Well, I haven't been on here lately....but as the saga cont. with all my FWW's false recoveries she has came to the descision to give me a draft of her settlement for D and wants the marriage over so she can focus on her work and return to school to help regain "her self-esteem". This thing has really drug on and Feb. makes 2 years. She still signs e mail to me..."Love you, Deb" and suggests what I should do in the future and says "You'll be better without me me." This isn't what I ever wanted and she says the same...but wishes me happiness and said that "maybe she can be a happy person someday." Thanks folks for all your help and support over the years,and God Bless "us" all.

((((((Welderboy)))))

What's (((()))) that mean?

(( WB ))

is a cyber hug

Well....thanks then, I needed that.

Welderboy - There is only one thing to do - move on and have a nice life. I didn't want a divorce either, but that is what I'm getting. You will do fine, trust me. It is sad to lose the love of your life, but you will find someone who deserves you.

Thanks, the way I feel is that the someone that was once my wife Debby... herself is not around anymore. If she was the person that she had been, and now that I have even became a much better husband and or man....things would be just great. She needs to also forgive me, herself and learn to love Debby again. I'll move on, be fine and only pray for her happiness as well. Better to be hurt by love than to never had loved ....I guess?

WB:

Well, maybe just maybe, your Wayward Wife got it right this time, and what she says above is actually true. Yeah, I know...go figure....but I tend to believe that your multiple time cheating wife is telling the truth above....maybe for the 1st time.

Perhaps this is not what you wanted to hear. I am sorry of that is the case.

Goodluck

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ah...that's just a little tough love, Lem. I respect your opinion and those on here that have all lived this...it's a crappy "club" to be in and I wouldn't wish it on anyone....but if someone has never been in our shoes they don't have a clue. The biggest thing left in this...is that thru the last 2 years and mahy seperations she had never been given a real plan B by me. I have always been there...always. That's the real end to this...I'm not going to be there anymore. Later.

Welderboy,

The problem is that good liars (translation=WS) have that ability because for that 15 or so seconds that it takes for those statements to be uttered........they really, REALLY, believe it.

And then the moment is gone..poof, back to the charade that is their true self.

Welderboy--

Our situations appear to be very similar.

I believe my wife had an emotional affair early in our marriage. I was too young and stupid to see the importance, but we moved -- he was gone -- end of story.

Ten years later, the next affair that I knew about. With another church member. This one was definitely physical and emotional. This one devastated me and has left me forever scarred.

That was about 5 years ago. We've been recovering (I thought), but now she has another affair.

She claims that she can't love me because she can't look at me without remembering all the pain and suffering she put me through. She says I deserve to find someone better than her who can make me truly happy. Despite my protestations that restoring our marriage will make me happy, she continues to claim that she doesn't deserve my love.

After a soon to be resolved medical issue with her health is determined, I will decide on whether to enter a Plan B phase or suck it up and be a meal ticket until this woman I love gets through her treatments.

It's tough, but unless you can make her see that you believe she is worthy of your love and is capable of making you happy, she will continue to run from you.

Wow...it is the same story. My wife after the ending of the affair had a kidney removed. Things were so messed up she was living with her parents and had me meet them in the hospital, Although we was not living together, I held her hand going into surgery and spoon fed her ice coming out. Her family was just cold to me that day.

(((((Welderboy)))))

One from me too!

Why were the WW's parents so "cold" to you?

Lem

Welderboy,

Ok, I think what is about to happen probably should happen. It is sad, but she is trying to make herself feel good by saying this is for your own good. It is the way of things.

But, WB, ALL of this will be a total waste unless YOU have learned something from all of this. What is it that you have learned about women, relationships, and marriage? What changes do you see in yourself? How do you see yourself acting in a new relationship that would be different from this marriage?

Please think about these things. If there is ANYTHING good to come from this, it HAS TO BE what you have learned. It is time to reflect on these things.

God Bless,

JL

WB - why not try a proper Plan B if you never have? In your own words, you have always been there for her. Isn't it worth a shot being as you really don't appear to want a D?

My WH has major kidney problems too. Messed up bodies = messed up minds. Seen that so often here on MB. Best of luck. TT

First to answer the "cold" question....her family is old school...you hurt one of us, we'll all stick together kind. So super close that everything that ever happened in our marriage was openly shared with her whole family. As for what I've learned is incredible, that time is the best thing anyone can spend on someone. I also reflect back that everything was best when we prayed and worshiped the Lord through church. We slipped. I also pushed her into a stressful job on my fear of not having enough money and also closed myself away from her when my physical needs were not being met.I've spend alot of time reflecting these last 2 years. I enjoy helping more with home things and just wish I knew then what I do now. Yes, there is some good here.

Well, I left out the biggest thing....things can come out of my mouth that can't seem to get back. My hurtful tongue...I guess if I can forgive, her...things I said could be forgiven also.Many people look at our marriage and it looked bad, but truly it has been way better than bad and W also admitts this. She is just as shaky as I with the decision but feels it's not what she wants but is best. As for the plan B....we could never stay apart. I think 5 days maybe 6 was the longest we have ever had NC.

Good morning...W or FWW and I had a lenghty phone talk last night....she then send me a email thanking me for a nice talk. She said for the 1st time in years that she felt that the Lord had brought us together that I could learn about him and become a better man. See, in the beginning of our relationship nearly 9 years ago it was her that had me in church and becoming saved and we then later after marriage slipped away. She asked me to pray about this decision and was truly caring. Yes, there is good in everything.

I am sorry that you may be heading for divorce but I have a tough time accepting this at face value.

First, you will be better without her? Why does that get to be her choice? You are better positioned to decide that than her and you could have made that choice long ago.

Sometimes I think people - especially religious people - tend to self-punish. They seem to have no problem believing God forgives others but cannot accept that God forgives them. They feel like they should be punished and, since God won't do it, they do it themselves. The problem is they can't avoid punishing those around them at the same time. It is very destructive. I know because I do (did) this very thing all my life until I finally understood what forgiveness truly meant.

Based on what you have written in this thread, it just seems like there is something more that is not being said.

Another possibility is (excuse me for saying this) that she has decided she will be better without you and wants to move on. Either way, I don't think she is telling you the truth - at least not the whole truth.

I would just suggest you be careful how you react to this revelation.