Some things that I've noticed last/night and today are really bothering me, and I'd love some advice on how to handle this...

Last night, H called me a couple of times...he was at a truck stop (not close to where she lives) and I know he was tired because he'd been up since 4:00 a.m. and driving..he said he was going to go to sleep, ok .. fine..I believed that...
This morning we were talking and he said that he fell asleep right after we talked...and he mentioned that he got a good 6 hours of sleep...ok, if he fell asleep at 8:00 (when we hung up)and got up at 3:30 like he said, he would have gotten at least 7 - 71/2 hours of sleep...ok, so no big deal, he may have just not estimated right...but...

he called me again a little later and we were talking about the bank account, how much money was in it, etc...he said I checked the balance on the atm machine last night and it said there was *** in there. I was like, when did you do that? He said, I went in the truck stop last night to get something to drink and there was an ATM machine there, so I checked the balance...hmmm, he never mentioned to me that he went in there or was planning on going in there...he was super tired last night and we talked at least 3 times between the time he got there and when we hung up and he supposedly went to sleep...

so of course in my BS mind, I'm wondering if he went in there to call her and didn't mention it to me because he's still lying and sneaking..or..did he not mention it to me because he was really innocently getting a drink and he didn't want me to THINK he was calling her? or did he just forget to mention it?...Dont' you just love how being betrayed makes you analyze every little move the WS makes...I don't love it at all, it's driving me crazy...

So here's my dilemma....I know in Plan A you can ask if there's been contact but not in a LB kinda way, and believe me....giving him the third degree about what he does every minute of his day is a LB for him...my first reaction was to ask him straight up why he failed to mention he went in there, I'm pretty sure he'll just get defensive and say stuff like..'see, I knew you'd never get over this and trust me again'...If I just ask him if he's talked to her this week (and I probably will do that), he's just going to say no...one thing I have been doing throughout all of this when we talk about him not having contact with her and him swearing to me he isn't, is to say something like,,I'm going to trust that is the truth hun, because I really don't believe you're the kind of man to continue to lie and sneak around after how sincerely you've acted in your love for me....or something to that effect. Hoping that if he does get the urge to call her or does actually call her, he will feel like a big piece of crap for doing it...

Regardless if he is calling her or not, I do believe we've made good progress in our relationship...I know he wants it to work out between us and he is putting effort that I can see into filling my needs and making me feel safe..like calling me all the time, rearranging the times he leaves for runs so that he can be home with me more, planning weekends away for us, he even offered for me to come with him tonight because he has to go back out again and we haven't seen each other for a couple of days...but I think he may still be trying to cake-eat.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

So first of all, do you think that I am going crazy and making mountains out of molehills with this?
Secondly, should I even ask about the truck stop thing?...Plan A is suppose to make the WS comfortable and attracted to the marriage and I'm afraid asking him straight out isn't going to do that...

Should I just file this away and hope that I'm wrong?..or that if I am right and he is still calling her, that I can keep working hard at Plan A and hope he can let her go completely?

I know that when we talked the other night, he told me that he cares about her and that he feels bad for hurting her too...he said he knows that he hurt me more and he feels worse about that, but that by him being selfish and leading her on when he knew he wasn't going to be leaving me he hurt her and he feels bad for that...so it's possible that he is still calling her...they did talk on the phone at least 4 - 5 times a day for a couple of months..maybe more on some days...and he could be justifying calling her occasionally because he hurt her...

So what the heck do I do now..???help please....This crap is just driving me freaking crazy...

Has he written her a no contact letter?

((This_hurts))

Again, I don't know if I should give you feedback since you have made it farther than I did, but maybe my mistakes will help you.

If I were you, I would ask H how he would prefer you handle the insecurity. Tell him, gently, about your occasional doubts and see how he reacts. If he gets all "I knew you would never be able to trust me again, this isn't worth it", then that is very telling IMO. If he responds with an attitude of wanting to make you feel safe and protected, that is good.

Keep up the plan Aing, are you doing good with the pleasant phone calls? Remember that is what she offered him, so try to fill that need.

I am glad you are still around.

He hasn't sent a NC letter, he insists that she 'gets it' and it's done so no need for a NC letter...I think if I pushed it he may, but I have my doubts about if NC letters really work anyway,,if he's still talking to her he could just tell her that I "made' him do it, no doubt she will tell herself that regardless, and if it really has ended with them, I dont' even want her to think for a minute that she is still an issue between us...

{If he gets all "I knew you would never be able to trust me again, this isn't worth it", then that is very telling IMO. If he responds with an attitude of wanting to make you feel safe and protected, that is good.}

He doesn't really say 'this isn't worth it', but he does say it in a kind of way that sounds like he doesn't think I'll ever get over this and he says he hates himself for giving me reason to lose my trust in him...he does try to make me feel secure when he's gone, calls faithfully, makes sure he doesn't stop at night anywhere near her town, works hard to make it home if he can, etc...He's been very affectionate and sweet when he's home too...that's why it's so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that he could still be talking to her..

I just have these doubts and I wish I knew if I was being paranoid or if I really do feel something 'not right'...

{Keep up the plan Aing, are you doing good with the pleasant phone calls? Remember that is what she offered him, so try to fill that need. }

I think I've been doing very well with that...I have been trying not to call him way too often though, I did that in the beginning and I think it was a bit much...i try to wait until he calls me (and he does much more often than before) and when we talk I stay interested in what he's saying and keep it light...tell him I miss him, etc...
So I think we're good on the phone part, it's just really hard for me when he's gone for more than a day...triggers go off all over the place and I panic .. and then I end up like I am now with my head all full of doubts again...I'm praying that he finds another job soon that doesn't take him out on the road as much...

It's also been very good when we are together...I feel like we are more connected and he acts happy to be spending time with me too...

I'm not up yet on Plan A or Plan Z but I know that confronting someone emotionally isn't usually a good idea.

It's like starting sentences with the word "you." It seems to bring out the King Kong in people.