The "relationship" between WH and I has deteriorated to one line emails about the kids. He won't answer my phone calls, and I won't leave messages anymore. I won't take his phone calls becuase he always ends up hurting me.

For about the last week I have been angry - really angry. I just don't want to say anything to him for fear it will make things worse. I also feel myself becoming bitter - Is this normal?

I am in IC and that has been very helpful, and I have returned to my spiritual roots and found comfort in my prayer and quiet times. But the anger is so intense that everytime his name is mentioned I want to blast him! And when I see him (only when he picks up the kids) I can't be pleasant or sweet - I am just angry and I know he feels it.

What can I do -

jan, I just believe the anger is a stage we will go through. And sometimes they cycle. At first I was sick and so so hurt and angry. Then I was ok for a while, kind of put it to the back of my mind. Felt like I could be forgiving. Could even be nice. Then all of a sudden, 6 months into wh not living here, I am so full of emotions flooding to the surface I about don't know what to do with myself. I have decided to see the IC my kids are seeing.

I just think it is so normal for what we are going through and trying to deal with. I think we are justified in being angry! But I also want to deal with the anger so I can move past it. Wh and I both have a lot of years worth of anger built up inside of us. so..... right now he is in Iraq. I am getting ready to have the kids write to him everyday, we will mail everyday and send packages at least every other week if not more. I will bake him things, etc. IT IS NOT EASY TO DO THIS because of my anger and hurt, but want to set a good example for my kids and want to show him I can be nice and supportive even in my hurt.

Don't know if that helped at all...... I just want you to know I understand how you feel. mlhb

Please read the link in my sig line about the 5 stages of grieving. Then we can discuss how you can work through it.

L.

Jan,

How r u doing?

L.

Hi Orchid -

Thanks for posting the link. I tend to foget that this is GRIEF that I feel. And I still am going through all the stages.

I think the denial is gone, this is really happening - he is gone, he is not making jestures that say - I miss you, I want to come home. I try very hard to not go back into denial - It gets me no where.

As for the rest of the steps - somedays I am in accemptance and others I am right back in ANGER. Although this happens less frequently now. But even this morning I felt it. The anger at him not being here, angry that my kids aren't here, waking in their own bed - they are with him this weekend. Anngry that I am alone this morning. I wold love to make french toast and have breakfast in bed - but not the same alone. And I want a cup of coffee!!! - I make lousey coffee - my WH always did this. Every morning he made a cup and brought it to me. Haven't been able to make a pot since he left. I actually unplugged and put the cofee maker away. But this morning - I want a cup....

Acceptance has been tough. I have had sometime now where I can actually think ahead - not very far ahead - but a few months down the road. I have started setting short term goals for myself. Things that don't involve him - but decisions about my life regardless of whether he is with me or not. And I have slowly started to change my house - move some furniture around, re-wallpaper, paint. Anything to make the house feel different - less like the home that we lived in togehter.

Each day I feel a little stronger, more accepting, and this has enabled ot more thoughtful and considerate towards my WH. I actually know what Plan A is suppose to be like now. I couldn't even imagine how to do it before. And now - I just am trying to be caring, respectful and thoughtful.

Hope you are well - Jan

PS - are you in New England? We live in southeastern MA.

Jan,

I am in Hawaii. That's why I post at such unsual hours. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Glad you read it. Now we can help you work through these stages. I have to go to work..... will be back later tonight.

take care,
L.