I'd like to chime in one small suggestion on things that helped out in my situation.

When my wife's EA was ongoing...when she was living in a motel room waiting on the flight for her to go move in with OM...even before that, when I just SUSPECTED what was going on...I kept one thing in mind in my prayers.

I asked God to do His will in our situation. I didn't ask Him to change my wife's heart and make her come home. I didn't ask Him to make anything specific happen in our situation. I asked for Him to help all of us do what He wanted to do...that if His plan was to heal my marriage, then I asked that He give the strength and wisdom to my wife to make the choices she needed to...and even give the strength to OM to let go. And if He decided that our marriage was at an end...that He give me the strength and wisdom to do what He wanted and let it go.

And I truly saw plenty of signs from God during that time telling me what He wanted. She didn't get on the plane...OM told her not to come. We've reconciled, and we're still together, with OM now almost two years out of the picture.

Give this some thought...both of you. Simply pray for God's will to happen here...go to His word and read it for guidance...pray and LISTEN to what He tells you.

FH,

I've been thinking about this post. I hadn't responded to it because I wanted to contemplate it. I don't know that I've gotten all of the wisdom from it that I should, but I wanted to mention some things that have appear to be confirmations of your counsel.

When I spoke to my wife yesterady morning, well before your post, I used the analogy of taking my eyes off of the Lord, like Peter and Jesus.

I know that it's not a big thing to mention the parable of the prodigal son when there is a discussion of a believer choosing a course that is contrary to God's will, but it still struck me because one of the books I've recently read, "Choosing Forgiveness" by John and Paula Sandford, subtitled the second chapter (I think) "The Pigpen Delima."

Also, the direction to Phil 4 that you provided in the above post took on a new meaning for me this morning, as I was reading ahead in a book that my wife and I have begun to read. It's called "Marriage Makeover: Minor Touchups to Major Renovations" by Dr. George Kenworthy. I read ahead and read Chapter 3 (we've been reading it outloud together) this morning, and it was about Phil. 4.

Like I said, I still haven't really begun to plumb the depths of what I need to get out of the passage, so I'm not ready to comment on it substantively, but I just wanted to share these confirmations.

Also, I asked, kind of rhetorically, how does one teach forgiveness. I do appreciate your answer. I think it's a helpful practical application. The book I mentioned above, "Choosing Forgiveness" goes into that particular question in depth... And a central point it makes early in the book makes another remarkable connection with something you said before (sorry I forgot to mention this above), and that is that to really begin the process of forgiving, you need to start with a "Garden of Gethsemane" mindset... Anyway, what I wanted to get to was that this is like the old saying about being able to lead a horse to water but not being able to make it drink. Crystal agreed to read the book, but she hasn't yet. And, when I asked her what she thought about the "Marriage Makeover" book, she indicated that it's nice, but she doesn't really believe it will apply to us.

Oh well... In the first chapter of the Marriage Makeover book, Dr. Kenworthy presents 3 questions:

(1) Do you believe in God;
(2) Are you willing to apply His principles as revealed in His Word to your life; and
(3) Are you willing to pray that the Holy Spirit strengthen you and your spouse?

He said that if a couple he counsels can honestly answer "Yes," to all 3 questions he can 100% guarantee that their marriage will be saved.

I asked Crystal how she would answer those questions (this was right after she said she didn't believe the healing and restoration the book highlights and teaches will apply to us), and though it looked like it was almost painful for her, she finally said, "Yeah, I guess."

So... Baby steps. FWIW, she said that the way I've been helping and taking care of things around the house *has* started to put back some of the "points" I'd lost during the weekend's dischord.

Baby steps.

Well... Since Philippians has kept coming up, I've decided that perhaps it's especially important in where I am with respect to God and my wife.

So, and I invite your insignts (FH, MM, JL, or whomever may want to add insight) -

I've started with Phil Chapter one and have created an outline of how to pray for Crystal based on verses 1-11. Here it is.

(1) Thank God EVERY time I think of her.
(2) ALWAYS pray with JOY.
(3) Be CONFIDENT that God will CONTINUE His work in Her.
(4) Pray that Crystal's LOVE may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight (i.e. love that leads her towards God)
(5) Pray that She may DISCERN what is BEST.
(6) Pray that she may be (become) pure and blameless (by being empowered by the Love God gives her that prompts her to seek Him and guided by the Discernment God gives her to know what's best)
(7) That she may be FILLED with the fruits of RIGHTEOUSNESS
(8) That she may lead a life that glorifies and praises God.

Items 4-8 above are the "what to pray" but items 1-3 are the "how to pray." It's these areas that I'm specifically seeking God's reformation in my life. How do I "ALWAYS pray with JOY"?

I think I have a partial answer... Maybe it will be the entire answer as it sinks in. The Marriage Makeover book I previously mentioned discussed the need to have a sense of the awesomeness of God when faced with adversity. It had a little quote that spoke to me:

Big God = small problems;
Small God = big problems.

How arrogant is it of me to forget the one who created the universe is, in deed, on the side of saving this marriage, and not trust Him to move when and how it's needed? Maybe I just forgot that He loves me enough to take notice. That's easy to forget when you're a Christian in a floundering marriage.

Sorry for rambling.

TD -


That is a tough question. I'd like to point you to James 1:2-4 -

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." (NKJV)

Yes, it is hard to pray with joy at all times. For me, it helps to look at the good things that are happening, and the better things that will happen.

What good things? Well, you are actively seeking God in your trial. Nothing but good can come of that. As you submit yourself to God, He will make in you a new man. He is doing that in me (if MP were actively posting here she could confirm that). God will hear your pleas for yourself, your wife, and your marriage.

When you come out of this trial, with a hopefully rebuilt marriage, you will have something better than you can ever imagine. Yes, this trial is unfortunate, but instead of looking at what you stand to lose, or what you have lost, try looking at what you stand to gain and have gained - a personal relationship with our Lord, Jesus. A new and improved you. A happier wife. A stronger marriage. A living, breathing example of how God can and will work in people's lives that your children will see and appreciate.

I think you are on the right track, TD. I would strongly recommend that you get a copy of Stormie Omartian's "Power Of A Praying Husband" - it's an easy read and chock full of good information for us (at times) clueless husbands.

Let me share a bit of my personal history on how powerful God can be in a marriage. Neither of my parents were Christians when they got married. My mom got saved when I was 3 or 4 years old (IIRC). Dad remained an Agnostic, but fully supported mom in her church-related activities, and mine.

My mom never preached at him. She lived her life as the best Christian she could, and would answer questions from dad from time to time and give him encouragement.

Dad passed away in early 2001. But several months before he did, he finally gave his life to the Lord. After nearly 30 years of mom being a Christian, I remain convinced to this day that it was primarily her example that finally won my dad to God.

I do not know if mom actively prayed for dad's salvation (mom has also passed away, so I can't ask her), but I'm pretty sure she did. I know she spent 10 years praying for me to get my lazy butt back in church <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Set your sights on God, follow His will, do what He asks you to do. God will work on the rest, including your wife.

What you're going through is tough - noone here will deny that. Just remember, no matter what, God will take care of you.

TD-

I'd like to suggest another little book...very small, each chapter is only a few pages filled with VERY useful information, a prayer, the bible references it was taken from, and suggested practical applications. Our MC recommended it to us, and my wife and I went through it by reading one chapter a night before bed...discussing it and praying it together. It was instrumental in our recovery. Our MC wasn't completely 'biblically based'...but he knew we were Christians and heartily recommended this to us.

It's called "20 (Surprisingly Simple) Rules and Tools For a Great Marriage" by Dr Steve Stephens. You can probably find it at your local Christian book store in the marriage/couples section.

He's a teacher.

I realized that's my dominant perception of God.

I suppose we all have a dominant image of God. Some may see Him as a Judge, some may see Him as the Great Craftsman, but me, I see Him as the Teacher. I guess, Professor, or Dean may be more appropriate.

I don't know about you, but no matter how much I liked my teachers, there was always a certain amount of distance. Teachers can be relied upon by students, and they can even be fairly good friends, but they're not peers, and they're not family...

Maybe that's why I enjoyed school so much. Perhaps I was substituting my desire to get close to The Teacher with spending time learning from other teachers. I didn't waste my time... I'm a good student, and the teacher's all like me, but we're not family.

I guess that explains why I always had the faith to go to God when I was in trouble, but felt like I had to work the problems on my own until I had tried everything I could think of doing.

I guess it's better than thinking of Him as a Cosmic Taskmaster, but still I see my perception of Him was too shallow to allow me to enter in to His presence with confidence on a regular basis to actually establish a deep personal relationship with Him.

I'm trying. I'm learning. I'm growing.

"I'm trying. I'm learning. I'm growing."

TD, you are doing fine. You are early in the journey, so let me caution you to NOT begin to crave an end to the journey NOW. The path you are talking is charted by GOD and will take as long as God knows is needed. Beware of enticing "side trips" or seeming "short cuts." You'd be amazed at how many lead to being "lost in the country" or stopped by "dead ends" where God has THOSE areas "under construction" too. Then you have to backtrack just to get back to where you were before the detour and you find yourself and your marriage having to endure lack of progress for the length of time it takes to get back to where you got "off track." (in MB parlance, this is called, alternatively, "two steps forward and one step backward," or "the rollercoaster of ups and downs of recovery)

Let's get back to your QUESTIONS, eh? You are a "doer," and as a active response to God's teaching, that is good. As a "do it yourselfer," it's driving "blind."

So you've started the journey and now there are "obstacles" along the way that need to be addressed and overcome. What's the first one or two that still seem so big in your mind?

God bless.

Well. I'm still in Peter's soggy shoes. It's still difficult to not let my desires guide my interactions with Crystal. However, I guess, on the positive side, though I've been wanting Crystal to want to connect with me in SF, I haven't been discouraged by being turned down. I can still feel in my spirit that I'm at peace.

I think the thing that I most need, i.e. the biggest "obsticle" that I'm currently facing is coming to a closer relationship with God... out of the classroom. I've been trying so hard to be His star pupil, and haven't figured out how to let Him be my Holy Father... See, even there, I am discussing it in terms of learning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

People say that you generally see God through the same lenses you use to see your own earthly father. I don't know that that's true, but maybe it is. I know that my mother's the academic parent. She's, literally, a teacher (one-room school-house in Kansas in the early 60s through college-level classes). She's never stopped learning. She home-schooled me and my brothers, and even after finishing that, she tought herself some basic calculas, Ancient Greek, Hebrew, and has gotten ordained in her denomination. My dad... he's a businessman.

Then again, maybe I do see God somewhat like my earthly father. I love my dad. However, he's a workaholic (it's how he coped with ADHD - by hyper-focusing on work). When I was a kid, he had to travel 3-4 days per week, almost every week. I ached for the week or so in the summer when it was my turn to go with him on a round of business trips, and, of course each Friday when he would always be home. My dad was a really good guy. I never doubted that he loved me, but I never got to spend enough time with him. I've always known I can count on him when I *NEED* him, but if I just *want* him, then I probably wouldn't be able to get him to clear his schedule for me.

I know that's part of how I've related to God. When I'm in pain, I *KNOW* He hears me, and He'll take care of me, but if it's not an emergency, I don't know that I have much faith. I feel like I'm on my own. I *WANT* Him with me even when I'm not in dire straits, but I don't know how to call out to Him and feel close to Him when I'm *just* trying to build a relationship with Him.

Does that make sense?

In a shorter form, my first obsticle is to *KNOW* God as more than a professor I can get to help me with my assignments only after I've screwed it up beyond my ability to fix.

My next, and maybe part of the first, is to be sensitive to what He's saying so that I can be the proper spiritual leader for my my wife and kids.

FH -


Are you saying that fully following God's plan will avoid the ups and downs of recovery (i.e., it'll be smooth although difficult process), or just that not following God's plan will make it even more up and down?

I kind of think the latter, but wanted to make sure I was reading you correctly.

TD, I'm going to approach this a little differently than you might be expecting, so if anything grates on you a little, be patient and forgiving with me and I'll try to clarify whereever needed.

The passages I quoted from your previous post are all tied together and part of the same question. So it's a very good place to start.

"Sandpaper warning"....this may be a little confusing and irritating all at the same time. TD, you are approaching this from too "high an intellectual plane." Your pride in self and your reasoning ability (which I also suffer from) is clouding the simple truth of HOW to have the relationship you claim to want to have with God.

You DON'T approach this as a "mental equal" with God. You approach it as a child. So your analogy to being a young student is appropriate. Once you "master" that lesson, you will find yourself well on the way to "maturity in the faith." You WILL increase your knowledge of WHAT God has said, but you will also be able to apply it to your life and to the lives of others as if you were a child.

I am fundamentally talking about TRUSTING God, not our own understanding or abilities. As a child trusts the authority and the knowledge of the parent/teacher, so should we approach our walk with God. A child may not know "why" they are being told to do something, but they do it because they trust. A child may not understand fully what they are being taught, but they study because they are TOLD to by one whom they trust. They do NOT learn all the intricacies of Calculus without first learning the basics and then slowly building upon them.

One does not have to understand Kreb cycles, Osmosis, or Genetics to trust the parent who KNOWS that the "boo-boo" will be healed on the tree or on your body.

When God says, [color:"red"]"If you love me, you will obey my commands" [/color], He is saying "Trust Me." You don't have to understand right now, just trust me and DO it.

When we learn the addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, etc. we can progress. Before long we begin to talk and perform calculations with knowledge and are able to apply it without thinking through every step of the "proof statement." We tackle geometry and algebra, building upon what we learned and 'mastered' previously, we and keep going.....as far as we want to go.....all the while trusting in the goodness and teaching and knowledge that surpasses all understanding to be patient with us, and keep repeating the teaching, until we DO learn it. THEN we are able to humbly apply it and even to pass on the knowledge to our "children."

I've been trying so hard to be His star pupil, and haven't figured out how to let Him be my Holy Father

You see, TD, God isn't really all that interested in you being his "star pupil." He has plenty of those. What He wants is you to love, trust, and obey Him.

God commands AND enables us to do what has been commanded, but only when we do it THROUGH Christ, in humble submission to His will no matter what we are feeling or thinking.

He walks alongside of us, sometimes just there, sometimes holding our hand in friendship, sometimes leading us, sometimes carrying us when we have run out of our own strength. "Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." You have the indwelling Holy Spirit, the Counselor, Teacher, Guide, Supporter, Correcter, Rebuker, Comforter....who is with you 24/7.

But God is our LORD. He is our Master. We are His creation, but we are His servants by willingly surrendering to Him as our Lord and Savior. We approach the throne as a child, not as a "puffed up, full of human knowledge, 'adult' human." We ARE created in God's image, but beware "pride in self."

YOUR sin is enough to crush Christ, let alone my sin, your wife's sin, and everyone's sin. But we are forgiven even though we could NEVER repay the "sin debt" simply because Jesus humbled himself and His complete knowledge and unlimited power... and obeyed His Father, and our Father, as a trusting child.

So should we approach the seat of power and learning.

God bless.

Obviously, FH meant the latter.

Just yesterday you pointed me to James 1:2-4, which makes it clear that our trials serve a purpose.

Perhaps the understanding that we should take away is that we, like Paul, need to have His Peace, no matter what our circumstances.

Peace throughout the storm. Sometimes, I get it, and sometimes it seems like a cruel joke to suggest it, but that's one of the more obvious results of a right relationship with the Lord.

brokenbird - the latter. Recovery is dependent upon TWO people, neither of which does it "perfectly" and who are "fighting their sinful nature" all the time. It is a daily series of CHOICES, each of which "controls" the ups and downs and twists and turns, and some of them threaten to derail the whole process if the choice is "abandonment" of the commitment.

IF both husband and wife COULD follow God's plan to perfection, they WOULD have a rather smooth recovery, but we are still prisoners to our fallen nature, and it's very easy to succumb to our emotions of anger, fear, etc..

God bless.

Letting go and being vulnerable and trusting as a child in all things is, again, one of those things that's easier said than done.

I generally have a pretty good ability to "let go and let God," as some say, when His will is clear. For example, Tithing - check. I have no problem being a cheerful tither, because it's one of the few areas where God's will is absolutely clear. What to say to Crystal to comfort her, or to coax her to try to risk some affection for me, or to encourage her in her own relationship with God, or whatever.. I just don't know. Saying "Love her like Christ loves the Church," is only so helpful in being guided minute by minute.


I appreciate your appreciation that what you had to say may be abrasive, but in general, I don't like to persist in error, so I try to test what's said for truth, and if I find it, I am willing to accept it. Of all the things you said, this was probably the closest to painful to me.

Everyone wants to be special. I want my wife to think I'm special, and my parents, and God, too. I know the masterpiece of my efforts looks like a toddler's scribblings on a piece of paper to God, but like the toddler who gives that page of scribbles to his dad, I want Him to appreciate what my gift, even though it's nothing. Why did God give me gifts and abilities if not to use them? Maybe I haven't grown my tallents like some other servants, but I've at the very least, invested them so that they grew some interest.

I know my best isn't good enough, but I still want to hear "Well DONE, good and faithful servant," someday.

I guess this counts as pride, or maybe it's just my EN for armiration. In any event, it's easy to become a Christian, but it's a whole lot more difficult to live as one.

Somewhat OT - This caught my eye:


Perhaps I'm on my way! This weekend, Crystal said I was acting like a 2-year old! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

TD -


Point taken <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I guess I should pay more attention to what I say in response to others, since it's often applicable to me as well.

My wife gave me a little plaque for Christmas that said something along the lines of "Sometimes He calms the storm, and sometimes He calms us." Personally, I'd much prefer the former at times.

FH -

Thanks for the clarification.

I have a question for you (and other members of the forum on this thread), that I was hoping you could give me some scriptual insight to.

My wife knows that I have complete confidence that our marriage will be restored and rebuilt (this confidence comes from God - I know that doing it on my own would lead to failure). She doesn't always share that same confidence, mainly because of her own stumbling blocks.

I don't know how many she has, but she specifically asked me last night during our devotionals to pray for 2 of them - remorse and repentance.

I do believe that she wants our marriage restored and rebuilt. I also believe that she does want to repent (and all the emotions that go along with repenting, like remorse). As her husband, and the spiritual leader of our family, what can I do to help her overcome this?

I have been, and will continue, to pray for her, and with her (unfortunately she rarely prays out loud with me at this point. She is praying on her own, mainly for me). I share scriptures that I find particularly inspirational in regards to our current situation. I will listen to anything she wants to say (and do so in a safe environment for her - one of my previous feelings). I will give her advice and/or my perspective if she wants it.

Is there anything I should be doing? Or not doing? Are there any really good scriptures I can share with her to help encourage her?

I realize ultimately it's between her and God, and it's her choice. I can't and won't push her, because it wouldn't be sincere.

Or is this simply another case of where I need to be patient and let God handle it?

Apologies for the threadjack, TD. I'll try and stay quiet now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BrokenBird,

FWIW, there's a verse, I think it's in 1 Tim 2, but I many not have that quite right. The point is that the saints were told to pray that God grant the people who were doctrinally wrong repentance. My pastor pointed that out to me and it had a real impact. Repentance, especially for sins that you knew were wrong at the time you did them, and you were already a Christian, is not merely saying, "My bad, God, I'll try not to do that anymore, okay?"

When God grants repentance, you get a sense of how you've grieved the Holy Spirit, and possibly other people, with your sinful actions. It REALLY changes your perspective. My advice, for whatever it's worth, would be for you as her spiritual head to pray that God grant her repentance.

God Bless,

Okay, now you are getting down to some practical "day to day" things. So let's explore a few ideas.

[color:"blue"]What to say to Crystal to comfort her[/color]

Not much, really, beyond you love her and you are trying to your best to learn and to follow God to be the man that both God and she will be proud of.

Your forgiveness is the "best comfort," but understand at the same time that a lot of her "battle" is in her own mind as she faces her own guilt. She probably won't know "peace and comfort" for a while, because we are often "hardest" on ourselves.

[color:"blue"]or to coax her to try to risk some affection for me[/color]

Not going to happen. Accept it. Things are "way gone" right now and you trying "coax" anything from her will likely be seen as "manipulation" at this point. I know what you want, because I've walked in those shoes too. But this is where the best "gift" you can give, the best way to "help" her, is to accept that sex is NOT a necessity right now and be patient. Yes, it may not seem fair, and in many ways it's not, but we are trying to knit bones and heal wounds, and restore health BEFORE vigorous physical and emotional activity can be worked up to. We are not ready for the Sprint, or the Marathon, right now. There will be a time to begin "training" again, but for now, let's "walk before we run."

[color:"blue"]or to encourage her in her own relationship with God[/color]

By you focusing on your walk and being the spiritual head of your household will be encouragement enough. If you'd like a little extra, if she is willing, then I'd suggest beginning each day with something like a 5 minute devotional. My wife and I used On Holy Ground, by Charles Stanley. You would be amazed at how helpful just those few minutes were each day.

[color:"blue"]I just don't know. Saying "Love her like Christ loves the Church," is only so helpful in being guided minute by minute.[/color]

Yes, so it seems. But as you plumb the depths of what "loving as Christ loves the church," you will be amazed at the guidance it gives for each minute of every day.

For help in this area, read 1Cor 13:4-7 to yourself every day. Keep it in the forefront of your thoughts to combat the thoughts that WILL assail you daily.




No, it's not really pride in self. It's satisfaction in doing what you do BECAUSE you love God, not out of self-agrandizement.

Remember Jesus' response to James and John? When we approach as the "least," we actually ARE the "most." It is speaking about our motivations. DOING because we love God and are thankful for all that He has done for us IS a Noble and Right motivation. Doing to "make ourselves the top of the heap" is selfish. That's not what I hear you doing. I hear you sincerely trying to follow God in humble obedience, and just like the rest of us, struggling against our own flesh every now and then. If Paul, arguably the "best" Christian of all, fought that battle also, we are in good company. But it's a distinction that I was trying to make. It IS a good thing to aspire to being the "best servant" of God, and God WILL say "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

TD, God is very happy with all your efforts. He is pleased that you are trying to use your gifts. But as you already seem to understand, the "closer we walk with God," the more we realize just how far from perfection we really are. It is humbling. Just remember that while God loves all your scribblings, He also loves you enough to try to help you grow and learn more. It's the Sanctification process that we all go through, until we are, one day, with him when this "race is run."

Now, does Crystal have any questions that you know of, or anyone who is helping her with her struggles?

God bless.

FH, thanks. I'll answer your last question first. I know that Crystal has some struggles, but I don't know that she wants to bare her spiritual struggles on the forum. I could be wrong, though. One big thing is that she's very busy at and subsequently tired from her new job, so she barely has time for the hour-a-day we're supposed to schedule for each other during the week, let alone to post.


I guess that's probably true. When I watch her, it doesn't seem like she's all that sick with guilt, but maybe she just shows it differently than I would expect. I just don't know what's going on inside her. I guess this is why I have to be "confident" that He will finish the good work He's begun in her.


My urge for SF is not the overarching desire that prompted me to mention trying to coax her to risk some affection for me. I would like for her to kiss me like she cares, and not like it's a duty. I would like for her to reach out to me to hold hands from time to time... I know that SF is a ways away, but I would like her to open up to the idea that we can start to be closer than roommates. Don't get me wrong, SF would be a GREAT way to accomplish that affection and connection thing, but right now, I would like her to risk a little affection so that she can see she can still enjoy being affectionate to me.

Right now we do evening devotional stuff. Mornings are too hectic, and our schedules keep us up so late anyway that the idea of prying our eyes open even a minute before we force ourselves to get up is almost painful. Perhaps after the Bar exam in a few weeks, I will be able to re-arrange my schedule enough that a few minutes at the start of the day would work... We'll see. I will look into the book you recomended, though.



I have no doubt that the principles of the idea and a full and complete knowledge of the Character of Jesus Christ would provide excellent knowledge... My comment was that those nuggets of wisdom and guidance are best gleaned through study and contemplation, and don't just "jump out of the text." I suppose I could try to find a WWJD bracelet, and hope I remember to glance at it when I find myself in a spot...

But, I do want to thank you for reminding me of 1 Cor. 13. In a note I sent her today (part of my "Plan") I painted a romantic picture in words of getting away in about 10 months for our next anniversary in a world where we are well on our way to recovery. It was a description of us caring for each other and being grateful to have the chance to be with each other. Crystal said it was a beautiful image, but didn't want me to get my hopes too far up. I like the passage... Especially verse seven. Love "...always hopes, always perserveres." For me, true love's hope is my faith that God will not stop moving us to the place where he wants us... together, but on His schedule.


I must admit that for much of my life, it was about self-agrandizement. After I had cancer as a teenager, I never really learned to love, or even like myself. I desperately wanted to be loved, and so I tried really hard. But the harder I tried, and succeded, by my strength, the more it was about self-agrandizement. The strange thing is that the self-agrandizement wasn't because I thought so highly of myself, but because I think I hoped that enough other people did, then maybe I wouldn't have to think so poorly of myself. As I look at it, I think, subconsciously, I was trying to show God that I didn't deserve cancer anymore. Then again, perhaps I've navel-gazed a little too deeply this time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Thanks. I'll see if Crystal is interested in posting to this thread, or to you on another.