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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,620
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,620
I am not ready for a Plan B yet but I went ahead and did the work just in case it came to that. Can you more experienced MBers give it a look and critique it for me please? Thanks.


PLAN B Letter - preliminary
Dear Renie,

It is with much sorrow and despair that I write this letter to you. I am sad beyond compare for what has happened to our marriage and our family. Please know that this letter is not from spite, anger, revenge or as a punishment. Instead, the actions I must now take are those of self preservation. Regardless of how we find ourselves here less than a year after being blessed with our miracle child Brayden, I still find that my heart has a hole in it from you not being available to me and our family. I love you in a special way that I hope someday you will recognize as the most pure form of love you were ever exposed to. It is my prayer that we are able to reconcile and rebuild a “new” marriage from the ashes of this pain and hurt. One that allows us both to understand and meet the needs of each other in a selfless, respectful and ever growing way. I still am proud to be your husband and am still proud that you are the mother of our beautiful children.

We had a lot of wonderful times over the past 8 years of our relationship. There are beautiful memories of San Francisco, Jamaica, Puerto Rico, Branson, Florida, Gulf Shores and other wonderful trips. There are wonderful memories of Victoria growing from a skinny, little one year old (you remember we never thought that she would reach 20 lbs, now look at her) to a beautiful young lady of 9. There are trials and tribulations we went through with your infertility, almost 4 years, only to finally give it all up to God and he led us to a wonderful doctor and less than 18 months later you were pregnant with Brayden, our little miracle boy. I will never forget holding your hand and wiping your brow during our little boy’s birth and the icing on the cake is that his big sissy was able to stay in the delivery room and witness the miracle of life. These and many other fine moments I will never forget. I will always remember with fondness your quirky laugh when you were really tickled about something or wrestling with you and Victoria on our bed or how we comforted one another with the loss of our precious pets. I loved Christmas time with you and our families. This was such a special time and I felt so close to you.

As I have already discussed with you I am deeply sorry for my failure to meet certain needs of yours within our marriage. As I told you, you mean the world to me and if my sensitivity had been better or our ability to communicate with one another had been better I have no doubt that I would not be writing this letter today. One thing for sure, if I would have been able to determine that you were hurting in someway from not having an important need met I would have overturned heaven and earth to try and figure out how to meet it better. With God’s help and through determined learning, I am daily becoming a better husband, father and Christian. I hope someday I have the opportunity to show you the man I am becoming. I think you might like him.

That said, this process of wanting so badly for you to see the light and come out of the fog of the affair you are having and your unwillingness to do so has left me tired, bruised, hurting and most importantly with a feeling that I hate, which is that I may be losing those wonderful feelings I once had and to some degree am able to still have for you. At this time there is no chance for our marriage to begin “anew” as long as you still harbor feelings for another man or as long as the temptation to contact or see the other man by staying in a job that requires you to be separated from our family more than you are with us and provides a means to see the other man, is the number one priority in your life. When and if the infatuation and new wears off for this other person or he finds his next conquest, or the high this job gives you becomes a burden instead and people that you would have in the past never have called friends exit your life, perhaps then there will be a chance to for us to talk about building a new and better marriage.

From now forward, I will conduct all child exchanges with you through Barbara or will call Vic’s cell phone and ask that she wait with the baby at the door and I will come and pick them up. I would appreciate it if you would go to another room or simply not be around when these exchanges are made. The sight of you in the state you are currently in helps to further erode the good feelings and love I still have for you. This is my request and I hope it is one that you can honor. If you need to contact me please do so through Barbara or through Vic. In an absolute emergency you may still call me on my cell phone.

I will be living locally and will have my own set of bills to pay including rent. With your employment and our lack of debt, there should be no problem with you being able to pay for the household expenses. I will keep a duplicate supply of groceries, children’s supplies (formula, snacks, baby food, etc) on hand at my new residence and will routinely buy the children necessary clothing, toys, etc. I will also pay my fair share of the children’s daycare and school related activities as they come up. I will continue to keep you and the children on my health and dental insurance.

In closing, I hold out hope that the beautiful, smart, Christian, caring, giving, loving, dependable and loyal woman that I was so proud to marry in the FUM chapel over 5 years ago will find her way to the surface someday. I think she and the man I intend to become might have a lot in common and would make great dating partners. Who knows where it could go to from there? Until such time, and in order to preserve what love and feelings I have left for you I feel that I must separate myself from all of the pain and devastation left in the wake of your decision to go outside your marriage to get your needs met by someone other than your husband. By doing this it will allow me to remember the reason I fell in love with you in the first place and will keep you a small place in my heart that is all your own.

With a love that’s true and founded and is not blown about by the changes of life or with every new wind that blows,

Your loving husband

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 17
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 17
WOW! You letter was touching. If she doesn't wake up from this, then ther is no hope.

Wish I would have written something like this before my love for my W turned to disgust.

Good luck to you.

DD


Been married 7 years, together for 9. Have two precious boys, 2 and 5. Trying to get my family through the most difficult time but it seems impossible.
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 90
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Posts: 90
Wow....that was an amazing letter. It touched me and brought tears to my eyes. I pray your wife will realize and come to her senses.
I am new here (1st post)....I am learning a lot.
Thank you for sharing. Your letter to your wife is absolutely perfect and doesnt need refinement.
Prayers for your family.


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