I had a question for those who've gone through the Withdrawal period and the Fog.

My FWW is on the fence as to whether or not to fully commit to our relationship. She tells me that she still loves me, but is just not 'in love with me'. (Similar to what Harley states in SAA (which I am reading now). I found out that she is telling some of her closer friends that she still loves me but...we still have a lot to work out. She says that she has moments where she feels like things can work out and then the next minute she is thinking that there is no way this can work. She tells her friends that she feels there is a major thing missing between her and I. This makes her love for me feel blurred and not real (or half lost). She tells them that she has one foot in and the other out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

She also tells her friends that she is tempted to "just go away for a while to clear her head".

QUESTIONS -
(1) is this ambivilence 'normal' for the withdrawal period? Should I just continue not commiting any LB and trying to meet her EN? Is there something else I should do to help her get off the fence?

(2) What do you think about her idea of "just getting away for a while"? I don't think this will help our relationship get stronger, but what do you guys think?

HELP !!!!

Ok I really need some help with this one. I found out that one of her friends who lives in another city (and interestingly enough is seperated due to a habitual WH) has encouraged my FWW to visit.

She has suggested that they get together with another friend who lives in NYC, to hang out. OK, ok let me just quote the part that really disturbs me... "It might even be fun to pretend that you are free and single. Not saying to cheat on Nate but just to imagine for one night, that you're not tied down and to experience new social friendships. My brother has a ton of friends - all very cool - most married but some not at all."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />This really rocks me to my core...am I reading this correctly that her friend thinks it might be fun for my FWW to flirt with other men (when she knows that we are going through this period). WTF! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Please tell me what you think of this quote...am I reading it correctly????

PLEASE HELP!!!! How do I respond? (My FWW doesn't know I read/know this)...

Hey there,

I am sorry about your situation and can relate as I have or had (not sure which) a WW. I would not ignore my instincts here. My WW started running with a "different" crowd a few months ago and ended up having an A at here place of work. The new "friends" have been a terrible influence on her. While not entirely responsible for the A they certainly have not helped things. This is not a good thing. Is there anything you can do to stop her from going? Could you go with her? Could you call friend and tell her you don't appreciate her implying that your WW should act as if she is single?

I assume that you are in plan A right now?

Hope - Yes in plan A right now. I thought it was progressing ok until this came along. With that said, I;m not sure WW will go.

I have suggested that this friend come here instead. I don't want to physically stop her from going, as I feel this would be a LB - demand. Also she has said she needs to visit this friend to help her with her divorce.

Not sure I should contact friend, as my WW doesn't know I read this and if I say something I fear she will stop using this account and I will have no idea about these sorts of messages and be able to counter them.

Yes my WW has several friends who I feel are giving her poor advice. This one (which suprises me as she is a BS as well), and another who left her long time boyfriend. Both have ended their relationships and feel this is the way to solve things (or at least this is the impression I get). My WW says that she takes all this advice with a grain of salt, but I find it hard to believe that advice from 2 of her close friends (for over 4 years) doesn't rub off on her.

How do I counter such advice? Mostly not pro-marriage!

I need some advice on this one. I've been racking my brains on this one, but have not been able to come up with a good way to counter the advice my FWW 'friends' are giving her. Not just her visiting them, but they also talk on the phone.

Does anyone have some advice or experience with this kind of situation?

Any one have any ideas? Now a friend has suggested that they go to Paris (where my WW parents live) for a couple weeks.

I find my WW to be living a very individualistic centered life. I guess this should be no suprise to me as that is the way she has been living (and myself as well by ignoring her needs) for the last couple years during the EA. I guess this is part of the withdrawal period.

Any suggestions on the friends advice?

And any suggestions for my questions on 1/30 (#2943381)?

Thanks - any encouragement would be welcomed.

Simple. Tell WS, if her friends are giving such 'good advice', then maybe she can go live with them. Give up all her parental rights and let them meet her selfish needs.

Those friends are big talkers and probably would kick her out in less than 6 months.

If you are willing to take that risk.....well....it is an option. Be prepared for her to take it. If she does, you may find relief and they (her friends) get a taste of her reality vs her babble.

U ready?!?!?!

L.

DC - Separation will only help your wife to screw around on you. She is getting bad advice from her friends.