My husband and I were both Christians when we married over a decade ago, but not very good ones... we never attended any church. Several months ago, I had the desire to start attending church. I invited my husband to go along with me. Bad idea... he had been dropping hints for a few years prior that he was questioning his faith. Once I brought up church, I found out just how far away he had fallen, and just how emotionally charged Christianity is as an issue for him.

Now, it has become his personal crusade to "deconvert" me. (His words.) I left the house a few times on my own, when he threatened physical violence. Another time, he was physically abusive, and kicked me out of the house. On other occassion, he got mad enough at me to leave the house, but came back after several days. We are currently living under the same roof. He has only been physically abusive the one time, but has been continually verbally abusive ever since I brought up church. When I came home the last time, it was because he was starting to realize he was being verbally abusive, and promised he would stop... and I would say, he mostly has.

I know there are marriages out there where a person will convert to their spouse's religion when they get married. But, is it valid for a person to assume that their spouse will follow along with them, with any change in religious beliefs they may have further in life? He seems to think that my failure to deconvert is a sign that I don't love or respect him. How do I get him to realize this is not true?

We did see a marriage counselor at one point, but we stopped seeing the person because my husband didn't like it that the counselor was starting to focus on him and his issues. My husband believes that all our problems are my fault, and I'm the one who needs fixing. I've suggested to my husband that we go see another counselor, but he's not open to that idea.

For background's sake, we are in our mid 30's, we've been married a little over a decade, and we have no kids. I haven't had a chance to read much of the articles on this site. I am posting because the peace we've had lately seems to be unraveling again. I just don't know how to defuse him once he becomes frustrated and angry.

There are signs of some major issues here. 1st and foremost, physical violence is typically a progressive trait, especially, if the object being controlled disobeys.

Next the verbal abuse, again, an attempt to control.

"""I am posting because the peace we've had lately seems to be unraveling again. I just don't know how to defuse him once he becomes frustrated and angry."""

Sadly, in cases of abuse, there is little you can do. Even if you become his perfect little slave, there will always be something. The better you are at catering to him, the more obscure the object of anger becomes.

Since there already has been abuse, 1st and formost you need to ensure that you are safe and make a safety plan in case you need to escape. This would include some hidden money, clothing, and all important documents. One poster kept those in her trunk until the day she finally had to use them. It's sad that someone has to think like that.

wow that is nuts, tell him to accept you. damn that's crazy