My friends tell me this is common. Maybe, but I'm not so sure that makes it ok. I have no objection to getting a little crazy in the SF arena. My objection to p*rn is that it seems to de-sensitize a person to monogomy &/or enforce the idea that the hottest SF is w/ strangers or 3 people or whatever. It seems that it encourages behavior that, at least for me, is not ok in a committed relationship. Am I overreacting? Do most guys watch this and it's not a problem?

Also, what is the deal with all the p*rn and n*de pictures promoting "teenagers" and "barely legal" and other such things. If a guy tends to look at girls that are appear like they are 16-18 years old, does that indicate a problem with him? I find it very creepy. Again, my friends say the "young thing" is very common as long as it's not children (obviously). Personally, I find it dysfunctional that men are attracted to teenage girls. It's one thing if the couple is 30 and 50, for example, but a whole different thing if one person in the couple hasn't even finished growing up. I can look young for my age and get carded at times, but when older guys hit on me thinking that I'm 19 it makes me wonder what is wrong with them mentally.

ok - am I overreacting?

My 47 yr. old exWS had an affair with a 21 yr old, that others said looked more like 16. The OW was the same age as his oldest son. She was also 7 months pregnant when I found out about the affair.

My 20 yr old son was over to my place with a few of his 20 yr old friends the other day. I stepped back and took a look at them.....and thought, "oh my gosh...they're just kids, just like the OW was when she and my exWS got together!" It's like seeing it in such a concrete way really hit home about the age differences.

My WH was into porn and his MOW is much younger (21 on d'day, probably 18 when A began) and willing to engage in the 3-way SF and other stuff, which she bragged to kids was the reason H liked her better than me (a real class act she is!).

Anyway, I agree that porn is everywhere, but that doesn't mean it's anything but harmful to marriage. Maybe there's an acceptable amount of porn viewing but personally, I'm not comfortable with any for the reasons you mentioned.

I doubt their age is even a part of the thought process..When a guy goes to a strip bar - and he's watchin all that flesh jiggling around - do you think he's wondering how old she is???? I highly doubt it..hmmmm - maybe I should ask my WH what he's thinking about when he sits there for hrs. LOL....



My 2nd husband and I watched porn together and I know I never thought about having sex w/a stranger or a 3 way. I dont' think he did either - as far as I know he was not a WH. but, he did enjoy sex and had few inhibitions in the bedroom..It's not like we watched it for hrs. It can serve a purpose...

I'm a full blooded guy and I don't think you're over reacting.


Most guys do not watch porn. Period. Or ---- I am really naive.

That said, I had a subscription to Playboy many years ago. If there's a copy in the barber shop, I might thumb through it today. But this is a far cry from hard core porn or pedophilia.

Bottom line - I think it's abnormal to be obsessed with porn to the point one seeks it out on the internet, etc.


Men are attracted to the female form. We're hard wired for it. But being attracted to teenage girls to the point of acting on that attraction is abnormal in this guy's view. Acting on attraction to women much younger than ourselves indicates to me a lack of maturity and self esteem doubling as arrogance.

JMHO

Les see, do I need a haircut? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

this is interesting....my STBXH said that if men were honest they would all admit to wanting sex with lots of different people ("sex is like a good meal,it's nice to share it with many people")..Over the year's he has (tried) to convince me that ALL men think like this, and only society and the institution of marriage etc has controlled or put up boundires to prohibit (or at least try to) this basic male instinct.
I've always found this profoundly depressing...

"my STBXH said that if men were honest they would all admit to wanting sex with lots of different people"

I am glad he is your STBx!

I don't think that is true. If men wanted to have sex with lots of different women for life...they would. Plain and simple. Marriage and monogamy are not mandatory regardless of what society pushes. Men are free to sleep around forever if they wish, no strings attached.

And I think most men DO sleep with lots of different women when they are younger. And I think it gets to the point that as much as their biology draws them to women, and their looks, and their bodies, and to sex....eventually with maturity men want more out of life than meaningless sex. They want an emotional connection, just like women do. They want the satisfaction of having a woman to care for and love and who respects, admires, and cares for him too.

I hope you don't let that X sour your outlook. He was probably just trying to make his own warped self feel better by saying 'we all think it, they rest of them just won't admit it'. I don't even think the vast majority of men are like him. Tho once we come across one like him, it is hard to see the good ones for what they are. GOOD MEN!

When I was 15...I "dated" a man who was in his 30s. Looking back, he was a pediphile of sorts...and too immature to get a 'real woman' (twice divorced and immature as all get out) so he targeted a young girl who had low self esteem (an easy target for sure) and who didn't know any better.

Men may think young girls are hot, merely for the way their body looks IMO (his biology probably can't distinguish age unless it is flatout noticiable) That is why God gave them brains and a conscious.

If he is seeking them out intentionally for the thrill/taboo factor through porn or otherwise...that isn't a good thing IMO.

That isn't to say that a man's biological urge to be drawn to look at women automatically shuts off when he says 'I do'. For most I think it takes time to override that instinct.

Just me thoughts! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The key here is "Acting". Men are capable of viewing SF like any other recreational activity...because, you gotta admit, it's darn fun.

So, it's like dringing too much beer or engaging in any other fun vice. To excess, it's very damaging.

Mature men ARE capable of exercising self control, as much as they enjoy engaging in these vices.

Women are similar...they just have different vices...which they, of course, do not recognize as being nearly as bad as men's proclivities.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the replies. Here's a specific instance:

Let's say there's a guy in his early 30s, and he looks at [email]pl@yboy[/email] & watches [email]p@rn[/email] sometimes, which generally depict adult women. Now let's say he also purposely gets onto the internet and opens up websites called things like "teenage girls" and "high schools hotties" or whatever. So, he's not just looking at the female form, he is purposely seeking out sites that portray women who appear to be teenagers (whether they are or are not is another story.) Does that indicate a potential problem? That seems a bit pedophile-ish to me, but again, maybe it's not different than [email]pl@yboy.[/email] thoughts??

LowOrbit -- you said: "Women are similar...they just have different vices...which they, of course, do not recognize as being nearly as bad as men's proclivities.." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Ok, I'll bite (& I do want to know), what are these vices from your point of view? I'm here to learn more. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Nev,
I'm with you! And there have been several threads and discussions on this topic.
Although I DO agree that we men and women are different-the point was made as to whether or not a man CHOOSES to act on these impulses.
I'm sorry, I'm not attracted to any high school boys, however I have dated a few guys that were 8-10 yrs younger than me. Obviously, they went no where. It wasn't about SF either (OK, I may be a little immature for my age!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
My X was addicted to porn. That's all he did all day. He was obsessed with it. My question for you is: How do YOU feel about it? Because really, that's all that counts. If it creeps you out, then it isn't okay with you.
I HAVE to believe there are some guys out there that don't get into porn, that don't go to strip clubs, and hopefully at least one will think I'm just the hottest thing he's ever seen! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
One of these younger guys I dated had a tape that was somewhat toned down. I watched it with him. He knew more about it than me, but he said there are tapes that are made specifically for married couples that do not have all that other stuff, that it's just the one couple- have never researched it, but I would think there could be some that aren't the wife with the pool boy, etc. If there are-I'd be okay with that. But that's about the extent of it for me. Call me a prude, I don't care, but I'm not going to do anything that makes me feel creepy, nor am I going to be with anyone that does things that makes me feel creepy!
So, again, I say, it's a problem, if it's a problem for you! Make sense?

I have never seen the point of watching porn or indulging in it in any way.

I would be suspicious of anybody who regularly watched or used porn.

To this guy it does.

Young women or not, I personally do not see the appeal of "habitual" porn. Period. It just doesn't turn MY key.

I say "habitual" because I DO believe that it's normal for a guy to take notice of attractive, nude women and to even take a long, second look. But then just to smile, thank mother nature or the Creator or whom ever the guy thinks is responsible for delivering such an art form and go about his day. That said, I find no appeal whatsoever for seeing anything to do with sex acts or anything that is commonly referred to as hard core porn. I can bracket it all this way: I will, without shame, page thru a Playboy mag if the opportunity presents itself. I do not buy them (anymore <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />). Anything beyond that I find no appeal in and ANYTHING to do with children or "young" women I think is sick.

Hope this helps.

WAT

Guys watching/into porn... for me it means - no commitment possible, and some sexual performance problems...
Guys only liking much younger women... immature, not liking themselves, scared of life, superficial, and treating sex as sex not as making love...
The same re: women with the same problems...

Hi -

Any guy past adolescence who would seek out or contribute to, or even look at - "without shame" - women in photos or situations that he wouldn't want to see his own wife, sister, or daughter in, just doesn't have the maturity and empathy to be a top quality husband and father imo.

My ex-bf had a subscription to Maxim when he was younger, he only stopped it b/c he didn't like a particular article they did on the Pope (unflattering of course, in Maxim), but the fact that he went so far as to subscribe to that stuff, even as a younger guy, was just a turn off for me. (I broke up with this idiot b/c he defended married men going to strip clubs, btw.)

It might be true that men are visual, but quite honestly, I think that conventional "wisdom" is 99% of the time just an excuse for selfish and unloving behavior.

So, long story short, there's a reason this stuff gives alot of women the creeps - for me, it was a weedout mechanism. Looking back, I can see that my ex didn't have the maturity, judgment, or character to be a good h and father. There were smaller red flags along the way, but it was really my aversion to raunch that caused our breakup, much to MY benefit <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Best of luck -

Get a grip. You'll never find a man good enough for you.

Best of luck -

Why guys like this stuff?

Porn is easy. Porn is predictable. Porn women can be turned on/off with the click of a remote or mouse. Porn is always ready, never tired, and endlessly variable.

It is excitement without a relationship.

It is an escape from reality.

A man who would never ever consider being gay or being a pedophile IRL feels freedom to explore that in porn because it's NOT REAL to them (they conveniently ignore that real people and children made those pictures). There is low risk.

Personally, I think it's immature behavior, like binge drinking or any other escape behavior.

Mature people seek relationships with people who can engage with them as equals in a grown up fashion.

The immature and stunted will seek out the easy thrill. They'll seek relationships with the young so they can feel in control.

I think about these kinds of false relationships and compare them to the one I have with my optometrist. She is a very well groomed, size 22 with wonderful eyes. Some men might write her off from across the room, but they would be missing a thrilling experience...she has an incredible mind. She doesn't put up with the typical bull that men toss out and has called me on it...but she can do it without cutting off my cajones...so that I want to stay engaged with her. She has told me that she enjoys talking with me because I don't tuck tail and run when she challenges me. I love talking with her because we're able to interact as REAL ADULTS rather than scared kids trying to feel each other out. We have "chemistry".

Edited to add: If I were looking for an example of someone who can illustrate the difference between a woman and a girl, this lady would be it. She is woman in every sense of the word.

When I'm ready to date again, she is on my short list.

Porn is so weak compared to that...

Wonderfully said LowOrbit.

I love your description of your optometrist & your relationship with her.

If I may ask, why aren't you dating? By your description of your feelings for your optometrist & about porn it sounds like you have a clear, healthy understanding of an adult relationship.

I am not yet divorced. Only separated as of November of last year. I'm not ready to date...neither legally or emotionally.

It has been a huge temptation for me to start dating...my STBXW already is. But I know I'm not ready yet.

Oh, OK. So, how's the divorce going?

It's a hideous process where you're entire marriage is broken down to dollars & cents. Seems to bring out the worst in many people.

I'm very pleased my divorce is final. I feel like my future is wide open.

My ex has now moved in with his girlfriend. But the positive thing is my boys like her & it appears she's been welcoming to them & so has her family. I've heard so many horror stories of gf or new wives being unkind to the kids I'm grateful my boys are happy to be around her.