Post deleted by hurtingterribly

hurting, how long have you been at this attempt to rebuild your marriage?

The babble talk, if I translate correctly, sounds like you do have it right: easy to slip back & go home, pick up the threads of a life, a family and a marriage.

That the "line in the sand" is recognizing and acknowledging that his present life and marriage are so bad, and that the OW and their affair are so good and right, that in order to have integrity he has to legitimize their affair.

Bullshot babble. Have you done Plan A? Counseled with the Harleys? Gotten marriage coaching?

HT--


First off--he wouldn't be able to forget all that happened. Recovery is a long road to walk--and far from EASY. Better way to say it would have been the RIGHT thing to do, not the EASY thing. I don't get the sand comment.


Have you read Dobson's LOVE MUST BE TOUGH? I think it might apply to this quote. Aside from the fact that he probably feels trapped b/c you're saying me or OW (and good for you)--it might me best to let go of some of the relationship talk for a little while--now--this depending on if he is still at home or not--because for me, if he was still at home AND still seeing OW, I don't think I could tolerate that--but then again, I am more of the Dobson line of thinking (which I think fits nicley with plan A/B and most MB concepts).

If he is not at home, then maybe just let him see how nicely you are functioning and getting along. (Plan A) If opportunity arises, of course let him know you love him, etc, but maybe not push the R talk right now. I learned with my WH that any R talk initiated by me was no good--I just got fog nasties back, and they just deepened my hurt daily. If he brought up the R, then I'd tell him how I knew we could get through this. At one point, I even told him to work on himself before we could even work on the R.

I think it is almost impossible to reason with a WS. They don't get it--but I think if the opportunity arises--get all you can in--because I bet late at night-when he's feeling the loneliness too--that some of those words will haunt his thoughts and crowd his dreams. And some might get through. But they were iniated by HIM--because HE brought it up--and hence the blame game or the self-righteous accusations against you can't happen--why? b/c he brought up the R first.

Me, too. This is normal and I hate it. I think it is the rollercoaster everyone keeps talking of. I am personally at a point where my expectations for what it would take for recovery to happen are really high and the D is very close.
Just hang in there--tomorrow will be another day. Hugs to you.

Intexas