Hello Folks, it has been some time since I last posted, and since I am preparing to get on with the rest of my life I just thought that I would say "Thanks" to all of you who have helped me on this site in the last 6 months.

I would also like to endorse thoroughly the entire MB concept and framework. For any doubters out there, believe it or not my wifes extremely passionate affair was conducted and broke up in EXACTLY the manner described by Dr Harley. Exactly. In every detail. And I have behaved, to the best of my ability, in the prescribed manner. I have had to tolerate the "Fog", the anger, the hurtful accusations. The whole shooting match. All as described by the good Doctor.

Except one.

I have found this entire experience so taumatic, so damaging mentally, that I can honestly say that I no longer love my wife, not even a little bit. Believe me, no-one could be more surprised to write those words than me, but after weeks of wrestling with my thoughts, I have realised that I am happier away from her than with her.

We do not talk about anything of consequence, we have never had a decent discussion about her affair, and we do not trust each other. The domestic atmosphere is one of two distant cousins who, due to family ties, are required to live under the same roof.

To those who say "give it time", I say that you have got to WANT your relationship back. I don't. I have seen my pre-affair marriage for what it was - a two decade long pipe dream that things would get better with time. Instead of which I end up with an adulterous wife (twice!) and the destruction of the most important relationship in my life by the person whom I trusted the most.

Bitter? You bet, but actually happier now I can move on.

So stick with the program, those of you suffering the agonies of adultery. It is truly the best way to deal with it, and when it is all finally over you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and honestly say,

"I tried my best."

I agree with you hurt, I am much better off without her. You and I may be in the minority, however such is life. I am a much better person, and man for trying the MB principles, and the best thing was plan B, as my daughter and I escaped the drama-trauma, as she says. It allowed me to work on me and who I am and what I want, and what I won't settle for....

Did you know that Harley says that the resentment from a SECOND AFFAIR is often too great to facilitate recovery? And that he does not disagree with a spouse who decides to move on under those conditions?

Sounds just like you, hh.

I'm right with you. Sorry it turned out like this for you too. But it is very satisfying to know that you did your best.

In all my time here, I've only talked to 2 people who were unhappy that they did the MB program. It works, whether or not you recover the marriage.

I don't know where my marriage is going. It's hard to say if it will work out or not. However, I'm staying the course. Whatever happens, I want to know that I did everything that I could. No regrets. I'm sure that if MB principals don't save this relationship, it will help future ones. Working with MB has also altered how I will deal with any future affairs that come to my notice. I can tell you that if one of my kids has an affair, I will certainly handle it differently than my inlaws do!

HH,
I am living exactly that. I do not love my WH anymore. I care for him as the father of my children and a person. But the love is truly gone. I wish to have that back all the time, but after 8 months I just havent found it.
Posting that and saying it is so hard and I commend you. I think that the books even mention this. You will either come out of this in a much better marriage, or you will be able to walk away knowing you did everything you could and it wasnt enough. Period.
Knowing that you cannot change a person no matter how hard you try, is hard to swallow at first, and then this wave comes over you and you begin to feel freedom ringing.
Best of luck to you in your new life.
JE

I sympathize with your feelings. I see my love slowly erroding away since Sept/Oct 05 when the OM became "just friends". I've read in one of Harley's books that Plan B should be implemented before my love reaches such a low point that I don't care anymore.

What do you think? Would a Plan B have preserved your love? I want to have success and hope that I don't loose love and give up.

Thanks, D

With me, Plan B would not have protected my feelings for my H, because his affair destroyed them. I felt nothing but disgust and revulsion at him after the affair and it took him a long time to overcome that.

true MB doesn't save all marriages, but it does save the BS, as it did me. Yes I may have not been the perfect husband, but does that warrant the betrayal by your spouse of 18yrs, no. Plan B allowed me to work on me without any distractions, so that I may become a better man, future partner/spouse for someone who truly deserves me. Plan B didn't protect my loss of feelings of WW, as they were already gone, it did allow me to have feelings for myself and grow.

Hurt Hubby said:



I am certainly not discounting your experience, Hurt...

I just want to Amen everything that you said above and offer my different POV...

I've been so GIDDY IN LOVE with my FWH the past few days that I haven't wanted to post here..thinking maybe I don't fit in here anymore...

I've been through it all and have come out on the other side..just letting you guys know if you have not heard this before from me... that it can happen....

So this is my RINGING ENDORSEMENT....TOO....

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