Quick history-I'm in the military, found out after labor day W is having an affair with a 19 y/o(wife is 31) new private in the Army-i talked to him privately after discovery, told him to stay away, i blamed my W more than him, and i wouldn't ruin his career. W and him kept seeing each other, so 2 days ago i told his chain of command. His career isn't ruined, which is fine. BUT he will be on KP for a few weeks, had his weekend passes revoked indefinitely, will be reassigned to a different post(Germany) and if he is caught seeing her again he will be thrown out of the Army. I am so relieved that i finally had enough and got tired of my W and him getting away with it scott free! Well, no more. She and him are now having to pay for their actions, and they don't like it! Oh well!<BR>I know i sound spiteful, and am LBing more than anything, but boy did it feel good. Thanks all for the support!<p>[This message has been edited by rik999 (edited September 29, 1999).]

My first instinct is to applaude you. Good for you!!! It's nice to know that there are men out there who love and respect their families, and will do anything in their power to keep it that way. The fact that you talked to the private first and he didn't back off gave you the right to take it a higher level...in my opinion anyways. <BR>I hope W gets over it and that things will work out for you.

Hi Rik,<P>I'm glad that they (W and OM) can't take advantage of you anymore. Even better that OM will be off to another country! I'm sure that your W if very resentful. It's because she can't have her cake and eat it too. That's expected, though. Now its time for the hard work....to start working on rebuilding your marriage. It will be hard at first because of the resentment that she is feeling. But, I bet if you keep making those deposits in her love bank....she will start giving in. At least you won't have the interference of the OM. Best of luck to you!

Good for you!!! My hat if off. I think sometimes, since our spouses have these amazingly think glasses on, the we have to show them what is really going on.<BR>I'm proud of you. <BR>You told me that you had given up. Is this still the case, or are you wanting to start rebuilding. I'm sure right now your W doesnt want that, you took away her toy, but time may tell a different story.<BR>Hang in there. I'm with you.<P>Cheryl

Before i 'interfered' with their little fantasy utopia, we were going to get separated in January, and see how it went until the kids were out of school in the summer. BUT, last night she told me she wants a Divorce NOW. She wants her freedom, is tired of living like this. I told her my opinion- with no LBing, that she is going too fast, that most importantly the kids, and her, and i are going to pay the price alot more now than if we wait. But, she says she doesn't care, she's just so spiteful. I told her that i will move out, but that's not good enough. I really don't care if works or not, as far as my love for her. I only care about the kids now. Even her 'grown up' friends think like i do, and have have told me she won't make it on her own-she's too irresponsible and immature. If i thought i stood a chance of getting custody, i would fight for the kids. She wants out so bad, that she is giving up her rights to half of my retirement pay, which would be about 2000 a month for her after i retire. She has never had to be on her own, with no one to bail her out when she gets in over her head. I was always there. For the kids, i hope she swims. But i think she will sink, and i just have to make sure there is a life raft there for the kids to get on to keep from drowning also. She is only punishing herself right now. We'll see. <BR>No matter what happens, this site and all you guys have been a godsend for me, and like i read on a thread yesterday, it's a shame that by the time we all meet each other we are so far in over our heads. If only people would think preventive medicine instead of healing medicine!<P>My prayers are with you all

If I were you, I wouldn't leave. I'd stay there with the kids. Who knows, she might take them to Germany. The kids shouldn't have to be put through all her restlessness. Start documenting her irrational behavior, and her irresponsibility. <P>Don't move out. If she wants to leave so bad, she'll have to leave, but without the kids.<P>You've gone this far, right?

I have to post here!!!<P>DON'T LEAVE!!!!<BR>DON'T LEAVE!!!!<BR>DON'T LEAVE!!!!<BR>GO FOR CUSTODY OF YOUR KIDS!!!!<BR>(leaving will loose custody of your kids...<BR> a very important element to draw her back<BR> if that's what you want!)<P>That is what I did when my wife filed for divorce. Now, she has moved out... near to her lover (he's actually moved into her apartment.) My wife sounds like yours....<BR> OM is my soulmate....<BR> I can't stand to be in house with you(husband)...<BR> I hate you...<BR> You never talked with me...<BR> etc...<P>I have my kids safe and secure now. She gave up on them (couldn't get them to move out of state with her to live with lover.) So her lover was more important than kids!<P>My attorney says, everyday the kids are with me... there is a lesser and lesser chance she can ever get custody!<P>Now... the kids are just one more reason she may eventually come back. I understand it is more important for my wife's lover to reject my wife (I believe this will happen as she gets more depressed... more "clingy" to him... and less financially secure) and he is just a sponge (still married to his second wife.)<P>I'm still working on Plan A...<BR>She has to know I will be waiting for her!<P>Plan B... early next year.<P>Jim

Guys,<P>Hope it's okay to chime in here...<P>I am a W who betrayed, and I feel complete and total remorse. The affair lasted 3 month, luckily not long. I also thought the OM was my soul mate <blech> and I couldn't feel more horror and embarrassment about that. <P>I hope that your W's realize the truth before they make more mistakes. I have come to believe that there is no such thing as soul mates (in the romantic Bridges of Madison Co. way) but we have good friends who touch our souls, and even (gasp!) spouses who do. My H is still suffering through my infidelity, as I did when he cheated 12 yrs. ago. I am just romantic enough to believe that we can find the love we lost... and thankfully, so is he. I just wanted you to know that there is always hope that your W's will realize the pain they've caused and come back to their families.<P>Best wishes as you work to repair that which was broken...<P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited September 29, 1999).]

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME!<P>DO GET CUSTODY OF YOUR KIDS!<P>You didn't give up on your family, your wife did. You have already proven to your kids that you will always be there, regardless of what happens. So, don't leave your home...When your wife has a dose of reality and has to support herself and live without the kids, maybe she will wake up and decide that the family is what she wants.<P>Sometimes a person doesn't get their wake-up call until they hit rock-bottom. Maybe your wife is like this, but I hope she wakes up before she does hit rock-bottom.

Rik,<BR>I agree don't leave home. If she wants out that badly let her leave. If she is as iresponsible as you say she won't be able to take care of the kids.<BR>My w left and in the end it was the kids that the om couldn't handle and he ended up dumping my w. <BR>I think you did the right thing about notifying his superiors. I wish I would have done that as I'm learning that om has no fight in him. I may have been able to short circuit the affair if i would have pressed him.