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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Archived - Read Only Just Found Out... can they be just best friend

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can they be just best friend #1574628 01/26/06 02:01 PM
Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 1 D dunk OP Junior Member
OP dunk Junior Member D Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 1	hello, I have been with my husband for 9 years now, but we only got married in sept last year, back in june he reunited with a female friend that he had before we met. they have become close friends again. Last week i found out he had slep with her resently, they say it was only once, he does say he loves me and it wont happen again and that there just best friends, he still wonts to go and see her and hes always talking or texting her, im 5 month preg and love him but can it really work if he is still such good friends with her.i know her and she still text me (if i wont her to) and said she wont get in the way of our marriage iv asked him not to see her but he refusses to do that saying there best friends? so does he really love me or although he denies it does he wont her.

Re: can they be just best friend dunk #1574629 01/26/06 03:15 PM
Joined: Jun 2004 Posts: 8,344 D Dealan-de Member
Dealan-de Member D Joined: Jun 2004 Posts: 8,344	Lets see. Look how well that's worked for them so far. AKA: No. They can't be just friends. That's like handing a toddler the controls to an atomic bomb and telling him, "Don't push the button. Don't push the shiny, red, candy-like button." Welcome. Sorry you have to be here, but you are in able hands. PS - Good friends don't enable you to put your marriage in danger. Ever. - Kimmy I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution? O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!

Re: can they be just best friend Dealan-de #1574630 01/26/06 03:59 PM
Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 52 M Mugsy Member
Mugsy Member M Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 52	Listen to Kimmy! They CAN NOT be friends!! They MUST stop all contact. You must insist!! This is a deal breaker! Do not give in. If you do you are condeming your marriage to a slow and painful death! Good luck! BS 43 FWW 40 EA (internet) 4 kids 8-12-13-16 Recovery 1 1/2 years

Re: can they be just best friend Dealan-de #1574631 01/26/06 04:04 PM
Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,025 USA M MrWondering Member
MrWondering Member M Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,025 USA	Friends can become lovers but lovers can never become friends. Sorry, he loses the friend as a consequence of his infidelity. If he can't see that then there is likely a lot more attachment (ie - emotional and physical affair) than you are already aware of. Investigate snooping techniques over on Infidelity General Questions II board (much more active board...in case you didn't know). You deserve and are entitled to the complete truth as it relates to your life. Good luck, Mr. Wondering FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering) DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered "agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.

Re: can they be just best friend dunk #1574632 01/27/06 12:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2000 Posts: 2,863 B Bellevue Member
Bellevue Member B Joined: Apr 2000 Posts: 2,863	She is already in the way of your marriage. Your husband is cheating on you and the only way to save your marriage is the MB way of Plan A, Plan B, Exposure and No Contact letter. Get familiar with the rest of the MB site. Good luck.

Re: can they be just best friend Bellevue #1574633 01/27/06 10:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 22 S shortcake Junior Member
shortcake Junior Member S Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 22	My stepfather told my mother that he and OW were just friends and that he wanted to continue meeting her for lunch, etc. All this meant was that they were still meeting to do drugs and have sex.

Re: can they be just best friend shortcake #1574634 02/01/06 11:32 AM
Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 47 D dchelp Member
dchelp Member D Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 47	dunk - I agree with all the postings above. I was in very similar circumstances to you. Just because the relationship between the two of them is not physically does not mean that it is not an affair! It just means its an emotional affair! It took me a while for my WS to see this and I'm not even 100% sure she fully understands this now. But an affair is an affair and is a serious impediment, no thats not strong enough... its a deal killer to your marriage. Your H must end ALL contact with the OW! No if, ands or buts. Without this you CAN NOT move on. Good luck and let us know how you are doing. I'm a newbie here myself and have been greatly strengthened by the community here at MB. M 071501 BS (me) 32 FWW 31 D-Day (PA) 012906 D-Day (EA) mid-05 Bio - in in my postings: Help - personal or couple issues first (long) ; 3 week vacation suggestion - ? alternative? ;BS pre-marriage virgin post PA ~ HELP plz

Re: can they be just best friend dchelp #1574635 02/01/06 12:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,975 W WhoMe Member
WhoMe Member W Joined: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,975	Quote Sorry, he loses the friend as a consequence of his infidelity. Absolutely. It is amazing how WS don't see this. DUH. They had SEX, they are no longer just friends. My FWH also let his 15 year friendship with a former college classmate turn into an A that was just supposed to be Sf for kicks and giggles. Well, the truth is, that for most women, SF almost always involves emotional attachment. If his "friendship" with OW continues, the affair will continue. This relationship must end, so follow plan A, plan B (if necessary), and NC or your marriage will end. Sorry that this is happening to you, but you are in a wonderful place to get the advice and support that you will need to get thru this very difficult time. Who I am the BW, He is the FWH D-Day: 12/02/03 Recovered

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