I am so tempted to call the OW from my husbands A from 4 years ago. I just found out 6 months ago that he slept with this woman twice four years ago- he had NC with her after that and it was not an emotional affair at all. He didn't ever care about her, etc. He used her to try to have a reason to leave our marraige. He was miserable.

He has told me all the details, why it happened, and is working really hard to rebuild our M. I so want to believe him that it happened the way he says it did. I have no reason not too expect the fact that he has been lying to me for four years. He says he decided to come clean and be an honest person and he is being honest now about everything. Why should I believe him?

I want to call the OW and find out how it happened. I want to know if my H is telling the truth. Would this be a huge mistake? Would I be giving this woman satisfaction knowing that I am in turmoil? I mean she might not even remember most of the details it was so long ago and there was no emotional connection (he thinks she might have been using him too). Would I be messing up the trust that my H and I are rebuilding. I just want to know the details from her.

Talk me out of this please!!!

The more you think about her and wonder about how the affair happened, the more power you will be giving her to ruin your marriage. Think about that for awhile.

She needs to be like a little bump on the road toward a very happy marriage.

If your husband decided to be honest (and that hardly ever happens here), give him the benefit of the doubt, and work on your marriage.

It is a 50/50 chance that calling OW could make her so angry she calls your HUSBAND up !!!


How's that for motivation not to call?

I wouldn't call her. How would you know what she were to tell you to be more truthful than that which your husband has already told you?

I would take all of that energy that is running through these thoughts and harness it to make a better marriage. You have been given the gift of the truth from your husband. Use it to make your lives together good.

>I want to call the OW and find out how it happened.

She's a woman who willingly slept with a married man, and you expect the words that will spill from her lips to be true?

Pluh-ease!

There comes a time that we as BS have to shelve the fact that our spouse's were dishonest with us and get on with gittin' on.

Answer:

Is my spouse honest with me now about anything and everything? (you KNOW the answer)

Is this niggling doubt and need to know about past indescretions WORTH jeapordizing whatever headway in our progress and healing we've made?

Do I REALLY need to know this? (and I mean that one....it's one thing to want to know, but what are you going to do with this information...will it kill you if his recollection of the past differs from hers?)

>is working really hard to rebuild our M

Is it worth it to throw this away?

- Kimmy