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Difficult getting a response ...pls help
#1574459 01/26/06 08:52 AM
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LLG Offline OP
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I'm having a tough time trusting WH. Looking for signs to know if he is for real about trying to reconcile. However I am wondering if he is still trying to talk to OW. Wondering if there is a way to know. I blew the whistle to fast before I could have more investigating to find out if A was about to end. However Ws says that it was over. I don't trust that this is the case.

Also, in Plan A Dr Harley talks about having the WS do a No Contact letter. If there are problems with animosity and resentment already between BS and WS is is wise or helpful for the BS to ask WS even if done respectfully to do "No contact letter"? ALso what if WS refuses?

Last edited by reallyconcerned; 01/26/06 09:03 AM.
Re: Difficult getting a response ...pls help
LLG #1574460 01/26/06 03:35 PM
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strongereachday Offline
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Quote
... However I am wondering if he is still trying to talk to OW...

If you're detecting resentment towards you, he's probably making a good effort to stay away from the OW.

Quote
I blew the whistle to fast before I could have more investigating to find out if A was about to end.

Maybe, maybe not. What does it matter? Even if the A was about to end, if it wasn't brought to the light of day, then you may have never had the chance for the both of you to work on taking measures to prevent it again in the future.

Quote
If there are problems with animosity and resentment already between BS and WS is is wise or helpful for the BS to ask WS even if done respectfully to do "No contact letter"?


If there wasn't some resentment, that's the time to worry. The resentment comes from withdrawal. If there were no withdrawal, what would that tell you?

As far as the NC letter, why not just bring it up as a consideration on one of those good days (assuming there are still up and down days)? If you find evidence of violating NC agreements that you may have already reached, then maybe request a NC letter at that point, assuming he wants to work things out and is willing to demonstrate it.
Re: Difficult getting a response ...pls help
strongereachday #1574461 01/27/06 06:49 AM
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Thank you for replying strongreachday. That is helpful. It has been hard. I just found out that the A ISN'T over. I feel so duped. But I knew I had suspicions for a reason.
Now I'm wondering if our situation will work out at all. I guess there is no way to know. RIght, now it is scary trying to work through things.

Yes, we do still have some good days. However I fear that I bring the attitude down because I'm sitting here thinking that he should be trying to make things right. Now, I realize this isn't a helpful way for me to see things. Now I ealize that I need to come up above the situation, much like an eagle flying up above the storm looking down to try and figure out how to weather it. I feel all mixed up indies. Trying to find ways to focus. Anyway I'm trying to do a few things.

LLG=Living, Learning, Growing formerly reallyconcerned
Trying to stop fearing and start living
BS-35
WS-33
kids, yes
1 D-day 8/2003, 2nd D-day 1/2006
Current status:
Working in Plan A.

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