In August I discovered that my husband has had an ongoing "platonic friendship" with his ex-wife which has continued for the entire duration of our 11 year relationship (3 years married). Early in our relationship I asked him to choose between "friendship" with his ex-wife or a relationship with me, because I was not comfortable with the fact that she wanted him back (she made this quite clear) and because they have no children together and therefore no reason to continue a relationship. He told me he wanted to be with me and would break it off with her because he didn't want to lose me; told me he DID break it off with her. What really happened was that they agreed to be "friends" behind my back and he continued to lie about it all these years, until I found a lovey birthday card she sent him. He had been carrying it around for a month after his birthday. He SAYS they've only spoken, then he says they hardly spoke - leaving voice mail msgs instead. Because he lied for so long, and then lied when I found the card I'm having a very difficult time trusting anything he says. Oh, and get this... one reason he didn't want to give up his ex is because I had an ongoing relationship with my ex, with whom I have a daughter, which makes me obligated by law to speak with him. What amazes me is that he would risk everything to carry on with his ex like this, and he can't understand why I'm so terribly hurt and upset. He SAYS he has broken up with her since I discovered the truth, but he said the same 11 years ago. I've ordered the MB Home Study Courses but I'm not convinced I can get past the hurt his long-term deceit has caused. I've seen an attorney & would almost prefer to file for divorce and be done with him. Any advice? Thanks, Hurting in CT.
