mY h AND i HAVE BEEN GETTING along great and he decides to let me in on the fact the he told Traci (alleged OW) about the fact that H and I had sex.

He says I should not be mad, but happy about this fcat. But I am madder than He11!!!

Should I be or what. Why in the he11 is he telling me this...

I could scream!!! I feel he has completely crossed the line. He blames it on the fact that I told everyone all about our sh*t so why shouldn't he share, but what in the crap am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to respond to this???

what r u so angry about here?

I was wondering the same thing? Does it mean he's broken NC and been talking to her?

The woman he is telling this to I believe him to be in or wa in an EA with. I only assumed this...

He never said there was to be NC, he said they were just friends (maybe they truly are), but now I am mad because I don't want our sex life blabbled to his woman who I truly cannot stand...

Should i not be mad?? Should I just say okay.glad you told her...

LOL.....

Honey, if your h is cheating on you and having sex with her and you, then him "telling" her that he is having sex "with his wife' IS THE least of your problems. I am utterly confused here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

thread jack...

LM - you really have a great way with words <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> lol

Thread jack over

Alison -

Your H was having an A.(or still is). I don't buy that "just friends" line at all.

Kim

okay - maybe I am confused too. Should I not be angry with the fact that he is telling this lady that he and I are having sex???

He knows I feel they are having an affair. He left here with a smile on his face asking me not to be mad at him. I feel like a line has been crossed and I don't want him telling this woman (yes, I feel the OW) that he and I are having sex.

Should i be happy that he is sharing this with her?? Is this supposed to make me feel better about the fact that he talks to this woman more than he talks to me??

I am really confused about how I should react to this..

Kim - It is a very long story. I had posted on here a few weeks back about it all. Yes, I have accuse my H and this woman to be having an affair based on cell phone records, behavior on a company trip, and a text message.

We are separated and I am in Plan A and doing quite well with it. H and I have been gettin along like best friends, but when he shared the info about our sex life to "alleged OW" I sort of lost it...

My H claims to be a very private person who had never told OW anything until I called her H and "exposed" to him... So now, after "exposure" he decides it's okay to tell OW everything - am I supposed to be okay with that??

I really am confused about how I should feel about this...

Alison -

I remember your story..... was wondering where you've been! IF they are/have/were in an A then I think it's GREAT that he told the "OW" that you guys had sex. Shows OW that he is still VERY interested in you and that the two of you are still in close contact.

I know, it's not really HER business. But put yourself in OW's shoes. She's got to be SO mad that he was intimate with you.

Please be careful though. LemonMan could chime in on this one, and I know you are pretty certain that IF there was an A it was only an EA. But, there is always that chance that he could have had unprotected sex with the OW. Just wanted to throw that out at ya.

Now, calm down some and think it over.

Glad you are doing so well in Plan A!!!!! You can do this Alison!!!

Kim

Allison did you ever get a private investigator to get you some real proof? sounds like he's still seeingher? what has changed? looks like he's a cake eater.

Thanks - this one is really tough for me... Sex is not something H nor I have ever shared with anyone so I am a bit shocked that he felt it was okay to do it now unless he did it a bit out of spite since I "exposed" to so many people...

I see your point, but I feel sick to my tummy about it. I don't want another woman knowing about our private intimate life... Even my H said I should be happy about the fact that he told her, but that even pissed me off more...

I didn't say anything since I am in Plan A, but he could tell by my face that I was a bit upset about it. He then said that he now knows he can't tell me anything anymore and that is not what I want...

What am I supposed to say to him tomorrow when he comes to see DD??? And, you know, honestly, even if we were not in this mess, I would still be a bit pissed off that he was talking about our sex life to any woman, let alone "alleged OW"...

sounds like he has it made. shagging both of you. arent' you afraid of catching somehting? plan A doesn't mean you have to catch a STD allison.

Alison,

I read your story too & I'm wondering about your plan A. I understand No LB's, being nice, etc. but it doesn't mean sharing your H with OW & being a doormat either. Isn't there a stick to this Plan A? How can you do plan A without full implementation of it? Just wondering!

Allison,

If you exposed to people then obviously you know there was at least an EA going on.

So,I don't get why you didn't request a NC letter.
Obviously he is still in contact hence the dilemna.

You need to establish NC. I am floored that he actually shared his conversation with her with you. But, you never asked for NC did you?
Ritz

Allison...

this THIS is a back-burner issue....

this...is NOT the hill to do battle on and die on..

lets say that there is NOT a WS out there that 'gets' the sanctity of marital sex and intimacy...

he is not in a place to understand why this would upset you...BUT he will be very very happy to powerstruggle this to death...for it will surely take the spotlight off the REAL issues...his actions of the affair...and spin in to some verbal obtuse tango between you and he..

how could you tell her you will say over and over and over

why not it's no big deal he will say over and over and over...

the long term goal is that your husband either returns again or becomes like never before your protector....

telling the OW anything personal is not a protector role..but you can't expect him to get that right now...for he is not there....

the real issue is why is there contact between him and her...
is he saying he will not stop contact with her..

if he is..
you have the answers to many many questions including why would he say such a thing to her...
and there are many many balls laying around on your side of the court...

what is your next move...

ARK

It is VERY common for a WS to tell the OP that their M is a sham, they are not having SF, they are only going through the motions of the M...basically justifying to the OP that their A isn't REALLY an A if they don't have a REAL M...

That is generally a bunch of hooey, and we all know it here...it is RARE for a WS to STOP having SF with their S unless it is the BS's choice...

So, my first thought when you said your WH has told the OW about you and he having SF is that he has told her int he past you are NOT having SF, and it is important for her to know this was not the case...

I'd be willing to bet my nose that their A is VERY physical, and that he is hoping by telling her that he is cheating on her WITH HIS W, that will drive her away...

Yes, and by telling OW he can get her to work harder to please him. The competition is on, while he is sitting pretty on the fence with two women who want him.

It is inappropriate for him to discuss your sex life with an OW, but like other's said, he can't understand that yet. He will need to be willing to go NC with her...and he isn't there yet. He is still trying to convince you that they are only friends. I think you still need proof to the contrary and then fully expose.

***Yes, and by telling OW he can get her to work harder to please him. The competition is on, while he is sitting pretty on the fence with two women who want him.***

I do think this is exactly the case, Allison, and I think this is where your anger is coming from.
Mulan

Allison..while I agree battles need to be chosen and I understand you feel this is yet again another betrayal, the fact that he left with a grin on his face speaks volumes about what his motives might me.

I agree with Trix. He's getting a kick out of two women competing for his attentions and maybe he's trying to kick it up a notch. Could it be that ow is not as interested? Could it be he's afraid of losing you too? So he's working both sides against the other.

File this one away in the idiot box. You DO need to be tested for STDs.

How about when he comes to visit DD next, be as nice as possible and ask him how long he intends to visit. Let him then be the "babysitter" for that time and you leave until that time has elapsed. Go shopping, visit a friend, see a movie, whatever.

It'll throw a kink into these plans. If it's true that ow's interest is waning and it seems as if you're not so interested in spending every moment with him, he'll be forced to realize what is truly important. Just a thought...