I confirmed WS was having A a little while ago. I'm trying to keep my cool and not argue. He assured me it was over. After some investigation I found he may have been with OW 2day. What the heck should I do? He told me it was off and wanted to work things out. However today he was more pessimistic. I don't want to ride the rollercoaster. But this seems like it is going to be work. If any1 has suggestions on finding out OW H, I would appreciate it.

really,

we need more info.

How long has this been going on? Seems like contact has not ended, which explains your WS's (wayward spouse) pessimissm.

The affair has NOT ended.

You cannot recover until this happens.

Have you exposed the affair?

Do you have kids? How long have you been married? Were you having problems before you found out?

Anyway, have you read Plan A or B here?

Hopefully the experts will chime in here.

Anyone? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Well yes and no. We've never really had a good R. We started out with him cheating on me. I held a lot of resentment toward him and didn't act very wifely for a long time. Now that I'm finally over my attitidues he chose to get into another situation. And guess what, she's eveyrhting I'm not. One of our problems has been financial. Seems she is an ace w/ that. Now that I'm trying to be what I should've been he is trying to push me away little by little. We are late twenties with kids. Have been married for 4 years. I don't know that I should try Plan A> He may be right out of the door if I do. Also OW is WS.

bump ^

This is not a great time for answers, really, people here repsond more often on weekdays, so weekends are a bit slow.

Be patient.

Hope orchid or someone can help you, but if not, you will get more responses during the week.

Sounds like you did a lot of self justification because of WH did, because you did not resolve issues to begin with.

I am sorry you are here, but welcome to MB.

I suggest you read His Needs Her Needs by Harley. It might help.

Sounds like your WS was repentant but you did not have the skills and knowledge that you needed to recover early on.

Did you punish your spouse for his infidelity prior to marriage?

Please read this site for all the info. And why would you think that Plan A would repell your WS rather than draw him to you?

I have to go and sleep as I am working tomorrow. Will check in and bump this up for you, and my advise is read, read read and the more educated you are the better you deal with all this.

You will be blessed with a lot of advice here. LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

A Status: Has been going on for some months now
OW: is also WS.
M: Less than 5 years old.
K: have children
My position: want to work on M
WS: Saying he wants to reconcile however behavior is opposite.
EA: became suspicious several months ago
EA revealed: 3 weeks a go, by my investigation and sources

I'm at a lost for words. It is like I'm primatively being taken over to go do something that would be irrational. I don't like feeling like this. I realize that WS has played on my emotions and I feel duped. Also, I'm feeling stress and starting to lose my appetite. This is an experience that I'm not used to dealing with. How do I know if I even love him enough to go through the torture I'm feeling right now. How does one even know if the M is worth saving? Just wondering out loud, I think.

Welcome to MB.

You have come to the right place for help.

Miss M asked an important question about exposure.

Another important question is was there a NC letter?

If not this is a good place to start along with reading everything here and HN/HN.

Good luck and keep posting
Ritz

I'm new at this too, but I'll try to share with you what I've learned since my D-day.

First of all, if you know the OW's name, do a people search on Yahoo, better yet, if you know her home phone number, do a reverse look up on that number and see if you can find out the name the phone is registered under. There's a good chance that it's under her H's name. I know if the OW in my situation was married, the first thing I would have done is expose her to her H. If he is clueless about this, she is just going to go on her merry way with the A and your H, If her H knows and she is shown the consequences of her actions, she may end the A with your H herself.

Since your H is at least claiming he wants to work on the M, I say go with it...I think your situation calls for a really good Plan A. Read up on the articles on this site and educate yourself on the plans. I bought His Needs Her Needs and Surviving an Affair, best money I ever spent I think. Most of all, try to stay calm and don't let the 'freaking out' side of you show to your H.

I think there is a post here somewhere titled "Be still", it really hits home that you need patience to make this work. Of course you're the only one who can decide if you even Want to work on this, because it really is a whole lot of work...Keep posting and God Bless you...

THanks for reply Miss M, ritz, and this_hrts.
Thanks also for the welcome and sharing info. It really helps being that I've been having a hard time with this today. I limit how much info I put in my post because I never know who's lurking. But we've been married for less than 5 years, have kids, EA affair was uncovered 3 weeks ago. Also we haven't done the NC letter. This is a second go round. The first time he hadn't either. A has been exposed to some of my family and he and I have talked about it. We did have probelms before the situaion and were we supposedly going to work through it. BUt we rally hadn't put in enough effort. I'm hopeful to try again. But it threw me for a loop about continued contact. I don't know why. I guess because I do not feel up to trying to work past OW again. Not the same one a differnt one. Anyway this is the sotry. I've written a letter asking WS to stop C with OW. Haven't sent it yet. I'm editing and re-editing it. I'm not sure about it. Still I'm trying to work on things.

Are you going to expose to the OW's H? I think this is very important and should be done at the same time or before you ask H to end contact. Don't give him a chance to bargain with you not to tell her H, just do it..