Is anyone experiencing their WS being terribly angry (short in conversations, bitter, never smiling, etc) when they speak with you even though there has been really nothing happen to justify that (i.e. - no LBing, no DJ, no fighting, etc). My WW (had EA/PA, likely still in at least an EA at work) is angry and bitter at the world. Of course, I noticed it more when I recently began to get a life again, hanging out with friends (male and female), having some fun, acting as if I am happy, etc. What's happening in this dynamic?

Sounds like she is still having an affair. They are very nasty when the affair is ongoing.

Have you exposed her affair?

Have a session with Steve tomorrow. I expect that he will advise to expose to OMW at the very least. I confronted WW and OM (by two phone calls) and the OM seemed very scared that he and she had been found out (has a lot to lose) and promised (I know they are both liars!) to tell my wife it was over and to stay away from him. Well my wife when I confronted her a week or so ago said that they were not seeing one another (of course they still work at the same hospital where the EA/PA took, taking place). I ask her if she wanted to seem him and her comment was "we talked and agreed that its best we not see each other for now". Doesn't sound that the OM was that convincing to my WW so therefore I think it is time that his lovely bride know what's going on (I want to tell if for no other reason than its the right thing to do and she deserves to know irregarless of the fall out on the A). I have also contemplated telling the workplace (already have the letter typed to HR mgr.) since the A is between a Doctor, OM and my WW, contract RN (he 57, she 34, yuck!), but think I will let the OMW see what she needs to do first. In the end will follow SH advice tomorrow.

Well, sit back and relax. You have the best in Steve. He will give you great advice and figure out what needs to be done. I say exposure, but I'm no expert. Also your wife needs to stop working there.

You know that this will never last, so try to get through this.

It is extremely important to get out and do things. However I hope you are avoiding other women.

Well, I want to commend you on coming around on this.

Every minute that you DON't expose this affair is an additional minute that YOU become an accomplice to the life destruction of this affair. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want that on "my soul" no matter what anyone told me....world renowned expert or not.

The letter to the hospital is a good idea and should already be in the mail...what are you waiting for? Permission to do the right thing? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

While the letter may get your cheating wife fired from her contract job, you'll see that your marriage can eventually survive that....it CANNOT survive a continued affair with the good doctor.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I will say this on the record up front BEFORE you get an official recommendation tomorrow.....YOU don't NEED someone else to legislate to you morals or the "right thing to do"...that has to come from within.

You want to be an accomplice to an affair? Every second you wait here...you let a woman (OMW) live a lie and take away choices from her. Yeah, I have no doubt you will find people who will find a way to rationalize keeping quiet (if that is what is advised)....BUT, in the END, you'll live with the karma and consequences of YOUR ACTIONS.

Just some food for thought. It is great to have experts and people well versed in counseling who can help us save our marriages....BUT we also SHOULDN'T NEED anyone to make moralistic choices for us. Think about that for a second and understand the difference.

Goodluck,

Lem

I think you both are correct. I have told my wife that there could be no "us" as long as she works at that place (not just the A, but is away from our kids (9 yo and 11 mo old) over half a month, job and new "friends" have turned her into white trash from a church going, giving and loving woman, etc...)

I do intend to expose to OMW and think I probably should have three weeks ago plus when I finally confirmed the A (going on since sometime in the late Oct. timeframe). I am leaning towards sending the letter I have already drafted and had reviewed by my attorney to the HR manager as well.

You are correct there may be a chance to save the marriage with the A partner waiting in the wings (I think he has lied to my WW and she is just a piece of A** to him) or so she thinks. And, time away from that job would also give her time away from that atmosphere and terrible friends of influence.

Thank you both for your great advice. This board has been a life saver.

Hope, here's a good thread on exposing that worthatry put together. You might cruise through it for some pointers.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

Good luck. Being proactive is the only thing that will kill an affair dead.

hap, this is typical of how all WS act in some form or another. As BS we have all seen it and it really sucks to have to live through it. This will not change until the A is long over so be prepared for a long hard fight.

These A's all end at some point or another, but you can increase the chances of killing sooner by exposing.