I don't yet know how to insert a link to my story but you can read it under my user name. I had a counseling session with Steve H. on Monday and it went well. He advised that I continue Plan A and read H/N H/N and then ask her to read it only as a way to confirm whether or not my thoughts about the principles applying to our marriage. However, this is from a discussion at 10:30 PM last night.

She was working last night at the hospital where the A partner works (don't know if he was working last night or not) and where the EA/PA took place. As some of you who read my thread will recall I confronted my WW and the OM and told the OM that we would not have another phone call (implying full exposure). He indicated at the time that he would "do the right thing"..

Last nights phone call went something like this...

WW: Hey, how is DS (11 months, who has been sick) feeling?
Me: He's doing better and is sleeping.
WW: Is DD asleep
Me: Not quite, would you like to talk to her?
WW: Yes
Me: (after talking with DD briefly) Okay
WW: What's wrong with you
Me: That's the second time this week you've asked me that so I will tell you
Me: Nothing is wrong with me other than the woman I love and married and committed myslef too, the mother of my children has had and is likely still having an A at the place your are now working, doesn't seem to have any will to try and work on our M, has ignored everthing that was once important to her (children, husbanc, friends, church, etc) for this A and lifestyle, other than that I great.
WW: (all of sudden mood goes from chipper to angry), I can't talk about this right now. I am at work.
Me: Did you even take 5 minutes to think about our relationship this past weekend and what we may yet be able to build and how our children will benefit?
WW: Yes
Me: And, are you the least bit interested in trying to rebuild a new and better M?
WW: pause,,,,Well I am not quitting my job.
Me: Well we can't work on our M while you work that job. First of all you are gone half of the month or more and secondly you must break off all contact with the OM.
Me: I want to give you something to think about...If you could believe that you and I could fall in love again and build something better than we had before would you agree that this would be the ideal outcome for everyone involved. I'm not asking you if you believe simply if you could believe that it could happen what would your answer be?
WW: Pause....Well, I don't know.

At that I hung up the phone and went to bed.

I think that this woman has gone off of the deep end and has become the most selfish woman I have ever seen in a matter of 5 months or less. She is an absolute alien monster. I think she is way past reasoning with at this point as can be witnessed from the conversation above. I want to talk to Steve again because I think it is time for full exposure. Tell the OMW, tell my WW boss, HR, Hospital Admin, Chief of staff, etc. When done it will likely end my wife's employment at the hospital (since she is a contract worker anyway, won't be worth the bad press, threat of lawsuits, etc to the hospital or 57 year old M Dr. (WW is 34 yrs old). I don't know what will happen if I do this..She will either have to come home and hope that I stay and pay the bills or borrow money from Dad, friend, etc. I don't know what OM will do or OMW (divorce, work on salvaging marriage, try and be with my WW??) In any case I suspect that if they are together or forever broken up as a result that either of these is better than letting them carry on their little charade to the world.

Need advice ASAP.

Oh my god, your story sounds almost exactly like mine. WW was a contract RN and had an A with an older doctor (65 years old -- she is 32, yuck).

I never did get my alien to wake up! Let me give you, in my opninion, why she never woke. First, I exposed to everyone directly around her... mother, sister, best friends. She is still hostile about me doing that but the only mistake I made was not exposing to her employer. I truly think things may have turned out differently. The second mistake I made was not getting her to come hear. I hinted around enough and even sent her a couple of things from this site. But, when we were actually trying to work things out, I should have made her coming here for help non-negotiable. That, and I should have made her make the choice between her family and her job.... though she would have taken her job anyway. Lastly, though I was plan A'ing, it wasn't 100%. To fully plan A, you must ignore all of her lies initially. She doesn't have the ability to tell the truth right now.... accept it for the moment. My mistake was letting her lies get me upset. If I could have only look past them, she may have finally told the truth after things between her and I got stronger...

But, she is still on another planet.

DD

Head my advise and listen to others around here about exposure. I didn't listen and our recovery failed.

will you please email me at jefferyrwebb@tds.net so that I can give you my phone number. I would love to talk with you by phone if you would be so kind since our stories are so similar.

Quite honestly, I may not be the best one to take advice from... I failed in all of my attempts to save my marriage. There are other great people to get advice from... MelodyLand and MrsWondering have tried to help me immensely but I failed to take their advice... God I wish I would have listened then. IMO opinion, there really is more to all of this than just reading the material, you really have resolve yourself to doing this 100%. I thought I was doing it at about 90-95% but look where I am at now. Put a cry out to them in your subject line and let's see if they will offer some help. I'll email you in a day or two (after to ask for help from the ones I mentioned above) to see if you are getting help. Please don't take this as being avoidant... it isn't. I just wish the best help for you and these 2 are the best.

DD

DeterminedDad said that you could offer great advice. Please see my other posts and let me know what you think about where my WW currently is in her fog. I have only discussed the A with my WW and the OM (threatening full exposure) so far but I do not believe there can truly be any healing or reconciliation as long as this job where she sees him (regardless of whether or not they are not currently being physical and perhaps talking on her secret cell phone only. I can't be sure they aren't still sneaking into the closet of his off duty bed or gurney or what) Need advice badly based on experience regarding whether I should expose to OMW, my W employer (likely will end the contract job) HR, Hospital Admin, Chief of Staff, etc?

God, any help is much apprecicated.

Bumpity bump!

You doing OK?