better place to be than here.

I'm glad you found this website too...welcome to MB. This will not be easy. And since you are in the A there will be alot of work for you to do. The first thing you MUST do is to stop contact with OM. Tell your H about A. Have you read about the No Contact (NC) letter yet? Do not have one last night w/OM to let him down easy....this is not easy.

There are many here who have been in your shoes...you are not alone.

Starsapphire, welcome to MBers – I’m glad you have discovered this website. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Please read the following guide for FWW’s and make sure you read all the additional links provided in this thread:

A Recovery Guide for Wayward Wives

(just clik on the above link)

The above is a GREAT thread compiled by Dorry (a FWW) and contains all the guidelines and information you need to recover and rebuild your marriage… But then you need to APPLY all the steps & advice and put it into practise. And one of the most important steps you'll need to take is coming clean with your H and tell him everything. You will not be able to recover your M with complete honesty and openess.

The above thread also contains a link to my withdrawal guide (click on the link). Please read this guide thoroughly. It contains guidelines on how to help yourself as a FWS cope with withdrawal and therefore stay committed to NC. The A and OM IS like an addiction and the only way you can start to withdraw and recover from this is to end all contact with him for life. As soon as you start NC, you will start experiencing withdrawal and this is where the above guide will come in very handy.

Please keep posting!