Just found out… but the story begins 3 years ago.
I posted the long (very long) version on the “Just found” board

We are married for 12 years and have 2 kids, 6 and 8. I am 35 and he is 33.

We always had a good relationship the kind we were both very proud of, not only because we loved each other so much but because we were doing our sexual achievements, we both have sex high drives and the trust on each other to satisfy each other fantasies were our big thing.


3 YEARS AGO, my husband went on a business trip for one month and slept with a woman attending a seminar he had on the first week.

Of course he never told me. But I found out tru an e-mail after he arrived.
I went to all the pain and, even when I told him I wanted but the truth he denied, always. I couldn't divorce him and I had to move on, living in doubt. I have always felt inside me that he did it. But I also gave him the benefit of doubt because I though there was still place for it.

LAST YEAR he started this msm with a girl (in the same business) here, I immediately got suspicious but never found any mail or sms to give him the proof so he woulndt just deny. I waited several months to be sure something was going on, till I quit, tired of it and talked to him. He immediately stoped talking to her. And told me nothing had ever happened between them.

FEW WEEKS AGO - I JUST FOUND OUT

Three weeks ago he meet a woman on a wedding he attended of a professional acquaintance on a Saturday. He comes home late after he last call around midnight telling me he would be home in one hour. He comes home 5 am.

Last week I got a call from a friend telling me that she saw my husband on the middle of the night, Monday 9, on a 5 star Hotel in the other town with another woman.

Can there be more proof then this?

I talked to him that evening, I told him I wanted but the truth once and for all, and since I had a third party proof I wanted him to be the one to tell me the whole truth without me telling him what I had.

He just admited he had sex with her after I told him the name of the Hotel.
He said he slept with her on that Monday, in that town, but not when kid was at risk, he came home and went back to meet her after me and kids at home, and that he went back to that town again just to meet her when he said he would be working at the office.

We spoke last Saturday, he says he loves me and that he doesn't want to loose the relationship and the marriage of 12 years, and the kids and that we are too dependent on each other and that he believes he will never find anyone who love's him as much as I do and that can stand him (he's a very stressed person and hard to live with). He's waiting my decision as he's the one who had done wrong. He asked me to consider one mistake against 12 years of marriage

LAST NIGHT, After I wrote the other post in the “Just found out” I spoke to him and told me all that 's in there.

He was shocked, he said he never though he's actions could have such effect and realised I needed the truth.

He Told me he was drunk that first time 3 years ago.
He told me he slept twice with the girl from the msm, at the beginning and then got away from her but kept the messaging and mails.
He told me he only slept with the last woman once, in that Monday, that he resisted all Saturday.

He told me he had more oportunities to do it with other women and that he had always resisted because he was not interested. He was satisfied sexually and that he had never the desire for other women.

He says he doesn't know WHY he did it. He says he didn't really enjoyed, because of the lack of intimicy, and maybe because he was too nervous and
always felt bad when it happened.

He says he love's me and that he NEVER told me anything because he always though I would leave him in the minute I would know. And that was the last thing he ever wanted. He said he knew and was so sure I'd leave he had never found the corage to tell me. He had never realised that deep inside I would know and never though I was living in such pain and doubt.

He says he's sorry and that he wants to rebuild.
He wants me to fully trust him again and that he's ready to do whatever I ask him to till we reach it ever again.
He said he never really though about the risk of STD's but that he always used a codom. He just never though he should get check up.

He says he just want us to be happy.

And me? What do I want?
I don't know.
I am too hurt and the last 3 years were too damn hard.

I feel relieved that I am not the paranoid insecure woman always in doubt.
But part of me is lost in all of this.

Will I ever be abble to forgive? Forget?
I have been fighting not to leave him the past few days, but… How can I ever trust him again?
He seams sincere now… but he also seamed so sincere all the other times… how do I know?

Is it worth?

I mean who is he? A compulsive liar? Can he ever stop from doing it?
He does not know why it happened how can he assure me he will resist next time?

Do I still love him? I don't know.

How can I ever trust him again? Or do I get the willing power to continue living without trust?


We living in Asia now and planing to stay a few years more... that means no counseling available.