For quite some time, I've suspected that OM may have introduced WW to some sort of drugs. (Methemphatimines, esctacy, pot, and/or pain killers)

Now that I'm in Plan B, and remebering some conversations between OM and WW, I'm not so sure this A isn't more about getting her fix on some drug he introduced to her. Is there any tell tale signs that would differentiate the different kind of addictions?

And now, in Plan B, I really can't monitor WW and her behaviors, except during kid exchanges. It kind of frightens me to think this, but there are definitely some "red flags".

Comments please!!

I'm not an expert but I think the addictive behaviors are the same. The way she acts under the infulence would be different depending on the drug type, sedative, stimulant, hypnotic, hallucinagen. What kind of behaviors has she been displaying? Irritability? slurred speech? Dialated pupils? Constricted pupils? Weight loss? etc...

Look for physical symptoms of drug use/withdrawl. I am not an expert, but I'd bet that you could find a lot of info just using a good web search.

Pinpointed/dilated eyes that are inappropriately so for the light source at the time.

Shakes, tremors, nausea, sweating. Rapidity of speech (for meth and such) or slowness of speech and movements (barbs). If you suspect specific things, look those up on the internet.

do you have proof that there was talk/confession of drug use...

speak to your lawyers and for drug testing...even if it means you both have to be tested....

the issue is drug use between her and otherman AND the young children when in her care...

take to your lawyers.

ARK

First, WW went on Paxil in October. Before WW moved out on Jan. 4, several times she brought up the topic, unprovoked by me. Statements like: "I know you think I'm on drugs" but it's just the antidepressants. Or "You probably think I'm crazy or on drugs." Or I made a statement that said "WW, you're just not the same person". And she replied, "I not on drugs, I just don't know how to love you again."

Also, she admitted that he gave her some Motrin 800's (prescription) for her headaches and menstral cramping. (Which NEVER bothered her before.) But then she said, "I haven't taken any yet." ???

She was constantly picking at every pimple and blemish on her face and upper chest area, almost compulsively. Her mood swings were unreal!!!

Now that you mentioned the pupils, I guess I do remember that her eyes seemed "different", but maybe that was the coldness.

One of the conversations I over heard was something like: "Oh....you're gonna cut me off....you're gonna cut me off are you.....well.....I don't know....I'll figure something else out......Yeah...well then I won't kiss you" Followed by either: "You started all this on me" or You started yaba on me" Of course, Yaba is a pill form of meth.

She admitted that OM smokes pot...but "of course" she has never smoked with him....wife smoked weed a couple times when we first went out, when she was in her early 20's, but didn't like the feeling, or so she said.

Maybe I'm just over analysing this, but something just doesn't "feel" right about this. I mean, my WW has agreed to live in my children's school district for the next 15 years, and I know OM is a city boy (25 miles away) and would never live up here!! Also, when D-day hit, WW told me that OM had some "shady" friends.

I just recieved the LS in the mail to be signed by me. I haven't signed it yet, just reading over things, but still a voice inside me whispers "Something's not right"

If you heard your wife mention yaba, and she said she was using paxil for depression, chances could be she is using meth for her depression. It's how people get hooked, they feel down, they use and find out how it picks them up. Look for dilated pupils, and sweats. A person may also display jittery movements or shakes.

seems like you may be able to still put a condition in the LS agreement for drug testing....talk to your lawyer.

If she is taking crystal meth...she is addicted from the first hit. Her life will appear somewhat nomal at first and then deteriorate rapidly. I read some good material on this in Time magazine...I have NO personal experience with the drug. But things can get hairy pretty quickly.

A private eye maybe able to follow her on her days off custody and know pretty quickly what is up. Meth users stay up all day and night and would be pretty obvious. If she is using...you need to know immediately. WS's judgment is impaired...IMO, it is a road they can travel down pretty easy once they are behaving adulterous.

I would think she would scatterbrained all the time. Late everywhere. Always tired after a 4 day bender. Avoidance of bright light. Pupils dialated. etc.

Get on this...MWIL

Mr. Wondering

I couldn't tell, from what I heard. It was either "You started all this on me" or "you started yaba on me" It was pretty faint, so it was hard to hear. Maybe it's neither, but I'll keep an eye open. Of course, I only see her once every two weeks, usually.

But Meth is scary!!! Do a google on before and after pictures of users, and it's unbelievable!! I'm praying for her that she isn't involved!!

Years ago, I also thought something wasn't right with my H. He had mood swings and angry outbursts. His eyes became dark. Money was missing. He'd have a difficult time falling asleep during the week but would sleep all weekend. He was no longer interested in his hobbies, me, or the children. He had several ONSs with a co-worker. I denied and enabled.

When my suspicians were finally confirmed that he was addicted to meth, he went into a 28-day rehab program. He has been clean and sober since but I can tell you that more meth addicts fail than succeed after rehab.

Meth is cheap and affects every walk of life and every person imaginable. My H was brought up in a very good home. He was a hard worker and a loving, involved husband and father. He felt tired at work one day. Someone offered him a "pick-me-up". That was all he needed to become addicted.

This is a very short story of my experience married to a meth addict. If you have more questions, please let me know.
God Bless,
Tatertot

Saw WW, last night. (She came over to P/U and drop off dd6 for Brownies. WW does look a bit "out of it", but can't really say for sure she's "on drugs".

MWIL...

Thought that I would chime in here and give you a scenario from my own wayward chronicles...It is something that I am VERY ASHAMED of, but if it might help someone else, then I will share...

First, I would like to say that I have never had problems like this prior to my A or since, a disclaimer of sorts, I suppose...My A, like most everyone else's I am sure, was a complete abandonment of all that I knew to be right, honorable and true. As a WS, I was constantly looking for rationalizations and justifications, problem was, hard as I tried, my mind just could not reconcile all of the conflict that was taking place. I needed something to escape my own escapist behavior. I turned to the anti anxiety drug Xanax. Even Xanax could not quelch all the anxiety that I was having when taken as directed, so I began to take more and more. When I was high, I was pretty much without lucid thought...I would forget how many I had taken and take more. This is so painful for me to type, but during that time, I was driving around with my daughter in the car...I needed to have been locked up, no question about it. It is by God's grace alone that the day that I totaled my car she was still in school. I have a nasty scar on the bridge of my nose as a result, but obviously the outcome could have been much worse...Even after the accident, my h didn't know what was going on...he thought that I was acting strange, but didn't investigate. Though I lowered the amount that I was taking, I was still taking the drug and "functioning", if you can call it that. Three days later, I got in the car with my daughter and drove 12 hours to Atlanta...there is not a doubt in my mind that an Angel was my co-pilot on that trip. While I was in Atlanta visiting my parents(and the OM), my behavior became more and more bizarre...luckily, they found the pills and alerted my h to the problem. There are large gaps of time that I don't even remember from that period, the parts that I do recall are like I am viewing someone else's tragedy. I do not recognize me at all, that was not who I ever had been and that is not who I am now...The reality, however, is that it IS who I was as a WS...Today I can say with 100% certainty that she(the strung out WS) will NEVER return.

I shared this with you so that you might understand the gravity of the situation that you are facing. While it is true that WSes act like drug addicts without using drugs, it certainly sounds like you have at least circumstantial evidence that your wife is using. If you have even the tiniest inkling(and you do), DO NOT let your wife drive with or care for your children. DO NOT WAIT TO CONFIRM YOUR SUSPICIONS!!! ACT NOW FOR THEIR SAFETY!!! You are their advocate, their only protection, they have no one else...THIS IS YOUR JOB. Do not worry about being labeled an alarmist...that is a good label when it comes to the well being of your children. At the very least, (by your wife's admission) you know that the OM is a drug user. WSes pick up other characteristics of their OP, such as musical tastes, venacular and hobbies. Why would drug use be any different? You can not count on your wife's former moral compass...it's just not working right now. Go with your gut on this...it will best serve all parties involved. If you are wrong, so be it, your wife has certainly given you good reason not to trust her judgement. What if you are right and sit idly by? MWIL, I implore you to take action here.


Best,

Mrs. Wondering

Picking behavior. Seen it personally.

Could be meth, especially since she has mentioned it.

http://www.ci.athens.oh.us/dare/Drug_Info/Meth/meth.html



It won't take long until it's obvious. Stuff tears a person up fast.

OK, I won't go into too many reasons why I'm 90% sure, now, that WW is on something, and, after intesive research and absolute knowledge about OM,....I believe my WW is addicted to Oxycontin!!! If you don't know about the prescription drug....google it....and see for yourself the fear I have!!

OM, has a severe lower back injury. He often lies in bed all day....know this from WW on D-day. Also know he takes Oxycontin. It is known as poor man's heroin.

I'm in Plan B, but now that I have almost definite proof of her misuse/abuse of Oxycontin, do I even think of offering a "safe place" to land, if she ever comes to the realization that her life could be ruined, and wants out?? Or just stay in Plan B, and hope she isn't dead in a few months???

There are no real drug tests to positively say she's on this! So, I'm sure she would still be in the extreme denial stage.

Anyone with some input, let me know.

If I knew, conclusively that there were no drugs involved, I KNOW Plan B is best for ME!!! But does the very good chance that my WW is not only addicted to OM, but also to Oxycontin, or only to Oxycontin, change my Plan B back to a brief Plan A, to let her know she can come to me if she wants out of her situation??

Painkillers would be my guess. Oxycontin is the strongest one there is.

Not to be mixed w/ADs, btw.

MWIL,

I don't think you should go back to Plan A but I am uncertain.

I believe you should speak to your attorney about what you can do should she show up "drugged" up on the stuff. My guess is you should withhold the kids and document as best you can why?. Make her endure the pain of going to court and fighting for custody back. Such Pain may get her out of BOTH addictions.

Record any interaction/confrontation so you can later demonstrate your geniune concern, your calmness, her wigging out and your lack of vindictiveness. Otherwise, you could be made out to look vindictive and manipulating the situation utilizing the kids as pawns.

If you could recover a prescription bottle (empty or otherwise) from her or her garage (on trash night) to at least have some physical evidence. Also, maybe get her on tape (during a brief encounter upon kid exchange) discussing nicely and calmly her behavior and what is she taking before she realizes you intend to ACT upon the information.

She can functionally abuse Ocycontin for quite some time. Keep documenting your concerns so if and when you have to put the hammer down you'll already be prepared.

Mr. W