...right about now as a matter of fact, I was anxiously awaiting the short drive to the hospital to have DD by scheduled c-section. I was terrified, absolutely terrified, of surgery. I'd never even had an IV before. So terrified, in fact, that I was crying.

It took them 3 tries to get the IV running, which was awful since I'm bad about needles. After they got the spinal block going and laid me down in the OR, though, I was so excited that all I could say was, "she'll be here any minute!" when H came in wearing scrubs.

So then at 1:13, there she was... pink and beautiful. In the photos we have, it almost looks like she's smiling at me as H holds her near my face. Our little family finally felt like a real family. Mom said I proved to myself and everyone else that I'm stronger than I thought I was.

Here we are a year later, and she's gone from this helpless little creature who only slept and ate to a sweet little person with a very independent, sweet personality. It's been a year of the highest highs and lowest lows of my life. It's staggering to think of all the changes that have taken place in 12 short months, and I'm getting pretty sad thinking about it, remember how wonderful and supportive H was and now isn't. Now I'm trying to prove to myself and to everyone else that I'm stronger than I think I am, again.

But I would do this all again a thousand times if it was the only way to get DD here. She is truly amazing, and having her is the best thing that has EVER happened for me. The light of my life, she is what keeps me going.

Happy birthday to my sweet little, bubbly, bouncing DD!!

[color:"red"]Happy Birthday Big Girl!! [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning SM -

Tell her Happy Birthday for me.

You're blessed to have her, and she to have you.

Georgia

I totally agree with you.

I said the same exact thing....word for word.

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY SWEET BABY!

If this was the ONLY way for me to have had DS....so be it.............then this has all been worth it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Happy Birthday little girl!!

I am in the situation that you are in except I am the BH. My WW has had an affair with man (old enough to be her and nearly my father) at work and turned into an absolute alien being. We have a beautiful 11 1/2 month old son. What would possess a woman (or man) to have an affair at one of the most blessed times in their lives, the birth and growing of a beautiful child. It is beyond me. I cannot reason it and I know you can't either. But like you whether this M is saved or not if this is what it took to get my precious little boy I would do it over again. You hang in there and have a great birthday with your daughter.

Thank you everyone. It probably sounds silly, but I took DD out for dinner for her bday. Went to a kid-friendly, locally-owned place, and she feasted on sweet potato fries and squash casserole. Felt a little odd to be there at a restaurant alone with a baby, but she enjoyed it.

I can't help but feel sad today, thinking about the way I thought they were going to turn out but haven't. Thinking about the way our family SHOULD be but isn't. Thinking about how hard it's going to be for DD to go through this, and worrying about all the uncertainties.

Plus, I'm gearing up for a big party tomorrow afternoon. Most of the people we invited said they are coming, including WH and his parents! I hope it's not too awkward...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL!

she is so pretty btw.

looks like her mom <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

and no...I understand how it is going to a restaurant w/a child alone...been doing it now for three years.

what is normal to me now, may not seem the norm to others and it's fine. I am happy about it. I love being a mom. isn't the the greatest gift?

and just be happy. be fine at the party. the IL's will try to be al "nothing's happened" and act somewhat normally at the party. my IL's are always friendly w/ me at the parties with my ds. but they never even call me or attempt to speak to me during the year.

it's really sad. I remember before the divorce...they said "well we will always be there for you peach. you're loved like our daughter." well is this how they treat a daughter?

just remember that your daughter is having a special day. her dd has not been there. it's your daughters' day and you're the mom. the strong and loving mom. act as a lady and be cool to them.

from now on...unless wh turns around completely...he will always feel as a stranger at these parties...forever!

oh and I had a c section too. emergency one. you did good last year!

Happy birthday to your DD!

You know, I saw your quote above, my DD11 and I went to restaurants alone all the time when she was 18 mos, 2, 3 yrs old... she was always wonderful company!

MSA

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET BABY GIRL!!!!

Hi, Peach. Your ILs sound a lot like mine. I'm so tempted to call them right now. When WH came to pick DD up for HIS party, I saw all the presents he had for her out in the truck. Saw a big gift bag with two cards. One from him, one from OW. I lost it. I said, "Uh uh. I told you DD doesn't need anything from OW. The temporary order says no contact, and that means no presents." He said he'd keep it. After he had the door shut with DD inside, I said, "I'm not trying to be a b about this, but I've asked you to respect my wishes on this before. I think it's pretty bizarre that you're bringing a present from OW to your family birthday party. Now you can either leave it here for me to throw away, or you can give it back to OW." He said he would keep it. I said my lawyer will hear about this. Then he makes a big deal about how he bought the present. I only asked him again to please respect my request.

I am so tempted to call his parents RIGHT NOW to ask them to talk to him. I know it would be stupid to do so, but I am itching to let them know that their precious son is bringing a present to their granddaughter from his adulterous mistress to the party THEY are hosting. Please give me a good reason not to do this...

I have a good reason not to call them. The party and gift is not for you, it is for your daughter. She is only one year old and will not remember who the presents were from anyway. If you call and get everyone else upset, does it really help the situation? It just gives everyone a reason to be mad and frustrated with you for upsetting everyone during and/or before the party. If you don't say anything, your ILs may be irritated when they see the present and speak to their son themselves. If that happens, you are totally left out of the situation. If they don't have a problem with it, (you yourself said they are the hosts of the party) then you should just be the responsible parent here and not mention it to anyone. Take the hurt feelings and anger and ask The Lord to give you peace and comfort during a really difficult day. Turn on some praise music, or read the Word and let Him minister to you. By allowing yourself to get upset and pitch a fit, you are giving the OW control over you. Let it go. . . . .

I think RLD is right.

What I might do (remember, I'm getting divorced......) is look at the card and say "Oh look - something from the ******".

RLD and believer, you'll be happy to know I called a friend instead of the ILs. You are right, and I'm glad I didn't do it. I haven't thought about it the way you mentioned, RLD... that it's giving OW control over me.

I went thru this also.

ow1 and 2 both got my ds presents. and I refused them both. told them to take the presents over to my wh's home...that I had no use for REFUSE (aka trash) at my home.

and it is sad...the ow USE this as a way to make themselves look good.

they're so damaging and they do not know it. they think it's a way to show the ws they are all about the kids...IT'S FOR SHOW ONLY HON...trust me.

you think family values, my xh's ow/w is all about my son? heck no. even after marriage and two ungodly years, she would not even take my ds to the hospital when he could not breathe and xwh was out of town on business...she had to call me and ask what to do...she refused to take him immediately and do the right thing which would have been
1)call peach
2)rush son to hospital while I am on phone and then leave when I got there.

but NOOOO she would not sit in a busy hospital waiting room for me to get there...she would not take HER kids to the hospital.

it's all for show. to nail the ws to the door and push the affair into overdrive.

I hate affair partners.

When WH brought DD back, we talked very briefly about it. I said that while I know no one will ever take my place, I feel very sensitive about OW trying to "horn in" on DD. He said no one is trying to take my place, to which I replied, maybe so, but exposing a child to someone you're dating is not good. When it doesn't work out, the child doesn't understand why that person isn't around anymore, and it's another divorce. He said he understood. Ha, I thought but didn't say... he's not denying it!

I said DD doesn't need anything from OW, and he said that she doesn't have anything from her. What about the Christmas gifts? He said he had them up in the closet.

What about the birthday card? He said it was something to hold onto for later. I said, for you? He said, no for DD. I then told him that I doubted that down the road, DD would want any keepsakes from OW. I told him that I would never say anything bad to her, but she's smart enough to figure it out. He didn't say anything else. Grr... the nerve!! Would YOU want a memento from the HOmewrecker who broke up YOUR family?? I was floored that he said that. How's THAT for fog-ese?

SM:

I understand your anger and extreme displeasure with this all. I really do. I have some personal thoughts about your WH, but telling you them is not going to do you any good.

However.....

If I have to wonder what recourse (if any) you are going to have when your divorce is final? I don't think you can realistically think that your STBXWH is NOT going to introduce new women (or OW) and let them be part of your daugthers life.

I could be wrong, but I think you need to realistic here. I admittedly am not a lawyer (Thank God), but I can't imagine you can realistically bar him from introducing other women to your DD when the divorce goes final.

Yeah, you probably know this already. ]

I was just wondering nonetheless.

Lem

Actually, lem, according to a friend who reviews child support and visitation cases for the court, you can. She said you can put that phrase into the final order, and the offending party would be guilty of contempt of court. You would have to have proof, of course, and it goes both ways, but it is possible.

I just really feel like she is trying to steal my family. First my husband and then my child as well. You may think that's crazy, but when we were friends, she was always fawning over DD. Always bringing a new gift for DD every time she came to visit. At the baby shower, she gave us THREE gifts for DD, including an expensive stroller. OW is older than me and WH by 9 years and she's never had children. She's had a couple miscarriages from BFs in the three years we have known her. Last year, she just up and moved out of state to live with this guy she reconnected with who had a couple young kids. My source tells me she is "desperate to have her own family" b/c her own upbringing was dysfunctional, and she has a history of getting involved with men who have children.