I have another session with Steve Harley on Monday and when I provide him with the new information from discussions with my WW I can almost bet that he will tell me to go to full exposure. I have only confronted my WW and the OM at this point. I believed the OM when he said he would do the right thing and tell my WW it was over and not to be near him (what a fool I was). If this was done (and I doubt it, probably something more like "let's cool our jets a little for now") then it has had no effect on my WW as she still refuses to quite the contract RN job that takes her away from home and our kids over 15 nights per month and places her at the hospital where this man old enough to be her father works routinely as well as a ER MD.

My questions are if I fully expose to OMW and to the hospital HR and to my WW direct superior who employs contract RN's for the hospital, WHAT KIND OF REACTION CAN I EXPECT TO GET (I expect the biggest, tantrum throwing, threatening, angry fit that I have ever witnessed). I expect that she and or he will likely be fired from their respective jobs since the PA took place on hospital grounds on company time. The OMW will likely confront him and who knows what will happen then. My other question is for those that have been through this HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THE WS REACTION AFTER EXPOSURE, HOW DO I PREPARE MYSELF??

Any thoughts from you that have been through this are greatly appreciated. I need help in preparing for what may be the scariest thing I have ever had to do!

I would expose only to OMW to begin with. That will set the ball in motion, I promise. Odds are the workplace will not get involved. You mistakenly assume employers care about this... read the posts, generally, the employer is aware and looking the other way. They know it's not a criminal offense to commit adultery, and so, they really don't have anything to do with what is going on. I also think it's quite wrong of us to assume they should be involved in the whole matter. We can't control our spouses, why should they be able to?

Expose to his wife, don't let anyone know you are doing it. Just meet up with her at random, WITH UNQUESTIONABLE PROOF. She won't want to believe you unless you show it to her. I'm sorry, but that will probably be the hard part. Advise her on a course of action, let her bait the hook for her husband to lie about things, and let her sit back and watch the lies unfold. Explain to her that she needs to understand this is necessary so that she can gain the resolve to fight against all the lies that will spew out of his mouth to keep the affair alive.

Small circles of exposure. The most powerful one and yet the most private is his wife. Tell her immediately.

"I expect the biggest, tantrum throwing, threatening, angry fit that I have ever witnessed"

Well, you are expecting about right. She will say that you are crazy, this is the last straw, she was going to work on the marriage but now doesn't want to, how could you do this to his family, its none of your business, she wants a divorce, and (my personal favorite), she will never trust you again.

My WH foamed at the mouth like a rabid dog screaming all sorts of vile things at me. We were in a public parking lot and for the first time in our marriage, I was physically afraid of him.

They will call you crazy, tell you this is the last straw and they can never be with you again etc

Thanks to you all for the responses. Two things here;

I think the workplace will care since the PA took place on company property during what was supposed to be work hours and that they don't want the hospital or one of their MD's drug through the mud in court should it come to that.

Next, when the **** hits the fan and my WW freaks out and becomes like Linda Blair in the Exorcist what do I say or how do I respond. I would think that no response would be in order or some of Orchid's "reverse babble"?

You have irrefutable proof that she is having an affair. You present it to her. You tell her you will not accept such behavior in your marriage. You don't feel like you have any control, but you have alot more than you realize. You get to choose how you react to things and what you will accept in your marriage. When you realize that, your wife's tantrums won't even phase you. They will probably just piss you off.

As for her threats about whatever... if she says it's over, I'd honestly respond with, 'and that is supposed to worry me? Are you out of your mind? I'd much prefer to be not married than married to a woman who is ahving sex with another man.'

Don't let her intimidate you with her idle threats. It's a secret because she is afraid of losing you. Especially since the OM is married. You have alot of stuff going for you in this one. Don't threaten her, don't react. Be in control. Tell her your conditions, and if she doesn't like them, show her the door. Let her start putting the pressure on the OM to leave his wife. That is when the truth starts speaking, and she realizes he was never intending to leave his wife.

ALL THAT ASIDE. IF IT WERE ME... I'D CALL THE HARLEY'S, YOU HAVE A TON IN YOUR FAVOR HERE.

-hang in there

How did you session with SH go?

Did he recommend exposure? Did you expose?

Feel free to vent here, no matter what happens.

I would be interested in an update as well.

Mr. Wondering

h&P where are you? Let us know you are ok!

If things didn't go as planned let us know and we can try to help you...