New here, Just found out 12/22/05. what a way to spend christmas. WW admitted to having affair with OM. Wont tell me who it is. But i have my suspects. WW and I seperated in our own home. WW slept in one room and I in the other for about a week till she decided to move in with girlfriend. Girlfriend went out of town for month. WW went to vist her for a weekend and friend told WW that she didnt want to help her hide from her problems.WW didn't know where to go. She didn't want to come home cuz she wants her space and time to figure out what she wants. Suspected OM works with WW Girlfriend and were on the same bussiness trip together that WW went to visit girlfriend on. WW came home from weekend trip very happy and moved out of Girlfriends house into best male friends house who shares house with suspected OM. So WW is staying in same house as suspected OM. Have found many sexually suggestive text messages from OM on WW phone. To lead me to believe he is the OM. Also he fits alot of things that WW has told me about this OM when she first told me about the affair. OM is married but wife lives in different state. dont know if OMS knows about the affair if in deed the OM is the man I suspect. Want to be able to shed some light on this affair and bring it out in the open but not sure how especially if I don't know for sure who the OM is. Want to hire PI but can't afford it. I love my wife and want to reconcile our M. WW has told me many times that the OM has moved and is no longer in the picture but for some reason I have to believe that he hasnt, and is still a big part of her life. Any help or opinions with any aspect of my situation would be great. thanks for listening. whom ever reads this.

Broken,
Welcome to MB, sorry that you are here, and sorry for the timing of your D-Day. I had a D-Day right before Christmas in 2004, and it sucks terribly.

It sounds like you know who OM is... how much proof do you need? We all only have so many people in our lives, it makes sense by circumstantial evidence if nothing else. How's your poker face? I ask because the surest way to get her admission is to act (BLUFF) as if you already know and have the proof that you "don't want to disclose right now"... you just pretend that you did hire a PI and bluff. I am reasonably sure you could pull this off.

She has told you many times that the OM has moved, and denies that OM is the one living in this best male friend's house? She's clearly trying to throw you off the scent of the trail.

Why is OMW in another state? How far away? How long has it been like that?

How long have you been married? Children?

Do you think the bluffing thing would work? If so, then you can go straight for exposure to OMW. Never believe anything that WW or OM-thru-WW tells you about OMW, talk to her yourself. They will tell you she already knows and doesn't care, or she filed for divorce, yada yada yada... don't believe them, they don't have a vested interest in your or OMW knowing the whole truth, and they CERTAINLY don't want the 2 of you comparing notes. Do OM and OMW have children together?

MSA

I never thought about bluffing like that. WW is pretty smart not saying that I am not, but pretty sure that she would be able to see right thru it. I dont have any solid proof that the suspected OM is actually the OM.
Both the OM and I are in the Military. OMW is in other state due to school. OM and OMW have only been married for a short amount of time. maybe 5 months if that.OMW is pretty far from me, and I dont have OMW number or anyway to contact her if in fact OM is her H. OM and OMW have no children.
WW and I have been married for 3.5 years know each other for 12 and been together for 4.5. No children. just a house and our dogs. I went overseas for 9 months in 2003 right after WW and I were married and it cause much seperation between us and it has been a hard trip since then. WW says that feelings for me died when I came back from overseas and have not been the same since I left. WW says that I have changed and she doesnt know who I am. When I do have hard evidence of the OM I will be exposing it to OM's OMW, and OM's Commanding Officer, and all other friends or so-called friends that knew about it and are involved.
I think I might ask a good friend of mine to do some surviellance of the WW, OM and male friends house to see if he can come up with anything. What do you think Mrs-Stowaway. thanks for the help.

Make sure when and if you do expose that his 1ST Sgt, Commander, and IG are notified. The more heat the less likely they will brush it away. You might just go ahead and contact his 1ST Sgt now with your "concerns" (make sure it is also in writing). The OM may state that nothing is going on but he would have to explain why he is living with a married military spouse!! At least it would force your wife to move out and possibly back in your home..mad of course. The military looks the other way when it Military on civilian but when its military on military that hits home!!! Just a thought!!

P.S. ask your 1ST Sgt what he thinks about this situation. all 1ST Sgt's know each other and the ball might get rolling that way.

inlikeflynn:
thanks for the idea. I hopefully have a meeting tomorrow with my commands CMC. I will mention to him and see what his reaction is and where he thinks as far as the military I should go. If I don't get a care out of him. you bet I will be writing a letter to the OM's CO/XO It just happens that the male friend of WW who is also living in the house is in the military and in is my same command. Just might have to bring that up tomorrow also. thanks for the idea. Still can't figure out a way to make sure that the suspected OM is actually the one. I just put a keylogger on my computer. WW comes home every once in a while to say hi and check her email. Looking forward to seeing it too.

HI broken,

Welcome to MB. One thing to keep in mind. Keep as much stuff as you can to yourself until you know for sure that he's the guy. If you hint at it and someone else starts spreading it, then you could be the one in deep doodoo.

Be careful who you talk to until you're ready to drop the nuke.

Blessings.

S&C

Im trying to keep as much as I can to myself. I guess the more I tell the better I feel. But I have never revealed whom I think the OM is. Thanks for the thought and the blessings. Need lots of them.

broken,

Telling and venting here is ok. I mean with regards to those around you. If WW gets wind, she'll try to head it off by trying to convince people you're a bit off balance (if you know what I mean?).

Just make sure you can trust who you tell until you are ready to drop the nuke.

Bless you.

S&C

just found out from good source of who the OM is. WW told this friend straight from her own Mouth. Suspecting that WW is still have affair with OM. What do I do next. Do I need to Expose it. Where do I find an Exposure letter.

There is no exposure letter, just contact everyone involved all at once, same day, DO NOT LET WW KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS JUST DO IT.
Google the OMs name and see if you get an address and phone number, you will also need to know what state OMs W is in and get her # also, then contact OMs W. Also go as high as you think you need to go, IG or MAJCOM IG if necessary. Hang em High!

Broken, You are getting sound advice here. Do you have internet access to your W's cell phone record, or can you get it? Is the cell in your name? If you can gain access to this I believe you will have all the answers to any questions you may still have. Also some very solid proof.

Here is a link to some free to cheap options to gather proof.

Spying 101


Keep in mind you are in the drivers seat!

broken,

Here is an example of an exposure letter. Pretty generic.


One of the best things you can do is to read over the concepts here on this website and learn from them.

Keep posting and some of the veterans will start coming out to help. Now that you know who OM is, don't jump the gun, Use the info wisely. Read the concepts here and get Survuving An Affair (SAA), His Needs Her Needs (HN/HN). Torn Asunder is also a good book.

Sorry your here, but this is a good place to heal and start restoration.

Bless you.

S&C

all great advice. I know where the OM lives and shouldn't be hard to find address. Just sent email to who I believe the OMW is, but not diclosing any info just a note telling her that I am a friend of OM and that I want to surprise him with something and need her help. Have list of all who i will be exposing to. All people who I think WW will turn to for help. used spy 101 and installed keylogger on home computer, cant wait to find out how it works and all the evidence that I can come up with. Not going to jump the gun and am waiting for the most opportune time to drop the bomb. WW has no clue what I know. hoping to keep it that way. But still loving her and letting her know that I am here for her no matter what.
Can my phone company give me detailed text messages that were sent and a itemized list of numbers?
thanks for all the help. Hope to get more soon.

broken,

Here's a link that might help. WAT's real sharp about this stuff.

WAT's world famous post

Hope it helps.

Blessings.

S&C

Did the OM turn out to be the person you suspected?

according to my latest source it is the person that I suspected. Looking for concrete evidence though.